I’m free-falling through astral space in my dragon form. I could easily use my wings to gain control, but right now… It’s too much. The last shred of my silver cord dissolves, my last connection to the real world fades away into non-existence. It’s a major event, I know that, nothing will ever be the same, and all of that, but I just can’t bring myself to care.

  Lost in sorrow, I keep my body limp and submit to the fall.

  There’s a crash and a splash, both at once. It feels like I slammed back-first into a brick wall, and the atmosphere around me feels so different. I’m underwater! Little bubbles float up from my slack mouth towards the surface, which moves further and further away, the more I sink. Instinctively, I thrash my tail and legs, but this dragon body, that’s so natural in the air, may not be skilled at swimming.

  My tail twists around, but it’s a rudder that I don’t know how to use, and it’s just steering me deeper down. My waterlogged wings flap, but the weight of the water, it’s not at all like the void of space, or the lightness of air… I’m saddled by their anchor-like heaviness.

  And all the while, I’m sinking deeper and deeper.

  I gag, swallowing a sudden gulp of cold water, and it hits me: I’m drowning! I’m drowning! Death by drowning, how many times has that particular nightmare woken me up? Too many. I’ve got to get it together!

  I try to cough out the water, but it’s all around me — I’m choking on the salty water. Choking? The images of hands tight around my neck…

  If I don’t do anything, then Rich will have won, and I’ll really be gone. Damn it! At the thought, I swallow my apathy and focus on the rage I feel for my stepbrother. It burns inside me, first a spark, but soon a raging fire!

  I won’t let him win. I won’t let him win!

  But all that dedication, all that rage - it’s just making me flail even more uselessly. I’m drinking in big gulps of water, and there’s a new feeling lurking on the fringes—panic!

  I can’t stop the useless movement, even though I know it’s hurting more than helping. The fear of water pushes me deeper into the depths. The depths of the ocean, and the depths of memory.

  That fated summer night in early 2000. Darude’s “Sandstorm” on the boombox, Tiffany and I swimming in Dad’s pool olympic-sized pool. We’d polished off two bottles of wine and had each dropped a tab of e. We were riding a hazy early evening high, giggling and kissing and dancing, often all at the same time.

  “Tiffany, do you know who I am?” I asked, an overwhelming urge bubbling over, hot and heady like the rich Merlot.

  “Tell me, Janie, who are you?” Tiffany laughed as she lit up yet another of those disgusting American Spirit yellow box cigarettes.

  “I’m a mermaid, watch me swim!” I shouted as I ran towards the water. I’d never been the best swimmer, but somehow I managed an elaborate running dive…

  Straight into the shallow end of the pool.

  Next thing I knew, Tiff was screaming, and one of our security guards was crouched over me. My head throbbed like crazy, but I was lucky; I was left with nothing worse than a bad bruise, a headache, and a lingering fear of swimming that’s kept me out of the water ever since.

  The memory of Tiffany, and how she looked at me, before the accident, only for her to stop returning my calls when I needed her the most.

  Then there’s my anger’s primary target — Rich! It’s not like it was with Tiffany, I mean, he had never liked me, but to hate me so much that he could kill me?

  It’s not the water that’s drowning me; it’s Tiffany’s lost smile and Rich’s tight grip that is choking the life from me.

  I’m trapped in the memories’ undertow.

  Wait, silhouettes above me! Humanoids wearing diving flippers, swimming.

  I struggle with one clawed hand in front of the other, trying fruitlessly to doggy paddle. These arms and legs are so much shorter than I’m used to.

  The humanoids, growing ever more hazy in the distant sunlight overhead, until they’re little more than phantoms.

  All the while;

  I’m sinking deeper…

  and deeper…

  This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

  and

  deeper…

  ***

  A sensation! A hand on my face, strong yet gentle, the tactile anchor I need to pull myself out of terror.

  I open my eyes, and it’s her, Princess Tanza, floating next to my head, wearing that familiar swimsuit, a weblike breathing apparatus, and flippers on her feet. She’s paddling hard just to keep in contact with me, through all my floundering motion.

  I’ve got to pull it together! I could accidentally injure her with a claw if I keep this up! I’ve got to relax. Push through apathy, anger, and panic, and find clarity. It’s like statistics, you have to look through bias to find the truth of the analysis.

  The truth?

  I burst out laughing; just soundless bubbles that pour from my mouth in these watery depths.

  I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid!

  I’m a freakin’ space dragon; I fly through the void of space, there’s no way I’m gonna drown! I don’t need oxygen.

  The laugher’s bubbly texture is so different than the drowning sensation of a moment ago. I really let go, let my body be wracked in the humor of it all, and as I do, the salty ocean water I’ve drunk in is pushed out through dozens of exhaust-like gills that line the underside of my body. I never even noticed them before!

  I settle down from my giggling fit and still my body. The golden brown of my eyes meets Tanza’s own radiant red, and my lips curl up in a wide dragony smile.

  Tanza is next to me, legs in constant motion as they paddle. She’s an angel, a mermaid. I swallow back the unwanted memories implied by that word. But as I watch how she moves her arms, riding the current like a fish, the descriptor fits. That sort of movement? It oughta be natural for a dragon. I just have to find the beat.

  I’m gonna need the right track. Something watery and driving, I blink twice, and my astral iPod appears to my mind’s eye. I scan for a moment until I find it. 4 Strings, “Take Me Away (Vocal Radio Mix)”. It’s such a new track that I haven’t danced to it yet, but it’s perfect.

  The clarity of the music, such a strong contrast from the murkiness of fear that I’d been lost in.

  “Take me away, a million miles away,” the singer’s soulful European accent hits me hard. That’s exactly where I am, a million miles away.

  My unprocessed loss, it’s there inside me - a net filled with thousands of fishlike emotions, writhing and flapping, yearning for escape. Now’s not the time to fix it, or even feel it, but I can use it. Use it as a fuel.

  The snares build to shuddering climax, making way for a hard break. It’s time!

  I mimic Tanza’s fishlike motion, and I’m not sinking - I’m holding position despite the current.

  “You’re taking me higher!” The lyric hits just the right encouraging note, and I ride the positivity, and I’m swimming! It’s slow at first, but keeping my wings tucked to my side to keep them on pause, and synchronizing my tiny legs - it’s really happening.

  I wink at Tanza and wriggle more tightly, causing me to speed up. Rising towards the surface.

  Watching Tanza’s lythe form, dancing with me under the waves, keeping pace with my dragon’s form? I’m not ready for it yet… But it’s a hint at a future good feeling.

  The closer I get to the surface, the slower I start to move. Once I cross from water to land, I’m going to have to talk, to explain - and that’s scary.

  Halfway up, I decide to take a little detour, veering off to the left, my body now in tune with the music. I hold steady during a break to give Tanza time to catch up to me. As the drums make their triumphant return, I burst into action. Swimming circles around her, the sun’s light reflecting off my scales, pours a radiant pointilist light show on the princess. Her eyes widen with a little girl’s sense of innocence and awe; she’s lost in the spectacle of this magical underwater fireworks display.

  I want something nice. I need something nice, and so I ride out the rest of the song’s runtime, underwater dancing and delighting in the interplay between the light and the princess’s body.

  The song ends, and I click stop before the remix starts. It’s been a nice break, but it’s time to move forward. I stop dancing and swim towards the surface. The sun’s light grows brighter and brighter with every stroke, the water undertow, now little more than a gentle bobbing movement.

  ***

  I smash through the barrier between water and air! After my time in the depths, the blue light of the alien sun is almost blindingly powerful and radiant. I rise into the air and shake the last clinging droplets of water from my scaly skin, basking in the day’s warmth.

  Below me in the water, float Tanza’s entourage of friends and guards. I can tell which is which, because the friends cheer her savior dragon, whereas the guards hold tight onto their spearguns, waiting to determine if I’m a risk or not before celebrating.

  The same large yacht from before floats nearby. A few guards line the deck and, away from them, a short, muscular man in his early twenties stares unblinkingly at me. His objectively handsome jaw fixed tight in what appears to be annoyance.

  All the attention’s overwhelming, so I fly close to the water and transform back into my human form. Maybe if I’m not a dragon, people will chill?

  Of course, once my body splashes into the cold saltwater, that long-ago summer night flashes back, and I freak out. I splish and splash furiously, like a four-year-old thrown into the water for the first time.

  Princess Tanza swims next to me and whispers, “It’s okay, JayMay. I’m here. Just relax and let me take care of you.” Despite my every instinct urging movement, I let myself go still and limp. She loops her arms under my own and peddles towards the yacht.

  My heart rate slows. I ignore the shouted questions of her swimming next to us and luxuriate instead in the touch of her skin against my own.

  “Are you okay to climb?” She asks as we reach the little ladder that leads from the ocean to the boat.

  “I’m okay,” I lie, still feeling dizzy with exhaustion.

  I grip onto the first rung of the ladder and try to pull myself up, but it’s as if my human body’s as heavy as the dragon’s but has none of its strength. My muscles strain as I try to pull myself up, but quiver, and before I’ve risen more than an inch or two, I collapse from the ladder back into the cold and salty water.

  I narrowly miss landing on the princess. She grabs hold of me. I lean my head against her chest and look up at her. She smiles down at me and suddenly, for the first time since entering the world, I feel safe. The image of her blurs as I buckle under the weight of psychological and physical exhaustion. My body grows heavier and heavier. I yield to the powerful pull, close my eyes, and let myself drift in her arms, soon lost in a heavy slumber.