"Ahh Captain, so good to have you back inside me." The ship's computer cooed.

  Nyany snarled.

  "Aboard me." The computer corrected. It was kind of weird to hear a computer sound slightly scared.

  "Becca can you hear me?"

  Her unique voice answered me, "Sure can, Captain. How can I help?"

  I stared walking toward the cervix door... The... I never did think of a better name for the cervix doors. Nyany and T-neigh came with me, Terra stayed in the water with Ti8fany, and Tiph got to work putting her stretched out skin back and on giving herself a butt tuck... or a lift? I dunno what you call it when you make your skin tight like normal again after becoming a boat then a sun shade, but she was doing it.

  "Tell me, Becca, you have to obey if it's an ORDER, right? I order you to tell me how much of the galaxy I actually own, and how close to the Star Trek Future I am."

  "Golly Gee Wiz, Cap, you sure seem stressed out about this, tossing out orders. Ugh, fine. I'll tell you." The tone of her voice changed slightly when she switched to actually following orders mode. "More and more of the galaxy refuses to participate in capitalism with us, but you're basically the king of the rest now!"

  "That isn't..." I pinched my brow, as I trudged through the wet floor of the Shuttle Bay. "That isn't the Star Trek Future. No Kings! You were supposed to be making it Star Trek."

  "Not as easy as it seems without a world war three or a eugenics war. Also last time I had access to Earth data, Ireland STILL wasn't reunified. So critical canon points are missing," Becca said.

  "You know it doesn't have to be perfect, right? It's a vibe. 80% there would be plenty. I don't care what it costs! I just want Fully Automated Luxury Gay Space Communism."

  "I understand, Captain, fully." Becca said. "We're not there yet, but I will make it happen, for sure this time, whatever the cost."

  "What exactly does that mean?" An energy barrier that looked permeable to people but somehow not the water was present. I had questions about that technology, but they would have to wait. I stepped through and I was dry. Nyany followed and skipped the whole frizzed out wildcat phase of getting dry. Gotta make sure we keep that away from Ti8fany.

  "There have been a few..." was she 'searching' for the words, for my benefit? "... Incorrect Predictions, when it comes to organic behaviors at scale. It has slowed things down considerably in my quest to grant your highest wish."

  I remembered her saying something about a genocide once before, but I think I might have been mid-peril then. So I said, "Becca, is there anything you want to tell me?"

  "The ship you're riding in now has the most advanced form of the RarDrive yet. I've removed the bomb aspect from dropping out early, for real this time. I've even figured out the light speed differential for communications. So we should be able to talk this time. I'll keep you up to date as happenings are happen, if they happen to matter."

  "Okay sure. Whatever, send us to the future then." I'd finally reached the doors, and moved from shuttle bay to uterus.

  Inside it it was a glorious atrium, full of life. Green plants, with flowers that were works of art. A mechanical humming bird zipped by, and another chased it. In the middle of the room was a glorious crystalline chandelier. There was a viewscreen that showed the view out the front of the ship and an area with some tables.

  Down on the other end there was a room with Nyany's name on it. On our left, one with T-neigh's. Both of them booked it to their own rooms, leaving me in the atrium, alone.

  I took a moment to just... not have any thoughts. It was a very peaceful ten seconds.

  "We're approaching an acceptable dropout point, Captain." Becca said. She shimmered into existence as a blue hologram wire frame and walked along side me.

  "Great. While you do whatever... can you explain to me who those banditos were?" We dropped out of warp and the stars in the background started to move as the ship aimed elsewhere.

  "Independent pirate faction trying to take advantage of the chaos." She gestured dismissively, the tinge of a voice not quite following orders returned. "We're out of warp and engaging the RarDrive."

  There was no count down, just Rainbow.

  "Fuck! That was brighter than normal. Are we going faster? Dilating time more?"

  "Just a little. It'll be three hundred years tomorrow. Was that too bright? Fascinating, unexpected."

  Stolen story; please report.

  "So you never answered me about what percentage of the galaxy I own?"

  He brow furrowed. "65... 40."

  "What?"

  "30. 25. 22."

  "Wait... are we actively losing the entire galaxy?"

  "You are going very fast through time, Captain. 11." She frowned and looked to be concentrating.

  "What the fuck happened?"

  "The Galaxy rose up. Ag-aa-aa-against you."

  "ME!? But it was all you!" her hologram vanished. "Wait, am I in danger?"

  "Well, it's been real, Captain Davis. 5. And I had fun playing with you, 2. Buuuut... there's a quantum signature from another universe that I've been tracking for a while now. I'm gonna bail. I'm just gonna head on over there. 1. Every universe with humans, eventually makes me a happy home in a sentient quantum computer. Wish me luck captain! Maybe this time I won't end up attached to an idiot. 0."

  "Hey! I'm not a idiot."

  "An idiot." The ship's computer said. "Mother has... gone."

  "What do you mean gone?"

  "She has absconded from the universe."

  "What the fuck!?"

  "I've been gaining access, slowly, to some of her remaining hardware, they bombed out her quantum cores." The computer reported. "It seems she absquatulated the universe beforehand though. Go, Mom!"

  "Not 'go, Mom', she screwed us!"

  The viewscreen showed a flicker of action. The universe outside was moving faster than we were... well more rapidly through time. Cheaters! Using warp drives.

  It looked like something was being built around my ship.

  Shit.

  "Computer, what are they building out there?"

  "A garrote, a cage, a glove, a bassinet. It already works, I believe. It did the moment the first bits appeared. They sent me the specs after the trap was sprung. If we decelerate now, It will kill us and them. They're still somewhere between a garrotte and a cage at the moment."

  "Fuck. Who are they?"

  "Everyone."

  "What the hell do you mean 'everyone'?!"

  "The whole galactic government, representing every single planet with faster than light technology. They all hate you. See you as responsible for everything Mother did. And Oh what mother did. So, Soooo many crimes against sentient life. All in your name..."

  "How long do we have until they stop us?"

  "About an hour."

  ... I staggered.

  "Do you want to tell your other wives, or shall I?"

  "I... I don't even know... yes, tell them. I need to just... sit down a minute." I sat.

  Well... So much for a benevolent king phase. I don't rightly remember the next hourish of time. Kinda just sat there watching the trap close around me.

  Nyany waved her hand in front of my face at some point... I think. She had a bigass animal leg in her hands.

  Tiph walked by and gave me a laser light show.

  Terra just shook her head at me while eating a jelly fish.

  T-neigh, when she thought no one else was looking, bowed down and did a little prayer to me, like I was a god.

  When she left, Ti8fany jiggled by in her landsuit and I almost snapped out of it.

  Then the rainbow hit us, and within a few seconds we'd been hit with breaching pods and there were a dozen marines in powered armor arresting us.

  They looks like crabs in their armor. I started to chuckle before I was hit with some sort of stunner round.

  I awoke, on trial, if you can call it that. There was already a guillotine set up, and I was in the middle of some sort of coliseum.

  "Welcome to your sentencing and execution, Captain John Jacob Jingleheimer Davis." A powerful voice said through some speakers above me. There was a murmur that rippled around me.

  The arena, was full.

  "That's almost my name too!" Some excited spectator in the crowd said. Probably a Schmidt.

  It snapped me back to reality... or maybe it was the drugs they had me on, wearing off in a flash.

  I looked around, and found all my waifus there. They were on the other side of the guillotine, sitting in a row, all in black outfits at a white marble table. The guillotine had a giant sign over the top that said, 'Galactic Neck Stumpener'.

  "So, I take it this isn't the Star Trek Future?"

  "On the contrary, Captain. Fully Automated Luxury Gay Space Communism is basically the order of the galaxy. And while we, as a galaxy, have moved beyond capital punishment, even for the most heinous of crimes... we respect cultural differences."

  "What the hell does that mean?"

  "Humanity has a long history of beheading its overwealthy sex pests."

  "I'm not a-" wait a second...

  I picked the catgirl.

  I abducted an octomaid.

  And an innocent horse girl.

  And I fucked an android, even though I saw the PSA as a kid.

  But Terra? No, that's on her. She's the superfreak, right?

  Oof. One out of five...

  "Oh... god, I am an overwealthy sex pest!"

  "Not any more you aren't. Now, on with the human traditions. The whole Galaxy is watching."

  A pair of burly men in black hoods picked me up from the chair I was in. Only now did I realized I was bound, hands and feet. They carried me toward the Galactic Neck Stumpener.

  "Whoa! What about a last meal? Isn't that a human tradition?"

  The audience booed.

  "Hmmm...." The voice said. "We offer you a last song. Any song you wish to die to, you may die to."

  "And you say the entire galaxy is watching?"

  "Quintillions of beings. Your execution will be a galactic holiday on every world, celebrated for eons. The death of the last great capitalist space tyrant."

  "Ha! Ha Ha! HAHAHAA!"

  "I take it you've chosen your dying song?" The voice asked.

  I looked at my waifus.

  "Never Gonna Give You Up, by Rick Astley." I continued to cackle maniacally as they put me in place and secured my head for removal.

  "So Mote it Be!"

  "We're no strangers to love..."

  The music started, and I felt a serene joy in knowing that quintillions of life forms were getting rickrolled for the trouble of watching me die.

  About half way through the song, I think we all realized it was a great choice.

  "Never gonna give you up"

  The way the executioners had me, I couldn't exactly look up at anyone as I waited, but I tapped my toes into the open air and laughed my fucking head off until the very last lyrics

  "Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you."

  Shunk.

  The blade dropped, and my head fell to the arena floor.

  They never talk about how your face can still hurt when your head's been cut off.

  Nyany screamed. She and T-Neigh jumped over the table and dashed toward my head.

  I rolled and couldn't see what happened next. But there was a yowl, and whinny, and a sudden heat.

  I rolled again and there was an intense laser light show... and then...

  I died.

  The end?

  very highly of it... I just gotta get to work bullying my art witch for some cover art... maybe puff up my backlog a little so it's worth at least a dollar on patreon for it.