It had been a long time since I had been completely coated in blood. Though I couldn’t remember anything clearly, it was a familiar embrace. …An embrace that happened to be wet and involving the least pleasant of bodily fluids.
The next embrace was the yelling of men intent on killing each other. Which there was a lot of at that moment.
You have re-learned the skill;
‘Sense motive’ -Godly
You are now able to sense other beings motive’s.
Because of your low level, skill is reduced in level.
New level is;
‘Sense motive’ -Common
*Error*
Heavenly influence detected. Unable to lower skill.
New skill level;
‘Sense motive’ -Godly
*Well, look at that. You freaking toe, always breaking my stuff.*
I felt righteously indignant. I was not blue cheese, why would he call me a toe?! My head hurt too much, like I’d been hit by a hammer. Scratch that, a building. Never mind, a woman. A very attractive woman whom I wanted badly. I was knocked unconscious.
…
Nivlac watched the piece of cheese as the bandits raided the wagon he was on.
The idiot had actually done it. He’d gone and re-molted for the hundredth time. And into cheese of all things!
Nivlac started to smile. It had been a long time. A very, very long time, but he would keep the oath he’d made.
Nivlac tossed the crystal he’d been looking through over his shoulder and onto the floor, it shattered as he walked across the gigantic bedroom over to a dresser that was larger than a small city. Opening it, he magically pulled an old robe to his hand.
It was so old that without his godly ability [Antiaging] it would have withered away by now.
Pulling off the robe he’d worn for the last two hundred years, Nivlac tossed it on the floor. With any luck, he’d never come back.
With a grin, Nivlac stormed out of his cosmic palace, flying to the end of the universe. The oath of a god could not be broken, though it wasn’t like he wanted to break that particular oath. It was high time he went home. He hoped that everyone hadn’t decided to die while he was gone.
…
I didn’t wake up until someone had killed all the bandits.
It wasn’t the first time I’d woken up surrounded by corpses, but it was the first time I hadn’t been mortally wounded. I decided to ponder that later and not ask the System. He’d ramped up the sass to unbearable levels and I was starting to flinch every time I saw a system notification.
The dead elf --I was quite sure her name was Cleatus-- had been removed and I was laying in the dirt. Even though I was surrounded by dead bandits, Cleatus and the others were nowhere in sight.
I was alone. Again.
A familiar numbing loneliness washed over me. Then the System, the jerk wad, sent a notification.
You have been gifted;
Dead Bandit +9 level 3 to 5
Dead Bandit Lord level 10
Half of XP gained by victor has been added to level.
Level up!
Level is now; 3
Skill(s) upgraded!
Stop talking to me! I waved my hands in front of my face, trying to wave away screens that weren't there. Nivlac, I’m tired.
Nivlac asks that you not contact him unless of something important.
Please refrain from contact.
“I wasn’t trying to talk to him. I was taking his name in vain.” I sat up and rubbed my rind.
Nivlac had taken 1 HP from you in retaliation.
*You idiot. Don’t make fun of gods, that's a quick way to die. On second thought… Please make fun of any gods you can think of! It's a great idea!*
I could feel the irritation in the prompt and was filled with vindictive pleasure at irritating the System. What a moron. If only the gods kept promises. I frowned and sat up. If there was a promise I couldn’t remember it for the whey of me. And how on earth had I gotten full heath?
I almost slapped myself. “I’m such a dummy! Healing magic!” Healing magic and elves were kind of aligned. Cleon had obviously healed me. Wait, no her name was Clarence. Oh well, it didn’t matter, she was dead.
I shook my head and looked around at the blooded and burnt corpses. I had to get out of there quickly, if anyone found me surrounded by corpses they’d probably assume --very naturally and like a normal person-- that I was a mimic. And if that happened they’d try to kill me and I would very much like to not die. I started to walk in a random direction. I hoped I wouldn’t die.
…
Ickylamassa Shrinessa was hated by his whole family.
He lived alone in the rock beneath his fathers tree in the Forest of Weston as called by the humans. Icky --his mother had called him that so he often referred to himself that way-- had a large family who all lived in the tree above him, they often visited him.
Their ‘visits’ often consisted of him getting beat up and them stealing his food. Icky sighed and flattened his scaled body under the rock. He’d started hiding his food away from his rock but couldn’t leave entirely for fear that they would follow him.
He hated them, but couldn’t stop loving them --his brothers and sisters-- for they only hurt him to protect themselves from their father.
If only… what? He’d been able to control his ability better? He could have protected his mother?
Icky shook his head and stood up, only to pause. Something walked into the clearing… then promptly left. Icky started to come out of his rock, but stopped. The creature came back.
It went on like that for a while, the creature coming and going like the clearing was the planet and it was jumping up and down.
…
I had been walking around for less than five minutes before I was attacked by hungry birds. I managed to get away, but just barely. After that I wandered around for, like, ten hours. But the thing that finally made me snap was seeing the same tree and rock duo for the umpteenth time.
“Why?!” I screamed to no one in particular.
“That entirely depends on your question.” said a voice from underneath a rock.
I turned and glared at the lizard. “Great. I’ve been wandering around for so long that I’ve started to hallucinate talking lizards. At least it’s not a flower with malicious intent.”
The lizard pattered out and slithered to the top of his rock. “If you are delusional enough to think I am a figment of your imagination, well, I hate to break it to you that you're not smart enough to think up a talking lizard.”
My rind puckered up in a scowl. My issue with what he’d said was only an issue because he was right. I tried to put my hands on my hips, but they just slid down my completely smooth body, so I awkwardly folded them under my mouth. “H-how dare you!”
The lizard blinked at me, then he rolled his eyes. He rolled his eyes! If you don’t know what it looks like for a lizard to roll its eyes, don’t think about it. It's disturbing.
The lizard pattered off of the rock and sat down in front of me. “Hello. My name is Icky, Ickylamassa Shrinessa. May I ask what your name is?”
“Rolf.” I grumbled before I could remember the “UNKNOWN” status that prevented me from having a name. How-
Congratulations!
You have rediscovered your name!
Your name is now;
Rolf UNKNOWN UNKNOWN
Name, middle and last, have been redacted because of condition;
Memory loss
The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
New information has been added to your Quest;
‘Why, Where and How’!
“Just a minute Icky guy, I need to check something.”
The lizard --I had already forgotten his name-- mumbled something under his breath as I pulled up my character sheet for the first time since I’d been kidnapped from the dungeon.
Name: Rolf (Unknown, Unknown)
Age: 135
Race: Humanoid Intelligent Cheese
Race Level: 3
Title(s): ‘The Cheese Lord’
Achievement(s):
‘You’ve made a friend!’
‘Sentience’
Skill(s):
‘System notifications’ 3 -Garbage
‘Small inventory’ -Common
‘Lesser mana control’ 4 -Garbage
‘Mana sight’ 3 -Rare
‘Shape change’ -Mythical
‘Identify’ -Rare
‘Voice box’ -Rare
Ability(s):
‘Character sheet’ -Common
‘Communication’ -Rare
‘Sense motive’ -Godly
System Added Item(s):
Childlock(s):
‘Selective ears’ -Transcendent
‘Tongue tied’ -Transcendent
Kill Count: Regular; 9 Class holder; 1 Mid boss; 0 Boss; 0 Lord; 0 God; 0
Quest(s):
‘Stop being weak!’
‘Find the owner of the cellar’
‘Why, Where and How’
Completed quest(s);
‘Get out of the cellar’
UNKNOWN
UNKNOWN
UNKNOWN
UNKNOWN
Known god(s): Nivlac
Health points: 21/30 Mana points: 70 Stanima points: 20 +458
The sheer amount of information was so overwhelming that I felt slightly dizzy. I focused on one of the last things I saw. Known gods. Does that mean that there is more than one? How strange, but I guess that with the spread of Christianity most religions like that kind of died off, so it made sense that I wouldn’t have thought of there being more than one.
Congratulations!
You have discovered the existence of a Pantheon!
You do not know the names of the other gods of the Nivlactic Pantheon.
Congratulations!
More information has been added to your quest;
‘Why, Where and How’
You somehow know information about other worlds that has been a close guarded secret by very powerful people.
*Don’t close your eyes too long, you might end up in a cheese pie. Some people really dislike their secrets to be known by others.*
I shivered. What the heck? Why such an ominous message? On top of that, ‘Nivlactic Pantheon’ implies that there are more Pantheons. And different worlds. And what even is ‘Christianity’? Ugh, my head is not liking this.
The System, being ever helpful, popped up with another prompt.
Congratulations!
You have discovered;
*Error*
*Pulling up list of pantheons*
Pantheon list:
Molasba Woldul Yrrap Mit
Nosidda Nolram Egiap Relyt
Neelia Nnayram Pillihp Yelsew
Ollhopa Duam Retrop Wordoow
Treb Anom Ydnar Arahaz
Marteb Trom *Flor* *Error*
*Nivlac* Ycnan Emolas *Error*
Kciwdahc Ahsatan *Ahtnamas* *Error*
Omsoc Elliven Haras *Error*
*Nad* Salohcin Namrehs *Error*
Lamag Ikkin Yrret *Error*
Edaj Haidabo Arodoeht *Error*
*Error* Unable to complete list
*Good heavens, you're a potato of unbelievable size. Breaking more of my stuff.*
The list did absolutely nothing to help me in any way whatsoever. But it was interesting, so I found myself pondering it, thinking about it, and overall being very wise.
I was rudely interrupted from my revelry by the lizard. “It’s very rude to look at your character sheet when you're with company.” The lizard looked at me judgmentally.
“You’re not a person, so I don’t have to be polite.” It was an offhanded comment, of course I had done nothing wrong. But the System seemed to think otherwise
Title unlocked!
Jack-[Harmful content blocked]
You have exhibited extremely rude behavior toward the people who surround you!
*If I could have, I would have included that last part, but since it’s not a direct message from me, your ‘Selective ears’ Childlock blocks it. That’s right. Your new name is Jack the Donkey. *
Great. Now the System is trying to guilt trip me into being ‘Nice’ to people. Well it wasn’t going to work! “I’m sorry, that was rude.”
The lizard sniffed imperiously and gave me an accusing look. “I accept your apology.”
I nodded my body to him --it almost seemed to make me bow but I, Rolf, would never bow!-- and turned to leave.
I got barely five steps away when I heard a sound. It was the sound of crunching leaves. I ignored it, assuming it to be Icky the lizard. Then there was the whacking sound of someone being hit and someone yelping in pain. I whipped my self around and spotted three really big lizards surrounding my lizard. From the way he was flattened into the ground and the way they stood around him in a semi circle implied that Icky had been attacked.
Those jerks!
“Hey!” I called out, stumbling slightly as I turned around fully. “You leave him alone you- you-”
I stopped and all four of the lizards --Icky included-- stared at me. I smacked my cheesy lips, unsure how to continue. If I swore at them the system would take health points, which would only make it harder to fight them, especially if it was a long fight.
“-ruffians!” I finished weakly. What am I even thinking? I can’t fight these guys! How am I even calculating something like this?
“They can’t understand you.” Icky whisper yelled at me. One of the lizards reached forward with its front paw and stomped on Icky’s head, he called out in pain, his legs spasming out to his side.
I flinched, my hands closing into fists with a squeaking sound. This is none of your business. On top of that, you can’t fight these guys! You are cheese for crying out loud! It’s none of your business, walk away.
I sucked my lower lip into my mouth, chewing it, for lack of a better word. Then my decision was made for me, one of the lizards turned toward me and sprinting forward at incredibly fast speeds. I took that as my cue to leave and started sprinting in a random direction as fast as I could.
When your legs are made of string cheese it's very hard to run. When your legs are made of string cheese and you have the endurance of a new born baby, well you can barely run five feet before collapsing. I had plus four hundred and fifty stamina, but in the face of my low endurance, it barely did anything. So it was like watching a toddler walk for the first time, they walk for a second before dropping to the ground like they were made to do that.
The lizard who’d been chasing me stopped and stared at me with bored, half-lidded eyes. It turned around and left, scampering back toward Icky and the other lizards. None of them bothered with me, probably seeing me as a lesser being or something. It didn’t matter, I was in the clear… even though they only stood a few strides from me.
I got back up, glancing around to make sure that no one else had seen me fall. The lizards stopped paying me any attention at all.
Congratulations!
You have discovered;
Stats!
Stats include:
Carisma
Constitution
Endurance
Intelagence
Perception
Strength
Just by thinking about my endurance? Why do I feel like normal people would already know their stats? The System is such a creep, hiding these things from me. I brought up my stat screen.
Carrisma 5 (+15 on individuals who enjoy cheese, with chance they’ll eat you)
Constitution 5
Endurance 0
Intelagence 7
Perception 6
Strength 0
You have 12 unused stat points *chough -not earned- chough*, do you wish to use them?
(Y/N)?
I hesitated, glancing at Icky who was being beaten brutally. His head had been smashed into the soft soil, he was bleeding from where the other lizards cut him with their claws. Not your problem, none of your business.
I turn around and start walking.
“Please,” Icky sobbed behind me, “please help me. It hurts.”
“It hurts.” A little boy stares at me with tear filled eyes. His legs are torn clean off.
Are you sure you wish to place 12 stat points into endurance?
(Y/N)?
Yes.
I leapt around and sprinted toward Icky, my little cheesy legs pounded onto the ground, the distance between us closed. Jumping at the nearest lizard, I jabbed my fingers into his eyes. I felt the popping sensation of an eyeball exploding.
My hand tears straight through the old man’s head, blood and gore raining down over me. It was his own fault for being unable to kill me. I had wanted him too, why couldn’t I let him?
The lizard shrieked and pattered away. The other lizards followed, leaving Icky’s bloodied and bruised body next to me.
“If you can’t die, why don’t you try to win instead?” A blond man smiles at me, his joyful proclamation made me scowl. I didn’t hurt him though, he’s the only one who survived this long besides me.
The lizard who no longer had eyes was hiding behind the others; the biggest lizard glared at me. There was something in his eyes, something I recognized. Fear.
A woman screams as I stand over the dead body of her husband. I whip around and throw a knife at her throat. Her children are crying.
I trembled with adrenaline and something I couldn't identify. Icky slowly stood up next to me, “Ugh, thanks, but we should probably run now.”
“If I can’t die, why not win?” I muttered.
Icky stared at me with an incredulous look on his face. “What a stupid idea.”
I nodded. "That man must have been a moron.”
Then I grinned, it split my face in two. “No wonder we’d been friends.” I leapt forward at the biggest lizard.
You are now in active battle.
hate trying to get every little detail right. It's not like this is a serious work of fiction either, so I don't think it matters.
