Exordium

  “Hocus pocus

  Simsalabim

  Abracadabra

  One of us, one of us

  Sick of the dancing, sick of the chanting

  I don't wanna be in your cult no more

  Sick of the Nikes, sick of the Kool-Aid

  I don't wanna be in your cult no more…

  Ooga-booga, ooga-booga, ooga-booga, baby”

  -Shannon and the Clams

  The Palace Theater

  “Now, what do we have here?” He spoke into a small microphone that rounded an ear before slicing through a pubic beard. Beads of sweat fell slickly down the sides of his face. Knees bent, slate-eyes closed. He reached a shivering hand towards the crowd, a metal detector of stereotypes and plants powered by God hisself.

  The crowd was riled with his indecision. Could it be me? Pleated in the eyes of the desperate, paying, true-blue fans. All the while lesser nonchalant attitudes came seeping from the body language of the unassuming, the shy skeptic guests who had been ‘dragged-along.’ Soon they too would be converted.

  “The spirits are guiding me now. Ohoo yes I feel it.” He moaned

  “Yes, Lord I see, there’s someone your pointing out to me… is it over here?” He waved across the kill-box.

  “Yes. Now, I’m receiving a letter… it’s appearing to me as an R. No, no. It’s two letters. R second. First is coming, letter is fuzzy but I feel it. Wait. What did you just say?” He pointed.

  “T!’ ‘S! S! My sister Rachel!’” A few desperate voices in the area yelled out.

  “No!” He shouted them down, attention zeroed in on a Ficus plant. Leaves thick and plotted. Sunny with backhanded kindness and a dripping sarcastic superiority.

  “You. Yes. You, in the blue dress. I heard him call upon you.” He walked the stage’s edge.

  “Now don’t say a word darling. And you know what, why don’t you come on up here? Get on stage and join me.” He presented smiling.

  The Fake invites a Ficus to the stage. Lights. Attention. Applause. Food.

  And watching predators, hidden plain.

  “Come on, It’ll be a hoot!” The false diviner, saunters, center stage where an empty table and chairs have been set, now lit from the heavens. The ficus woman jeered on by her parasitic ‘mistletoe’ friends, stands. A screaming posse.

  Feeling the sharp forgettable pain of strands of hair pulled as chaos engulfs both the audience, and herself; the plant woman walked down the aisle towards the stage with a cute playful ignorance, feigning confusion as she took her time to find the stairs and make her way up to this man.

  The mentalist ‘Christian’ comedian, Richard Alreadian.

  He shook the plant’s hand and pulled out a chair for her to sit, before joining opposite with a practiced smile and wink to the crowd before giving her his full attention, looking into her eyes with electric sexual intensity.

  “Now, we’ve never met before. Isn’t that right?” Lies tugged at the side of his mouth. Making a smile.

  “No, no we’ve never met. Not in person.” She giggled, wet and tingly.

  Hot spotlight on the pair of

  Them feeling so intimate, yet still so exposed.

  Look one way and see a sea of blurry people and blinding lights.

  In front, shade, comfort, across a folding-table, a well dressed man with an air of mystery. Folding.

  ?——————??★??——————?

  Lola sat back, buried behind the mistletoe with the weed.

  Twirling hair between her fingers, she focused attention on the women. Vision slightly zooming in her perception as a small mentally crafted tool-tip popped into the corner of her vision.

  Her own handwriting on yellowing parchment revealing to her some truths.

  Katherine ‘Karen’ Renoaldey-Smith,

  She/Her, Rank 4

  Level 47

  Class: Queen Katherine of Influencing.

  Followers: 46,278 a.a.p. (across all platforms) 4 o.p. (of power)

  Strengths: Online Shopping, TikTok Editing, Reality Show knowelge.

  Weaknesses: Patience, Ex-Husband, Credit Card debit.

  Bio: Karen Renoaldey is an American social media influencer; known for her intense live-streams and her trademarked KDGAF attitude. She can be found most weeknights drinking wine and selling on stream while talking about the neighborhood’s gossip. Most known for a viral moment when Karen was attacked in her home while live; Karen beat the intruder half to death before showing her fans how well a concealer worked on still bleeding cuts. Later conspiracies point to a neighborhood MLM Cult-op sex dispute. Investigation is ongoing with no current charges.

  ?——————??★??——————?

  “You’re name. It’s K. R. is it not?”

  “Yessir, you are correct. So, my first name is Ka…” the man lifted a ringed finger of silence accompanied with an interrupting grunt.

  She continued carefully, “…K something. And my new married last name does indeed start with an R.” She looked out towards her friends waving and blowing kisses.

  “Yeah! You Go Karen!” her friend Sarah yelled. Suddenly stopping with hand to mouth.

  Love what you're reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.

  “Oh, shit. Well I ruined it now didn’t I?” She yelled, voice cracking.

  Richard gave an annoyed laugh and put his hands out as if to quiet blowing horns.

  Conductor of souls in his wildest dreams.

  “Now, now. That’s alright. We’re all just excited. We’re just getting to know each-other. There’s still still much to come.” Applause. He returned his gaze to her.

  “Karen. It’s a pleasure. Now I take it from the excitement, the specification of a married last name that this marriage is new, isn’t that Right?” She nodded. “And just maybe this is a rare occasion of a post-wedding bachelorette party? Is that right?”

  Shrieks came from the mistletoes. Ficus Karen blushed and hid a smile.

  “Yes! Yes. That’s exactly true.” She bit her lip, “Now, how’d you know that?!” She said, spitting fireworks into the lights.

  “It’s just a feeling, baby.” Laughs.

  “Now, Karen. I’m feeling the spirit reach out to me. Mkay? And it has something important to say. It’s, It’s hiiim! And he’s grabbin’ a hold of me something fierce… but his voice. It’s…having trouble. Mright?”

  Karen had been slowly nodding her head the whole time but at this it grew with intensity.

  “To be able to...” He paused waving circles, a computer loading information.

  “...amplify his connection. His voice. I’mma need to use a little bit of Magick.” Gasps! Richard reached behind the table revealing a silver briefcase. He placed it on the ground in front of the table.

  Kneeling, he opened it and pulled a black velvet table cloth. A few waves in the air and it was draped over the table. Fold-lines.

  Richard then removed an obsidian crystal ball, along with it’s wooden stand placing them center.

  He tented his hands on the tabletop, long fingers spread out in circles.

  The fingers dragged, centering close, then raising to reveal magically conjured birthday candles. Each it’s own stand, like toys from another time another world. The stands looked dirty and brass, but were plastic and filled with lead.

  He pulled seven candles. Forest Green, Ocean Blue, Void Black, Blood Red, Nepo Gold, Bone Ivory, and the last a deformed collection of drippings turned crooked finger of rainbow puss. A pure frosted straight-cut wick staking its territory.

  Richard arranged the candles in a circle around the table. White and Black were placed in front of himself followed by Blue against Green, Gold against Ivory, and alone sat the revived mosaic candle sitting in contrast to the plain put-together ficus woman, Karen.

  ?——————??★??——————?

  Lola sat with the hair on her arms, She drank in the items sitting on stage.

  Each had it’s own vast collection of connected tool-tip descriptions. The UI was personalized to Lola’s mind by her design and usually information from it would be digested quickly, easier than reading words on a page. The knowledge was water and so was she. But a lot of the information coming off these items were in different languages and/or encrypted in code. The name, slipperiest.

  She tried to quickly scroll through the information deciphering what they could, but it was vast and complicated, old and powerful. She did this in her mind in a maximized sorted menu. She tried to take in as much of the info that passed as she could, wishing they had taken more skill in scribing which would have given her a spell to be able to save this info and look over later. But she didn’t have that luxury, So Lola raced to read and absorb the thick material. As the show continued...

  ?——————??★??——————?

  Click Click goes the case before buttery knees twist and dance to standing.

  Richard walks center stage.

  Cue spotlight. Blackout the stage.

  Karen starved but obediently quiet.

  Spider-eyed sparkles of tailored silk shone between slited-lids. His body still and slim and a shadow; Loaming. He watches over the crowd, hands raising from his sides over his head and to the heavens.

  “Now, I know what comes to yall’s mind when magicks bears its ugly head. Right? And It Is True, magicks is the work of Evil and the Devil... I should know, I’ve walked side by side with him ya’ll!” Gasps!

  “I walked with the devil in my youth. Yes, it’s true…” He gazed the crowd.

  “I was given to The Men of Satan as a tiny, tiny, little innocent, virginal babe. My mother the fallen saint, god bless her soul, was seduced by it’s Evil! Convinced by a Demon Woman who used the crucifix as a tool for sinnin’ abomination. It was her that convinced my Ma’ I should be given up for, drug money! And I..” He cleared his throat selling it with real tears, brought on by exaggerated persecution, and coaxed with lighting.

  “...I was made to learn its wickedness. but Jesus. Jesus! Praise Him! Jesus, Found Me and now I am a Fallen Servant reborn. I know Evil, you hear me, I know it. Lived It! But Jesus hisself saved me and he showed me how to use the tools of Satan for good just as they used his tool for sacrilege. Ladies and Gentlemen! I warn you, do not play with the devil. Once he has his hold on you he ain’t one to let go. It takes a divine kind of intervention to come back from that bull and that don’t come easy. I’ve seen death, and hell... and” he chuckled “You don’t want none of that.” He looked over his quiet attentive crowd with elation. Power.

  “I sucked a voodoo man's Dick in an alleyway in Salem just to learn how to see the lines between! At First all I saw were the horrors of lost souls. I did Drugs, Became a Homosexual, and When I woke up covered in my own vomit, with Jesus, his lord holding a hand out for me to pull myself up... I took it. It was a long road back, and I didn’t touch Magicks for years, till I was clean in the head…” He tapped his temple.

  “...Then I found my beautiful angel wife, Julie. Give it up for Julie everybody!”

  A distant stick ghost of a woman with a chestnut bowl-cut stood from a private balcony to a smattering of applause. She wore whites that turned to withering threads of yellowing lace.

  “Through her and our two children I was able to not only find the love of the lord but I was able to find a way to turn my dark past into something for healing others. Using the tools of the devil and turning that contact with the bad into a Holy Power.” He smiled and turned as the stage re-lit.

  Karen red-eyed drunk and crying watched him as the others did. Lighting each candle one by one. Match after match. The dead soldiers thrown onto the table, some on the floor. He continued his sermon…

  “Now we’re going to have fun tonight! It might get scary at times but I want you to remember that: I, Am Going To Pro-Tect you. Now can I get an Amen?”

  The Crowd shouted back in hypnotized euphoria.

  ?——————??★??——————?

  Lola crossed her arms scrolling in her mind, simultaneously wondering if that “Voodoo man” was really just Charles. It sounded like something he’d be into.

  “That was pretty good, that was pretty good, but I think ya’ll can do better. I Said, Can I Get An Amen?!”

  The crowd shouted, some getting to their feet.

  “Let Heaven Hear You, Can I Get An Amen!”

  More stood as the veins stuck out thick in the biggest follower’s necks.

  Lola closed her screen, glanced around at the asses of the standing jubilated crowd.

  It seemed to her even the previously uninterested were now suddenly enamored and sold. She broke eye contact with back pockets and looked up, suddenly locking into Richard Alreadian’s wife, in her private balcony.

  She was watching her husband on stage then. Wait. No! She was staring right at Lola. Her face both pointed at the stage yet zeroed in on Lola.

  The ghastly women’s head began growing in size, eyes bulging, ballooning.

  Lola was forced into focus but her cottage core, parchment tool-tip menu was now dark and glitching out. Words cut holes into the paper, and the usually flowered frame was scattered with bird bones and abandoned nests.

  Shelby Miscabbage, She/Her/It.

  Rank: 8. Level: 89

  Class: LOCKED

  Species: LOCKED

  Following: 4.3 Million a.a.p. 45 o.p.

  Strengths: LOCKED

  Weaknesses: LOCKED

  Then another scroll popped up.

  New Achievement! Found her.

  You’ve found the long lost Shelby Miscabbage.

  Lola thought away the windows to regain her vision. But the second before it closed Lola saw Shelby’s o.p. Following tick up one, to Forty-six. Just as a spell’s embrace took hold of her.

  Fuck! What is she doing? Lola cursed, blinking hard as warning menus went in and out of her vision.

  A feeling of malaise was starting to wash over Lola, she stood and rushed for the exit. Suddenly falling, onto the rough carpet that the lined the rows.

  A man sitting at an edge seat had put his foot out and was now staring at her with no expression.

  The room’s hissing silence came into focus as Lola found the entire crowd watching her and waiting.

  Long manicured nails began to scrape across the inside grooves of Lola’s brain before digging and piercing deep inside.

  Invading.

  Black ichor pooled around Lola’s now crying eyes as she grabbed at her head pulling hair from it’s roots.

  A Scream ripped raw and blood-curdling from the pain.

  The crowd, Richard, and Karen watched with no expression.

  A smile curled on the dead lips of Shelby Miscabbage.