Planetary capitals tend to come in one of two flavors. The first is a shining monument to the future. A white beacon of what is to come built on the latest technology to set an example for us all. The other is more traditional. Often a build of great age and greater history; a reminder of what came before. The Andamus capital fits in the second category. Whole thing is made of an ancient wood from a tree that doesn’t exist anymore. The architecture can best be described as Aztec Victorian Aristocracy Shion-zukuri. And really that’s just me picking out features that look vaguely familiar.

  If it wasn’t for all the security it would feel more like a museum. There is art from countless eras going back to their classical ages. A whole history as rich and complex as Humanity’s own. And much like the history of Humanity, I don’t care. I always fell asleep in history class. Yeah, yeah, learn from the past or repeat it and all that. Look, if I wanted some old guy to tell me about how great things used to be and how everything is terrible now I’d watch the evening news. The only people who repeat mistakes are the guys stupid enough to think a bad idea was good in the first place and no amount of lecturing about some dead guy would ever convince them. Ninety percent of mistakes made in the past were just as stupid when the past was the present. The problem is and always has been bad ideas promoted by worse people.

  The majority of Union planets are Democracies of one form or another. Andamus is no different in that regard. As I understand it, and salt heavily here, there are five Branches of government. Of those, the Prime Minister is the only one decided by a planet wide popular vote. You got to really know how to play politics to get enough people to think you are capable of a job like that. Takes moxie, personality, and rampant backstage dealings. Why pure popular vote is never used for an actually important job. President, Prime Minister, King Elect, they are all slightly better than figure heads. No one man can handle that kind of power, even if it is only a portion of the entire governing body. But so long as they kiss babies and give speeches it makes people feel comfortable.

  Today I get to play the role of a baby. I’ll go in, shake his hand, smile for the cameras and then go off to relax on the tax payer’s credits. Hardly the worst deal I've made this year. I can play a part for some free sushi.

  “The Prime Minister is ready to see you now.”

  Inanna and I are let into the Aluminum Office. Aluminum used to be very rare on this world. The Phibians are known for their strong, professional work effort. Which is why I was not expecting to see a Dyna in the Prime Minister seat. Phibians have three sexes. Male, Female, and Dyna. Humans didn’t really have a term for that one so we had to improvise a bit. Could have been worse; almost called them Andies.

  Prime Minister Philot walks up with the strut of a man who knows he’s the most important person in any given room. He shakes my hand, then tugs me forward for a big hug.

  “No formalities in my house. Get in here you hairy primate. You really saved our big blue butts, you know that?”

  He keeps patting me on the back and shaking me by the shoulder in that overly touchy drunk friend way. Unlike Inanna I can actually look Philot eye to eye without having to crane my neck. Dyna are a lot closer to Humans in size. Still heavier on average. Dyna don’t have that characteristic gut, or at least they aren’t supposed to like the PM here. Regardless of sex they all have to lug around a whole bakery in their pants. Between that and the natural baldness Philot looks more like a divorced overweight uncle then a Prime Minister.

  “And there is the number one daughter of Andamus. Didn’t expect you to come home so soon. I would have set up for your grand return. Just imagine your name in the sky. The Great Admiral Inanna, now the even Great First Officer Inanna, two time savior of the Jewel of the Western Sector.”

  “Oh stop. You don’t need me that badly.”

  “Don’t you dare short yourself. You were gone not even a year and look where that got us. If I could make you the de facto Queen I would. You’ve lost weight. Those stingy Union rations are not enough for a growing girl. Come, sit, I have your favorite little bites all ready for you.”

  Is Inanna blushing? And Philot seems to know her pretty well. He’s about five minutes from pulling out a scrap book of embarrassing baby pictures. If I didn’t know any better I’d think he was Inanna’s father.

  You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

  “Tom, I should have told you this earlier but, well, I’d like to introduce you to my mother.”

  Come again?

  “Guitly as sin. Don’t think any less of my little girl here. I wanted her to be a florist.”

  “With these fat fingers? You know I wasn’t cut out for that.”

  “And I never thought I’d be cut out for politics but I kept at it. Look at me now. The proud Prime Minister and Mother of the greatest Phibian of a whole generation.”

  Right, right. Dyna is short for Fluid Dynamics. Bet whoever came up with that was proud of themselves. Male and Female Phibians don’t look that different, aside from the very obvious distinction, and socially are treated very similarly. Dyna can shift from male to female. And whatever you can think of in between. A bridge between the genders that has made them such strong supporters for orientation equality. To be honest, we could have used something like that back in the day.

  “Oh, where are my manners? Leaving the guest of honor off in the cold. Please, have a drink. Inanna tells me you enjoy a good slosh.”

  “Hopefully that’s all she’s told you.”

  “We both wish. I know you mammals love your body hair. It’s just hard for me to imagine having so much of it between my legs. Doesn’t that chafe?”

  I side eye Inanna. I knew she rummaged around my stuff when I wasn’t around. I do not remember any instance where she would have gotten a full look at my Henry Johnson.

  “Can I get that drink now? I feel I could use it.”

  “Hope you like Nori Gin. It’s our specialty.”

  I’m poured a fancy glass of green liquid. Smells like this came from the sea, only appropriate. I give it the old college try. A lot weaker than I prefer. It tastes really good. A bit like a thin fish broth. You only get a hint of bitter alcohol right at the tail end.

  “That’s a fine flavor.”

  “Drink all you want. My world is an oyster that you are free to partake in. I recommend it with the roe boats and isopod cocktail.”

  As we speak, reporters are taking pictures of our every move. A foreigner enjoying the local flavor always gets a frontpage. The security let the rabble come a little closer for the interview portion.

  “Captain Tom, what brought you to Andamus in the first place.”

  “We were going to go on a little vacation. It is now going to be extended to a long vacation. No better place to be for that.”

  That seemed to please the crowd. I’m better at this than I thought. Another takes their shot.

  “Captain Tom. We have had direct testimony that several merchants were forced off their ship during the battle. There have been rumors of a lawsuit.”

  “Did they tell you the ship we had to drag them away from blew up not two minutes later? Your cargo or your life. I don’t make the rules, that’s just what happened.”

  Next reporter practically shoulder checked the last one out of the way.

  “Former Admiral Inanna. What do you say to those that believe your current position is a step down from your previous one?”

  “Ask them how many times they’ve stopped an invasion. My short time as First Officer aboard the Moby has been the most enlightening of my career. Next time, they can go save the day against these odds.”

  Now that set off the hornets. Philot personally waves down the crowd.

  “That’s enough you scavenging lampreys. Go find a different ambulance to chase.”

  Security quickly pushes the reporters out. Must be nice having staff you can rely on who don’t throw away your favorite suit. Yes I’m still mad about that.

  “Now that our obligations are complete, I wanted to let you know I’ve taken the liberty of securing your loggings for the time being. Hope you like them because you will be staying there for a while. We may have the best shipyards on this side of the galaxy but even we have our limits.”

  “Oh momma, you didn’t have to go through all that.”

  “I did and will continue to do so. Be grateful you have a mother who cares for you as well as I do. Not everyone would go to the effort of requisitioning a private month-long stay at the Ccrrrroaka Temple.”

  The translator broke down. Must still need a name. Though most of the major locations for Andamus were named already. Whatever it is, it must be something. Inanna is going all starry eyed. She looks genuinely giddy.

  “I’m sure it will more than meet our expectations. Thank you for being so thoughtful.”

  “No, thank you. I could not thank you enough even if I said so every second for that whole month. Here, one last toast. To the three most important people in the room and on this world.”