gayannabeth

  References to sex and abusive parents

  [colpse]

  I woke up well before my arm the next morning. The sun was not yet up, none of its light reaching my west facing bedroom window.

  I id in bed for a few seconds, then grabbed my phone to check the time. Less than an hour until my arm goes off; no point in trying to get more sleep.

  I sat up, my red hair falling in front of my face. I brushed it aside.

  I’m a trans girl.

  Had it really only been yesterday afternoon that I realised that? How had so much happened in the time since?

  I was about to grab a set of clothes to get dressed, but stopped myself before reaching for the jeans and hoodie crumpled on the ground at the foot of my bed.

  I bought a whole new wardrobe yesterday; it would be a shame to just keep on wearing my old clothes as if I hadn’t.

  Fishing through my as of yet unemptied shopping bags, I pulled out a pin bck bra, a pair of rainbow socks that Venny had (loudly) insisted I get, and that same pleated skirt that I’d tried on first. I grabbed another clean pair of panties and a Legend of Zelda Tri-Force t-shirt. I’d bought it a while back, then realised it was a women’s shirt, and had shoved it into my drawers to forget about. Well, guess what? I’m a fucking wo-

  No, still not ready to cim womanhood. Girlhood, sure, but ciming womanhood for myself still felt so much bigger and scarier. Goddess, how did every other trans girl on the pnet manage?

  I stepped out of my room then immediately entered my bathroom. The perks of a tiny apartment! It still does not outweigh the downsides of a tiny apartment! I shut the door behind me. I dropped my clothes on the thankfully closed toilet seat (I’d once dropped my clothes in the toilet in a moment of total absentmindedness and was committed to never repeating that). I turned on the shower and held my hand under the spray until it felt warm enough. Since I was already naked, I just stepped right in and began washing.

  Goddess, this body… my body… I had no clue if I’d ever get over the euphoria. Ok, sure, not perfect yet. There was still the whole thing about me still having a penis, after all. That was… Not preferred, really. I was confident that if I just finished pying through the game, it would be gone, though, so the dysphoria from it just… didn’t hurt as much. I wasn’t as if getting my plumbing swapped out was going to actually require… whatever it is trans women were supposed to do to get surgery done when they didn’t have a magic transition. I didn’t actually know. Maybe Liv would know?

  I was in the middle of thering up my tiddies (ohmygawsh I have tiddies!) when I heard the bathroom door open. Dropping the bar of soap, I whirled around to find a sleepy Rachel standing in the doorway. I watched as she noticed me in the shower. She froze, her eyes widening, her mouth slightly open in surprise.

  “Um, Rachel?” I said.

  She let out a squeak and turned around. “S-Sorry!” She excimed. “I needed to pee.” Goddess, she was so fucking cute!

  I crouched down and picked up my soap. “Didn’t you hear the shower?”

  “I’m tired, ok? I didn’t sleep well st night.” She hesitated, then started leaving the room. “I-I’ll let you, uh, f-finished your shower.” She closed the door behind her.

  I was almost finished with my shower anyway, so I wrapped it up and turned off the water. I got out and dried myself off with my towel, then realised I had no way to quickly dry my hair.

  Add to my mental shopping list: a hair dryer.

  I got dressed, and left the bathroom, finding a desperate Rachel leaning on the wall.

  “All yours,” I said as she rushed in, smming the door behind her. I audibly heard her sigh in relief as I walked into the kitchen to get started on breakfast.

  Despite the intensity of the day before, the two of us still had csses, which kinda felt a little unfair, especially to Rachel, who had little enthusiasm in her csses normally, much less now.

  When she sat next to me in our shared css, Liv handed me a can of Monster.

  “Why do you keep giving me energy drinks?” I asked.

  Liv blushed. “It’s, uh, my super power,” she said, which made things even more confusing for me. “Apparently, alongside feminising me, that soda I drank gave me the power to summon any canned beverage from thin air.”

  “You’re kidding,” I said. “That’s ridiculous.”

  Liv ughed. “It is ridiculous, yeah, but I’m not kidding Lilly.”

  I felt awkward sitting next to her during the lecture. It was difficult to focus; my mind kept thinking back to yesterday afternoon, before Rachel’s phone call. I vividly recalled sitting on her p as we made out, the feeling of her lips and tongue, and how fucking exciting it was to feel her cock pressing against me.

  I knew I was starting to get hard, but fortunately I was sitting down, and it would be much harder for anyone to notice in this skirt.

  I wanted her to fuck me. I’d managed to push aside my horny urges yesterday and focus on Rachel, but now that I was back in Liv’s presence, I was overwhelmed by pure, undistilled need. I wanted her cock inside me. I needed her cock inside me.

  I had no clue what the professor said at any point during that lecture. I was just so consumed by my fantasies of being fucked by my hot tomboy friend. I was pretty sure that if she asked me to, I’d drop my panties and bend over right then and there.

  …

  Ok, maybe I’d insist on, like, finding somewhere more private first. I’m no exhibitionist. Probably.

  I was broken out of my thoughts by the sound of students getting up to leave. I looked over to Liv, expecting to see her getting ready to leave too, but she wasn’t. She was still sitting in her seat, staring at me with an unreadable expression on her face.

  “What?” I asked.

  She blinked. “Oh, sorry, didn't realise I was staring…”

  I blinked in response. “Oh… kay then,” I said.

  “You’re really pretty,” she whispered. I had no clue if she meant to say that out loud. I blushed.

  I didn’t immediately have to head to another css after the lecture, so I ended up following Liv, who also didn’t have another css just yet.

  The weather was still nice enough outside, so we left the building then walked between a couple of adjacent buildings. We ended up in a mostly deserted area near the campus’ big outdoor sports stadium, where some of the University’s various sports teams pyed games (I couldn’t remember what the teams were called, though).

  “You want some snacks?” Liv asked, reaching into her bag and pulling out a sealed bag of Lays BBQ chips.

  “Sure,” I said.

  We found a bench to sit on, and she ripped open the bag, and we started snacking on the chips.

  Liv said, “so…” before trailing off, hesitating. “Um, how’s, uh, Rachel?”

  “I don’t really know,” I said truthfully. “Not great, I imagine. She got drunk st night. Off of one drink. She’s become a total lightweight. Then this morning she just wasn’t very talkative.” I debated telling Liv more about Rachel, about her struggles with accepting that she could just be a girl if she wanted, but I didn’t think it was really my pce to discuss that with anyone other than Rachel.

  “Yeah, that sounds like she’s probably struggling,” Liv said.

  “It doesn’t help that she hates her csses. Her parents basically forced her into business, and it’s just… so not her thing.”

  “What do you think she’d rather do?” Liv asked.

  I grabbed a handful of chips from the bag. “I’m not entirely sure,” I said. “When we were younger, she would talk about how she wanted to be a famous author one day. I don’t know if that’s still a dream of hers, she hasn’t mentioned it in years.” What I didn’t mention was that time her parents had found her Wattpad account where she’d written a genderbent Harry Potter fanfic, and berated her so much she’d stopped writing almost entirely for months after.

  Actually, now that I think about it, the name given to that fem!Harry in that fic had been… Rachel.

  Huh.

  “I think that’s a wonderful dream to have,” Liv said. “How about you? Got any fun dreams?”

  Other than wet dreams about Liv and Rachel, no, but I don’t think that’s what Liv meant.

  “No clue, honestly,” I said. “I genuinely have no idea what I want to do with my life. I spent two years between high school and university trying to figure that part out, you know. Didn’t get anywhere with it. I haven’t even picked a major yet.”

  “I’m sure you’ll find something. Maybe dysphoria was standing in your way?”

  That… actually sounded kind of pusible. “Maybe,” I said.

  We continued talking and snacking, discussing some aspects of our lives, such as how my parents were divorced and I rarely saw my dad nowadays, or how Liv’s mom was still convinced she was constantly wearing fake tits.

  “No offense, but your mom sounds like a total bitch,” I said, ughing at Liv’s description of a recent time her mom kept referring to Liv as her ‘son’ to the ISP technician, and, when he saw Liv, looking very obviously like a girl, he confusedly thought she was a trans man.

  “Yeah, she is,” Liv said as she crumpled up the now empty chip bag. She took a deep breath. “So…” she trailed off, screwing her eyes shut. “Gods, why is this so hard?” she muttered.

  “Why is what hard?” I asked.

  “I’ve been trying to work myself up to ask you something,” Liv said. “And it shouldn’t be this fucking hard! I mean, you were sitting on my p yesterday!”

  I blushed. My throat felt dry. Was she…

  She groaned. “Lilly, willyougoonadatewithme?” she belted that line out so quickly that I barely caught the whole thing.

  Oh. Oh yes.

  She was asking me out.

  Olivia, the girl I’d been crushing on for who the fuck knows how long by this point, had just asked me out.

  I should say yes. I should absolutely say yes.

  “When?” I asked.

  “Uh, tonight, if you’re not busy,” she replied.

  Say yes, Lilith!

  “I’m not busy,” I said.

  FUCKING SAY YES!

  “So…”

  “Yes,” I said. “I’d love to go on a date with you.”

  gayannabeth