Sophia.

  I placed my trembling hand on my belly. I just felt it. It was empty again. I could see from Lucas that he didn't want to believe it yet. He hugged me again. "I'm going to call that doctor right away, sweetie. He can help us."

  I wanted to say it was no use. That he would look and say: 'Concluded. The child is gone.' But I didn't want to take away Lucas's last glimmer of hope. He helped me to my feet and took me back to the set. Broken, I sat down in his chair.

  It hadn't even hurt. That was all I thought. You always saw that it hurt women. Why didn't I feel anything? Sam walked past me. I tried to smile, but the smile had left me.

  He did smile and walked on. For the world, nothing had changed. It wasn't. But I already loved that little almost-life inside me. "You've inspired us," Joyce called enthusiastically as she plopped down next to me. "Jonas and I are going for number 2." I nodded briefly. "After you, though," she said. "But as soon as possible."

  I looked at the ground. "I'm not holding you back anymore, Joyce," I said. "What's wrong?" she said, looking at me for the first time now. I shook my head. I didn't want to say it yet. Saying it was gone made it real, and I couldn't handle that. Not yet.

  "Sophia?" I shook my head. I wanted to stand up, but it became too much. "Is something wrong?" She looked at me. "Is something wrong with your baby?" She put her finger right on the sore spot.

  "Tell me. Talk to me." I shook my head. "I don't get it," I said sobbing. "First then. Then the Lord gives me a child. Finally, after all that pain. Then I think: yes Sophia, now you can be happy. And then." I made a dismissive hand gesture. "Just gone." I looked at Joyce. "What have I done? Why do I always have to be punished?"

  "What?" Joyce began. "How?" She took a deep breath. "What happened?" I told her everything I had seen. "So blood after peeing?" I nodded. "Go to the doctor first. Then you can always fall apart later," she said.

  Lucas came over to us. "If we leave now, we can get seen right away," he said and helped me to my feet. He told his assistant that she was in charge of the set and the recordings for a bit.

  After a ride of about 20 minutes, we arrived at a large white-plastered building. I didn't want to go in for a moment. Inside there, he would take away our last hope. "Ready?" Lucas asked. "No," I said. "But let's just go. Then it's done," I said.

  Hand in hand, we walked inside. Behind a counter sat a young woman in a pink nurse's uniform. The space itself was warm. It was painted in earth tones. "Can I help you?" the woman asked me a bit too cheerfully.

  Lucas gave our name. The woman typed on her computer and smiled. "Yes. Please have a seat, Doctor Van der Meer will come get you right away." We walked into the waiting room. There were about six ladies sitting there. The space itself was spacious with comfortable yellow couches.

  A round wooden table with a stack of magazines about pregnancy and children on it. The walls were light purple. And on the wall hung a TV playing those cartoons.

  I sat down on one of the couches. The ladies already in the waiting room chatted cheerfully among themselves. About how Bregtje couldn't wait for little Allegonda to finally arrive.

  A friendly woman in light pink doctor's clothing with hearts on it stood at the door. "Mr. and Mrs. De Witte?" Lucas nodded and helped me up. Normally I would have protested to him that I wasn't a porcelain doll in a glass case. But now it was quite nice.

  Together we walked into the examination room. It was dimly lit. At a desk, she sat down and pressed a button. Suddenly the light came on at nuclear level. "Tell me, Mrs. De Witte, what's going on?"

  "I think I lost my..." I sobbed. "I think my baby." The woman put a hand on my shoulder. "Why do you think that?" she asked. "I had blood in my underwear and on the paper after going to the toilet." Lucas held my hand. "Was it a lot?" I nodded. "How much? Was it a small spot or was your underwear full?"

  "A spot," I said sobbing. The woman sat down. "Is this your first pregnancy?" she asked. I nodded. "Yes, then I understand the panic. Do you know the phenomenon of spotting?" I shook my head.

  "Then I'll explain it to you." She picked up a folder. "In the first trimester, the patient presents with intermittent, minor vaginal blood loss, consistent with spotting, consisting of scanty, brownish-serous to mildly hemorrhagic discharge from the uterine cavity via the endocervical canal." She looked at us for a moment.

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  "It involves small amounts, without clots, without significant increase in abdominal pressure pain, and without hemodynamic instability, consistent with a mild form of first-trimester vaginal bleeding in a viable intrauterine pregnancy."

  Lucas looked at me with a confused look. "Differential diagnosis considers a benign implantation phenomenon, implantation bleeding versus cervical contact blood loss due to a hypervascular uterine cervix, within the context of threatened abortion, without hard indications for an ectopic pregnancy or major placental pathology." She looked at us again. "Do you understand?"

  Lucas looked from me to her. "With something less important I would have said. Of course, but now. Not really, no." She nodded. "I suspect spotting. That's light blood loss due to the baby implanting or a sensitive uterus. Almost always harmless," she explained.

  "So... my baby might still be okay?" I asked. "Of course. Shall we check that first before I explain more?" I nodded sobbing. She turned off the light again, making it dim. I had to lie down on an examination table. Within a few seconds, she squirted gel on my belly and placed the ultrasound device on it. She pressed a button and the soft rhythmic thumping filled the room. "Well, look at that, heartbeat is stronger than my espresso machine." She adjusted the image.

  "See that." She pointed to a pistachio nut-shaped form. "That's your baby." She smiled. "And from the sound of it, healthy." She cleaned my belly and sat me up again. "So there's nothing wrong with my baby?" I asked.

  "No. Everything looks good. Alright then. Spotting can last a maximum of 3 days. If it's longer, just give me a call, we'll check again. But I don't expect that." I sighed in relief. "You'll probably think: what panic over nothing," I said.

  "Not at all. Your fertility doctor is a good friend of mine. He told me you've had a hard time. No more, he sticks beautifully to the rules," she began laughing. "And a first child. Yes, you don't know what to expect. And then blood, however little, is terrifying." She looked at me. "And dear, I'd rather you have me check 10 times too many than once too few." I nodded.

  "I want to see you back in two weeks. Don't panic. You're now 10 weeks. 12 weeks is a standard appointment." I nodded. "For now, as little stress as possible. Ideally none, but that's almost impossible these days. Plenty of rest. Drink well, eat healthy. And listen to your body. If you're dizzy, sit down. If you're tired, rest. And important for you, sir." She looked at Lucas. "Take good care of her." He nodded. "That I can do," he said. "I recommend rest for the rest of today." Lucas nodded and took my hand.

  "We'll go back to the set briefly to reassure the others, then home. Movie and treats." I nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good." On set, Amethist, Lucas's assistant, was still busy with a scene. We watched silently for a bit.

  Sam and the kids were on set playing a funny scene where Jan had to take care of the kids alone for the first time because Hannah was visiting her sister and James was striking. After five minutes, they were done and Alexander noticed me. "AUNTIE SOPJE!" he called enthusiastically. "UNCLE LUUK." He ran towards us. "Are you back finally?" Lucas nodded. "Just for a little bit," he said. Joyce came over to me. "You okay a bit?" I nodded. "What did your doctor say?" Amethist asked. "Spotting," I explained. Joyce let out a relieved sigh. "Thank God. Is that all?" I nodded. Jonas looked confused. "She checked if the baby is okay?" I nodded again. "Healthy heartbeat. She said it's growing well." Joyce hugged me. "I'm relieved for you."

  "What is spotting?" Sam and Jonas asked at the same time. Joyce explained quickly. "So no danger to your child?" Sam asked. "No, new check in two weeks," I said. "Then you'd think something's wrong?" Jonas asked. "No, Joon," Joyce began. "12-week scan." He nodded understandingly. Sam still looked a bit confused. "That's standard, Sam," she explained.

  "Amethist, if you want to continue, that's fine by me. But I'm taking Sophia home. The doctor recommended rest." She nodded. "Yes, absolutely. Take her home."

  At home, we were soon lying together on the couch. The TV was on one of my favorite movies: Chocolat with Johnny Depp in one of the lead roles. Lucas wasn't into those kinds of movies. But for my rest, he sacrificed himself. Well, according to him anyway.

  He had picked up a few boxes of Belgian bonbons on the way. Because I always told him that if we were watching Chocolat, we had to have chocolate in the house. So every now and then he grabbed a chocolate from the box and teasingly fed it to me.

  After the movie, he cooked for me. After dinner, he put on Doctor Who, starting from season two with the famous Tenth Doctor, played by David Tennant. Then we just chatted. About what I wanted to do with my class as soon as I could teach again. Where Lucas wanted to go with Hannah’s Chaos. And how far he was with his film.

  He said he was pretty far. He had funding, locations, and a studio where he could film. Actors who wanted to join. He just couldn't find the time. "Then go now?" I said. I stroked my hand over my belly. "This one and I will manage." He sighed. "Yeah, but what about Hannah’s Chaos?" he asked. "Amethist?"

  It took me a week to convince him and another week to arrange everything. But the day after our doctor's appointment for the twelve-week scan, he left back to Aruba to make his movie a reality. He would leave after the meeting with Nicole from Videoland.