Chapter 13: Aoife (part 2 of 2)

  On the night before her departure from Calais, Aoife Griffin sat on a rooftop, watching the stars. The attic where she and Clodagh stayed had a window that opened onto the flat part of the roof. It was a trivial matter to climb through and find a seat overlooking their street in the town centre—certainly a simpler task than what it had taken for her to skip onto the rooftop above Mr Rockford's smithy once upon a time.

  With a pang of guilt and worry, she thought of the old blacksmith and the last she had seen of him—wounded, burnt, with a blackened and useless arm. The image then cycled to that of a once proud Seth Marlowe, sobbing and hugging his bloody stump. She wished for some way to talk to them again, to find out if they had pulled through, but there was no way back to Thameside for her or her family. She could only pray for them—something she very rarely thought to do but she did it now, closing her eyes and lowering her head in an imitation of what she saw from Da and other members of the Griffin clan when she had been little.

  When she opened her eyes again, the stars were still there, brilliant and manifold in the clear night sky. She wondered then, for how long would Aoife the voyager be watching the same stars as the ship took her to new sights and sounds? There were now two versions of this future Aoife, one that sailed south down the coast, and another that took to the open seas—onto the transatlantic passage and the true unknown. Her mental image of herself vacillated between the two versions, each taking turns to clarify and solidify before blurring and fading into the other.

  As promised, Lucy had broken the news to the whole family as they gathered for dinner. Reactions were mixed to say the least, but the most emphatic among them had been Clodagh's. She had said 'yes' before Lucy could finish her question. Aoife was starting to understand just how headstrong her sister had always been. She bore witness at the dinner table as Clodagh, with surety and aplomb, seized this opportunity to express herself.

  The sisters' final adventure by the River Thames had revealed in spectacular fashion that Clodagh too was a Magicker. This was a significant lift to her aspirations for a career in adventuring, and what better way was there to hone her knowledge and skills than a bona fide adventure into a land still shrouded in mystery? Clodagh also offered a simple explanation on why she must go. "Granda Rui needs to know that Ma is alive. He needs to come home to his daughter." Aoife couldn't think of anything to refute that.

  And yet, she herself still wavered. If both she and Clodagh went off with Lucy, Ma would be left by herself looking after the three younger children. Granted, Ma was slowly regaining her old health. She would also have the support of Michael and the other Taos, and lately even Niall seemed more willing to help around the house. Despite all that, could Aoife really let herself take away Ma's two oldest daughters in one fell swoop? Lucy said that they'd be able to write each other, but that the letters would take months to travel. If she did decide to follow her great-aunt to the New World, Aoife was convinced that she would spend every waking hour worrying about her family on the other side of the ocean.

  Presently, the window swung open, and Aoife waited to see Clodagh emerge from within the attic. To her surprise, it was her mother that poked her head out and clumsily clambered over the windowsill. By the time Aoife slid over to help her onto the roof, Ma was breathing heavily, a symptom of her bloodlessness that persisted despite a daily regimen of Lucy's treatments and Aoife's tricks. As she waited for Ma to settle, Aoife was acutely reminded that this was another reason she couldn't leave her side. How could she, when she knew that she could offer her mother comfort and warmth on the months-long journey?

  As if she read her thoughts, Ma turned a placatory smile to Aoife, now breathing somewhat easier. "Did I tell you? Lucy and I went to the chemist the other day and bought some medicine. Apparently, it's meant to top up the iron in my blood. Who knew there were pieces of metal floating around in our bodies, eh?"

  Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  Ma had taken the news about her father in stride, with nary a noticeable shift to her mood. Even when Clodagh had declared her intentions of going her separate way, Ma remained calm, resorting only to a few logistical questions for Lucy. It was a far cry from the night the family had met Lucy for the first time, when the mere mention of a shipwreck had woken in Ma deep-seated and terrifying half-memories. Aoife found this reassuring yet oddly unsettling.

  "I thought you'd be more... upset," she blurted the first thing that came to mind.

  "What should I be upset about?"

  "I don't know. About Clodagh? About your Da? Maybe upset isn't the right word... Aren't you at least worried? Clodagh's about to cross the Atlantic, the same place where your... you know..."

  Aoife trailed off, failing to find the delicacy in her sentiments. Ma's gentle smile didn't change, however, and her voice was steady save for the slightest and infrequent tremble. "Of course I'm worried, love. I'd be worried sick if I weren't already sick to begin with. But my worrying's never got in the way of my children growing up, so why should that change now?"

  Ma looked up to the sky, then leaned over and rested her head on Aoife's shoulder. Ma's straight black hair fell loose and weaved itself into Aoife's wavy auburn. When she spoke again, it was barely above a whisper, and Aoife was reminded of her childhood—huddled with Clodagh on a tiny bed, desperate to stay awake as Ma told them a bedtime story.

  "When I see the stars on a clear night like this, I get reminded of just how small we are. Everything we'd been through, from Galway to Dubhlind to Thameside and now to... God knows where. It's all so small in the vastness of the world, just like how these stars are tiny specks in the sky. And who knows, maybe even our world isn't as big as we think it is.

  "But do you know what, love? Everything that happened in my tiny insignificant life, every child and husband I lost, every parent I can't remember, every time I see for myself that my babies are growing stronger, smarter, braver, and kinder everyday... I feel all of those things. They all feel real and important to me. Every pain, every fear, every joy, and every moment of gratitude, I feel them all. And sometimes it gets to be too much, and I know I've let you down, love. I've let you down so many times, and I'm sorry."

  Aoife felt the head on her shoulder start to shake, and heard the beginnings of a quiet sob. Not daring to look at her mother for fear of losing control herself, she reached an arm across Ma's back and held her closer.

  "I can't keep being the reason that my children don't get to have their own lives. To see the things they want to see, and to feel what's real and important to them. For far too long, Aoife, I've been the reason you had to change your whole life. I couldn't be the mother you needed me to be, and so you couldn't be the person you were meant to be. No more, love. From now on, you and Clodagh will live your own lives. If you do anything, it'll be because you want to and not because you feel like you have to.

  "And you'll support each other through it, you hear? No matter what Clodagh might think, she still needs you, and you know you need her too. Don't worry about me. I can look after myself and keep your little brothers and sister safe until they're ready to lead their own lives too. I won't let that be your responsibility any longer."

  Aoife realized that Ma wasn't just answering her question, about being upset with or worried for Clodagh. Instead, Ma was also giving Aoife her blessings. She was releasing her from the ties that Aoife had bound herself to, the vows and responsibilities—real or imagined—that had both guided and misled her since she had been a little girl.

  "So... Aoife Griffin, my brave big girl. What is it that you want to do?"

  Unshackled from her fears, worries, and second guesses, a new kind of calm descended and filled Aoife with a familiar warmth. The picture in her mind settled on a shape, now resolute and unfaltering. She saw herself looking up at the starry night sky from the deck of a ship, and Clodagh was by her side—as she always had been and always will be. The course was due west. To the mysteries of the New World. To the shadow of her grandfather. To the limits of her own abilities.

  To adventure.

  author profile.

  Ko-fi