You Are the Murderer Now

  by Matthew Gilliam

  A shadowy voice in the darkness with a singsong game show lilt.

  “Welcome, contestants, to America’s new favorite game show on Court TV. I’m your host,

  Dorian Estrada. Today we are joined by two contestants plucked from the streets of Los

  Angeles and one mass murderer from the correctional system. For those of you tuning in for

  the first time, I would like to say welcome. The way our little game works is simple. The three

  contestants have been given a drug that will keep them neutral, and they will get the chance to

  plead their case as to why they should go free, and then our viewers at home get to vote. Those

  that walk away get one million dollars and are exempt from federal and state taxes for life.

  Will the killer go free, or will justice prevail?”

  “Contestant number one. Why should you go free?”

  A female voice, eerily calm, speaks to the audience.

  “My name is Judith Martinez. I am a mother of three children. My husband Edmond is in the

  hospital, and nobody is there to care for the children. I need to go home. Without me, my entire

  family could be destroyed.”

  “Okay, Judith, you have had your first say. Let’s hear from our next contestant.”

  “Hello, everyone. My name is David Hensley. I live alone with my two dogs. I volunteer at the

  local shelter to find families for stray animals. Showing the lost pets love is what gets me out

  of bed in the morning. Please send me home to my pets.”

  “Okay, David, let’s get you back to those adorable puppies of yours, and let’s hear from

  contestant three.”

  “Good afternoon, everyone. This is so exciting. My name is Emily Bluth. I am seventy-seven

  years old. I have lived in L.A. for the past thirty years. I moved out here to be near my

  grandkids. They have since moved on, but I like the warm climate, so I stay here and fly out to

  see my great-grandkids in Des Moines. I understand it is a hard decision y’all have to make,

  but know that I forgive you.”

  “Okay, everyone, on to the second round. This is where each contestant can challenge one

  other contestant. This can come in the form of a question or an outright accusation. Will David

  the dog lover go after the mother of three, or will he attack the grandmother like the rabid dog

  he may be? David, what would you like to do?”

  “I think that Judith is lying. She sounds too young to be a mother of three. I want her to tell me

  her kids’ names and birthdays.”

  “Their names are Miguel, Angelica, and Javier. Birthdays are 10/22/20, 3/15/23, and 6/17/25.

  They are the reason I live.”

  “Now, Judith. How does that make you feel knowing that David thinks you are the murderer?

  Does it make you want revenge or retaliation? While you think on that, here is a word from our

  sponsor, Cutall.”

  “Don’t you hate that stubborn baked-on grease? Or perhaps the dried blood from your last

  kill? Well, no need to worry. With Cutall, it will cut all those stubborn grime out of your life.”

  “Now, Judith, which is it—revenge or retaliation?”

  “I think it has to be Emily, because nobody would snatch an innocent old lady for this show.

  Emily, where did you grow up, and what was your favorite pet’s name?”

  “Oh boy, things are heating up now, folks. Emily, how would you like to respond?”

  “Well, I grew up in Idaho. We bounced around a lot as a kid, so I did not get to have a pet till I

  was an adult. When I was younger I did have a stuffed dog that I named Spot, but the name of

  my cat when I did get to have a pet was St. George. He was an overly dramatic orange cat. He

  passed quite a few years ago, sadly. Got hit by a car.”

  “Now, Emily, we have heard from David, who went after Judith the mother of three, and we

  Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

  have heard from Judith, who went after you. Is there anything that you would like to ask either

  contestant?”

  “Not sure I want to really go after either. They seem like such nice young people, even if they

  are a little rude. In the spirit of fairness, I think I will ask David a question. What keeps you up

  at night? I know it is a silly question, but I don’t want to be mean.”

  “Well, David, Emily and the greater audience wants to know. What keeps you up at night?

  Besides being rude, that is.”

  “Being alone keeps me up at night. I live in a constant state of chaos and fear that today will be

  the day that I will find love and let it slip through my fingers.”

  “Okay, folks, for this next segment I will list three truths about the contestants. They are not in

  any particular order, and you will have to decide which is true to which contestant. ‘I prefer

  animals to my family.’ ‘Children are a waste of space and time.’ And last but certainly not

  least, ‘I would rather live anywhere than here.’ Now keep in mind, folks, that these statements

  are all one hundred percent true. They are not taken out of context, and they were said by these

  contestants. So now let’s get our preliminary poll of the audience. Who said what?”

  “Okay, the votes are in and the numbers are counted. ‘I prefer animals to my family.’ The

  survey says Emily. Okay. ‘Children are a waste of space and time.’ Survey says David. Which

  leaves ‘I would rather live anywhere than here.’ Survey says Judith. Wow, that is a surprise.

  We usually have a split decision on at least one of the choices, but the audience is clearly

  decisive about this one. So normally we would go into the contestants’ final questions, but now

  I think we need to see some background on the killer to see if that will help you decide. Our

  killer murdered twenty-two people in a shopping mall. Men, women, and children. Two

  different reasons for the killings were given at trial. One, the killer was cut off going into the

  parking garage, and the other was they saw an animal being mistreated. Was the infraction

  worth the death of twenty-two people? Now you get to decide.”

  “Oh, now that is some surprising information to some of you. But here we go. I am going to be

  direct with our contestants. Judith, did you murder twenty-two people in a shopping mall?”

  “No. I did not kill anyone. I want to go home and see my children.”

  “Well, you heard it here first, folks. Judith didn’t do it. What does David have to say? David,

  did you kill those people in the mall?”

  “I have never killed anyone.”

  “Well, dang. No last-minute confessions from the first two contestants. How about you, Miss

  Emily—did you kill those twenty-two people?”

  “No, I didn’t. But I just want you all to know, if you have to vote for me, I forgive you. And I

  hope you find it in your heart to forgive yourself.”

  “Well, folks, no confessions this week to make this an easy decision for you. Almost time to

  call for the vote, but before we do, here is one more word from our sponsor, Cutall.”

  “Cutall. The highest-rated cleaner on the market. Ten out of ten mass murderers agree. Buy

  Cutall for all your cleaning needs.”

  “Okay, folks, the vote is live. One of our three contestants is going to leave here in a body bag.

  Which will it be? Judith, mother of three. David, the doggy daddy. Or Emily, the forgiving

  grandma. Remember, the choice is yours.”

  Fade to black.

  …

  Dorian is back on stage, grinning.

  “Remember, folks, to prevent murder, have your children spayed or neutered.”

  Credits roll.

  One heartbeat.

  Two.

  A long pause.

  A word from our sponsor, Cutall.

  You are the murderer now.