Seth and I talked for hours. We went through everything… anything that he could possibly think to ask about my time away. We spoke in depth about where all I had been, people I had met, the Chasse family, different monsters I’d killed, and all the works. I modified some answers so that I didn’t have to lay on the whole truth. I knew I couldn’t just info dump Death or the Primeval of Annihilation. That was going to be much… much later.

  I talked about Alex and Autumn, but I didn’t go into those deeper details yet. I just told him that they were pivotal relationships alongside the rest of my monster-hunting friends. I didn’t want to get into those weeds yet. Plus, I didn’t want him to feel like he had to keep things from Vicky before I could talk about these things with her. I wasn’t sure how long all this would play out, so better not to make him lie for too long.

  Then I asked him questions. Things like: what he’d been doing the last five years, how all of his kids were, their lives, about the kids he had since I’d been missing. He only had his oldest before I disappeared. Then we talked about Mom and Dad, our sisters… about everything.

  We talked a lot about Vicky and Caydee. I wanted to know as much as I possibly could, especially about Seth’s interactions with Vicky. What their normal was when dealing with each other, I’d need that for later, when I walked up and started talking to her, I’d at least have a good idea of their general relationship, and things she might potentially talk to him about.

  I kept telling Seth we should break it off for now, and he should get some rest. Carter, Frank, and Jane had said they were willing to teach him if he was ready to learn. But he was just too amped up with everything to simply lie down and go to sleep. So we talked all the way until the morning, going over countless details about the past five years. No detail was too small for Seth. He’d consume any information I told him. He was still in a bit of shock from just the fact that his twin, the one person closer to him than anyone else, at least for the majority of his life until I went missing, was alive.

  The sun started slowly peeking over the horizon, and Seth finally admitted to himself that he should go in and lie down. He knew that if he didn’t, Shelly was bound to notice that he hadn’t been in bed at all and would start asking questions. We didn’t want to deal with that situation yet, so he reluctantly parted ways with me. But, not before he made me promise not to go anywhere. We planned to meet back up just outside his house once Shelly left with the kids for school. Seth said he usually left a little bit later than them, so once they were gone, I could come inside the house, and we could prepare for our little day of trading places.

  Just like we planned, at about 7:15, my sister-in-law stepped outside with three kids ranging from one and a half to seven years old.

  Throughout the night, I learned so much about his kids. The oldest, whom I already knew from before, was a boy, Nathan. The middle child was a little girl called Michelle, and the youngest was another little boy named Zeke, who had to be carried everywhere.

  As I watched them all scurry around, completely unaware of the danger in the trees watching from a distance, they got in, buckled up, strapped into a car seat, and slowly pulled out of the driveway.

  As soon as they were out of sight, I walked towards the front door in the early morning light. It had only been a little more than an hour since Seth had gone inside, so I expected him to be completely knocked out. However, once I stepped up to the door, Seth was already there, opening it back up, glancing over my shoulders to make sure no one was around. We couldn’t have anyone seeing the two of us, knowing that there should only be one of this set of twins left in the world.

  Seth had a look in his eyes like he was thankfully surprised that I was right there, but behind those eyes was a tiredness he couldn’t hide. I wondered if maybe he thought for a split second that it was all just a dream. Or… that I had bolted again.

  “Come on,” Seth said as he stepped over to the side and allowed me entry.

  I passed through into his front living room, smelling a scent that reminded me of many memories from before my life changed, and that one time I came back and stole his passport. It reminded me of home. Once inside the house, he shut the door, and I made a call.

  Less than half an hour of talking later, a big jacked-up black truck pulled into Seth’s driveway, and Frank, Carter, and Jane all stepped out of the large vehicle. I heard them coming, so I was already walking to the door before they even came to a stop. Seth moved with me as we greeted my old friends. We both stepped out, and for the first time, all of my friends… my new family, got to meet my old family.

  “Golly-bum, Sam. Seeing you two side-by-side…” Frank shook his head in amusement. “The resemblance is uncanny!”

  “I’d say so,” Carter shook his head, confused.

  Jane was the first to realize, leveling a stare at both of us… Then just at me. “You can change your form now?”

  I grinned as she had it all figured out. “It’s a new thing. Don’t really have it all figured out, but I can look more like Seth for now. Maybe I can do other stuff once I get used to it.”

  “Wait wait wait…” Frank did double-takes between the two of us. “Which one is…”

  I let go of the control I held over my physical form, and my body reverted almost instantly. In real-time, they all witnessed me grow and expand to my new normal size. It wasn’t a huge shift as we were pretty similar, but I just returned to the normal stature of enhanced muscle and a few more inches I gained from becoming the Harbinger of Death.

  “Damn,” Carter said. “Pretty useful for what you got planned.”

  I nodded, “It was hard at first, but after I had it, it got easier to just maintain. Almost feels like sucking in my gut… or something like it.”

  Carter and I laughed at that.

  “Sounds like something you could be good at, Frank,” Carter mocked his older brother.

  “Well, I’m sure if I had that kind of power I could…” Frank realized what his brother meant. “Hey… fuck you, buddy!”

  They laughed, Jane smirked, and Seth looked a little out of water. He knew me, but he still didn’t really know them. They had all talked yesterday, but that was it. Now that he knew that they were for sure a part of my life, I think it made it easier.

  “So this was the stranger?” Seth asked Carter as the laughter died out, motioning to me.

  Carter nodded. “We were able to help Sam at a time when he knew nothing… and ever since then, he has helped our family time and time again. We can never repay him for those things… but we can help his family… just as he has helped ours.” Carter was very serious as he was completely open with Seth. “If you are willing, we can start today. We can introduce you to some information, some laws of our world, and see what you think.”

  Seth nodded to himself. I'm sure he was realizing that none of this was a dream, and he woke right back up in the same world from last night.

  “If I can learn to protect Shelly and the kids… from what took the guys… from what took you,” Seth looked at me as he said it. “I want that. I need to protect them.”

  I could see it in his eyes… the helplessness. He knew that things existed now… things he knew nothing about and had no power to protect those he loved from.

  Carter and Frank looked at each other in unison and nodded.

  “That’s all we ever wanted for our family. Everything else that came later… just kind of comes with the territory. The more you learn, the more you’ll see. There could be things around you that you never knew before, but with the right knowledge… the right training… You can discern the secrets that hide in plain sight. Spot monsters as they walk the world, thinking they’re hidden,” Carter explained.

  Seth nodded, but didn’t say anything else.

  “Alright,” I interjected. “Time to go. I’ve got a schedule to keep, places to be, and all that.”

  Seth looked at me quickly, “Where are you going first?”

  “I want to say, Vicky,” I said confidently, just imagining ripping off a Band-Aid. “But… we’ll see. If I’m too much of a pussy maybe I’ll go catch Mom and Dad for lunch. Oh… that reminds me,” I said, reaching out to Seth. “I’m going to need your phone.”

  “Oh, shit,” he reached into his pocket and grabbed it, handing it to me without any protests.

  He knew this already, as it was part of the talk we had during the night. I had told him everything. I was going to try to reintroduce myself by slowly unveiling things to our family. I had a plan… then I had a backup plan. Most of it had to do with the order of who I’d be telling first. Who might be a better asset to get with us first to help convince the others without exploding someone’s brain from seeing things that just couldn’t exist? Or having them call the police, and creating a huge headache that would throw a massive wrench into my plans.

  I took Seth’s phone and slid it into my other pocket. I kept my own phone as he wouldn’t need it where he was going. If I needed to reach him, I could just call Carter or one of the others. Plus, if Autumn reached out… I had to answer.

  “Alright, well if there’s nothing else,” Carter said, motioning for them all to get in their jacked-up truck.

  “Good luck, Sam. Once it's done for the day… I’d like to talk some more. Learn more about you… well… the thing you have inside you.” Seth looked almost hesitant as he said it, trying not to overstep, I think.

  It was weird to see… basically, me, staring back at me with a completely human nature. It was refreshing, but also a reminder. Seth reminded me of what I would never be again. Human…

  I nodded, “Like I said last night, there’s a lot more to all this. But I don’t want to overload you. Go with them today, learn what you can. Meet Eleanor… I’m sure she’s going to love meeting you,” I said, knowing it was true.

  “What about your work?” Jane asked with a very neutral face. “Won’t they be expecting you?” She was very observant and pragmatic.

  I already knew the answer, but Seth gave it to her.

  “They’re giving me a lot of leeway after everything that happened at the excavation site. If I don’t come in… no one will really question it. Too much stress…” Seth shrugged.

  “Alright…” Seth slowly turned, but then stopped. Worry laced his voice. “If anything happens…if those things show up near anyone, Shelly or the kids… call me… immediately.”

  I nodded without hesitation. “I will.”

  Then Frank cut in, “Don’t worry, Seth. You’ve got the one thing on your side that will ensure that doesn’t happen. I don’t think these gravemarrows like your brother. We haven’t seen one yet since we got here. They probably fled the area once they sensed Sam in town.”

  I smirked, “We’ll see.”

  “By the way… I know I’m no hunter, but who's going to be doing the actual hunting? If you guys are teaching me, and Sam is pretending to be me… whose out there looking for them?” Seth asked a very valid question.

  I smiled as I looked over to Carter, who had just informed me of this news yesterday, before I came to try to meet with Seth outside of his house. Once Carter was done with Seth yesterday, they had a few new arrivals in town from St. Louis.

  “My sister just arrived yesterday with my son and his fiancée. You haven’t met them yet… but you will,” Carter said with a casual smile.

  Then, after a quick bro-hug, Seth and I parted ways. The truck pulled away from Seth’s house, and I was alone again. With a calming breath, I focused on “sucking in my gut,” and I reduced my size and altered my features. I looked like Seth again.

  Driving was always weird to me now, especially as I was sitting behind the wheel of Seth’s truck. However, I just pushed that weird feeling back as I drove through town and aimed for a place that scared the shit out of me; the hospital.

  I was going there to see a certain blonde-haired nurse who had no idea who she’d be seeing today. Well, as long as I had the nerve to go through with even standing in front of her. Part of me was scared that the moment I saw her, my control would deflate and I would revert to the real me. That would be bad.

  I cast those thoughts off and kept going. I wouldn’t let those doubts or fears control me anymore. I was doing it, no matter how many butterflies were floating around my stomach. It was a feeling that I knew Myordrakein couldn’t understand.

  As I arrived at the same hospital I had been just the day prior, I started scanning the people throughout with my enhanced senses. I didn’t want to directly run into anyone that I saw while acting like law enforcement with Eleanor. That would just be more complications. Even though I’d look slightly different, there was still a possibility that they could spot me. Seth and I were twins after all.

  Once I moseyed on past the same girl sitting at a large desk near the entrance, I walked to where I remembered Vicky working before… before that night everything changed. I wasn’t certain she’d be there, but a quick scan of my Primeval senses told me she was.

  It took everything I had to put her in the back of my mind yesterday when Eleanor and I came to investigate. I knew she was within the walls of the hospital, but I couldn’t track her, or I risked failing in my previously laid plans.

  Even in the return pulse of my senses, the image of her in my mind almost blew me away. Maybe it was because I hadn’t seen her point-blank in so long, maybe it was because it was finally happening. For the first time since my last night as a human… I was going to speak with my wife. She wouldn’t know it, but she’d be interacting with me. I’d get to hear her voice, smell her scent, and just be in her presence. It was… nerve-racking.

  As soon as I stepped another foot forward, I felt a hand slap over my shoulders from behind me. To say it startled me was an understatement. I turned quickly and looked to my left and saw a familiar, yet slightly different, face staring back at me with welcome surprise.

  “Playing hooky from work today, too, huh?” my old friend Ben asked as he patted my shoulder.

  “Ben…” he had me at a disadvantage.

  I was actually stumbling over my words because I didn’t know what to say. I totally did not expect him to be here, let alone intercept me before I saw Vicky.

  Then, part of me had to remember that I was supposed to be Seth, so I shouldn’t be acting so surprised to see him here, where Vicky worked.

  “What are you doing here?” I tried to play it off.

  “You know Vicky gets off around this time. But… what you don’t know is that sometimes I slink out of work to come eat brunch with her when she gets off.” Ben had this grin on his face, like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

  I tried to find a way forward through this annoyance that wouldn’t actually be affecting Seth. So I put on my best surprised face and said, “Oh, I won’t. I just figured I’d come by and see her. I’ve just been,” I measured my words carefully but ultimately still had to move forward with my plan. “I just wanted to talk to her about the anniversary.”

  Ben’s eyes widened only slightly at my words, but he nodded in understanding. “Yeah… that might be good. I know she’s been having a hard time lately, especially after the get-together. She handed off the little memory board thing to your dad yesterday, and I think it was hard for her to let it go.”

  The way he said, ‘little memory board thing,’ irked me for some reason. It was like he was trying to downplay its significance. I knew exactly what he was talking about because Seth had told me what Vicky had been doing as she tried to move on. I knew how important it was to her and the rest of the family, and to hear him talk about it like that… really pissed me off. But I couldn’t show that.

  I nodded in casual understanding, “Oh ok… I gotcha.”

  “You want to go to brunch with us?” Ben asked enthusiastically.

  It always irked me when I thought about Ben being with Vicky. I was appreciative of him in a lot of ways, mainly that he was there for Vicky… to support her when she felt so alone. But Ben was a certain way before everything happened. He was pretty much a womanizer, bouncing from one girlfriend to the next, always looking for something better.

  I did get a few stray hints throughout our friendship when he’d joke around and say things to Vicky that made it pretty obvious he was flirting with her. I spoke to Vicky about it in the past, but she brushed it off and couldn’t see it as I did. She thought I was being a paranoid ‘dude,’ but I knew I wasn’t.

  Ben had always been one of those friends that was very close, always came around, and would help out no matter what. But there was something in the back of his mind at all times, and I could read him like a book. Back in those days, he was always eyeing the things he couldn’t have. He was a great friend, don’t get me wrong, but he always wanted to be around Seth and me, so much so that he bordered on being another brother… but not because of what we were doing. He kind of… inserted himself. We welcomed him into our family, and we were all very good friends. However, there was always an unspoken thing between Ben and us. Seth and I spoke about it, but never really vocalized it to anyone else because we kind of felt bad about it. But ultimately, we were just allowing Seth to be around because he always just showed up, and we didn’t want to be assholes. But we didn’t really want him around as much as he was.

  Long story short, Ben seemed like he just always wanted what we had. And now with Sam… I mean me (almost started to forget I was pretending to be Seth) out of the way, it seemed like he had finally gotten everything we used to think he wanted: Me gone… him tied in with our family… and now he had Vicky. He hadn’t done anything to get these things; he was just there. Everything just seemed to work out the way he wanted it to.

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  I shook my head, trying to clear these thoughts from my mind after I started to get myself riled up. There was a brief few seconds of silence after he asked if I wanted to go to brunch, and it got awkward.

  “Or not, it’s no big deal.” Ben tried to be amiable.

  “No, I’d like that,” I assured.

  “Sweet!” Ben said as he stepped forward towards where Vicky was down the hallway.

  Everything went out the window at that point, because I was about to stand toe to toe with her… my wife. I had to remain calm and try not to take in too much at once. If I did, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to control myself. I had to remain calm.

  “Vic, Vic, Vic,” Ben said in an amused tone. “You ready for some crêpes? And a brunch buddy?” he added, motioning toward me with a thumb.

  Vicky’s entrancing blue eyes glanced up from a paper she was signing, and her eyes locked onto me. They were like two sapphires lined with dark mascara, almost glowing in intensity, though I knew that was just my imagination. There was a brief moment when we looked at each other, and I saw something in her face that almost broke my control. It was almost like recognition. Like when she looked at me, who she knew was Seth, she had a hope for a split second that it would be the actual me… Sam. Like she was still waiting for me to walk back into her life.

  The hope faded, and she saw me as I wanted, as Seth. Her gaze returned to normal, and she lifted her left hand with a deep purple painted fingernail, and brushed some of her blonde hair away from her eyes and behind her ear.

  “Seth, to what do we owe the pleasure?” Vicky asked me.

  It rattled me to my bones to hear her voice… directed at me… Even though she didn’t realize who she was actually talking to, it was more than I was prepared for. For a second, I forgot what I was there for. I forgot that we had been talking about brunch, and that I wanted to talk to her about the anniversary of my death. I just stared at her for a second, and that might have gotten a little awkward.

  Thankfully, Ben broke the strange silence and said, “Seth just wants to get together, come have brunch, maybe talk about the anniversary a little…” he looked at me with a measured glance, like he was wanting my approval on what he had said, not wanting to overstep.

  So, maybe I was just the asshole in this situation… because he could be very nice in ways like this.

  I nodded, “Yeah… I just couldn't go to work after everything that happened with the guys… and the anniversary coming up. I just wanted to come see you and see how you’re doing.”

  That was probably the hardest few sentences I had ever said in my entire life. Just seeing her form, her toned and fit body, and the way her navy-blue scrubs hung over every single bit that I loved about her. Her voice, her eyes, her blonde hair. It was so much… she was so beautiful, that in that moment, knowing everything that I had ever done, I knew that I did not deserve her. I was a killer now… no matter how much I justified it. She didn’t deserve to be pulled down into that filth. But I knew she needed to be protected from it, so I continued.

  “I also heard you gave the memory board to Dad?” I tried to get the conversation flowing, if only to just hear her voice again.

  Vicky nodded with a weak smile that didn't show any of her teeth, “He’s going to start working on an enclosure to make it more permanent for the backyard. He said maybe a week or so, and he’ll have it fully finished up. Your sisters said they wanted to get the board next because they have some pictures from when y'all were kids that they wanted to put in there.”

  I nodded, fighting back an emotional knot that had me in a chokehold. Even with this Primeval flesh, the human emotions were still so strong that they could affect this supernatural body in ways that Myordrakein couldn’t resist.

  Ben stepped over closer to Vicky, laying a hand down over her shoulder, and quickly kissed her on her lips. “I gotta run down the hall and see a buddy real quick, but I can meet you at the crêperie in a few minutes,” Ben said as he was already separating himself from Vicky.

  They had a conversation between themselves about what exactly he was talking about, but I didn’t hear any of it. The moment he put his lips on my wife, I saw red. My throat locked up, my teeth clamped together, and I squeezed with so much pressure that I thought my teeth shattered. My fists curled into balls, and I could feel the talons trying to burn their way through flesh. It was all that I had to keep my face and eyes from shifting in that moment. The burning in my face was there, but I refused to let my more monstrous side show. But I couldn’t stop the thoughts… the urge!

  KILL… KILL… KILL!

  The Primeval within me spoke, and I wanted to do it. I wanted it so bad that I didn’t even question the fact that Myordrakein was pushing me to do it.

  I snapped out of it for just a second, realizing how much it felt like that first night when I came back. I was staring right at Ben, and I wanted to rip his head off his body and show him what happens to people who take what’s mine.

  However, I knew that even though the anger and rage were there, Ben was not someone worthy of the monster's attention. I think the fire of my anger and resentment towards Ben, for something that wasn’t even his fault, was fueled by the Primeval of Annihilation… making it even more intense. If I raised my transformed hand against him, I don’t think Death or the Primeval would truly allow me to kill him… right? It would upset the balance…

  As Ben scurried down the hall to do whatever he had been talking about, Vicky walked back from around the corner. It was weird because I didn’t even realize she had left. I must have been standing there looking like an idiot.

  “You okay, Seth?” Vicky’s musical voice spoke to me from a short distance away as she picked up a beige purse and threw it over her shoulder.

  I ripped those rageful emotions and thoughts back down and resumed my fa?ade. “Yeah… you know, just a lot going on.” I tried to seem normal and just distracted, but even I didn’t think it was working.

  “Well, I don’t know if you’ve ever been to the crêperie before, but we could ride together if you want, or I can give you the directions, and we can just meet there. Ben will be there shortly, after he sees his friend.”

  As much as I wanted to sit in proximity to her inside her car, I knew I needed to take this time to refocus myself.

  I answered quickly, “You can just shoot me the address. I don’t want you to have to bring me back or anything. Plus, I might have to run out to Mom and Dad’s right afterwards.”

  Vicky pulled up her phone and started typing something in immediately, “No problem… No… problem…,” she said again, mindlessly as she tapped a few buttons.

  With one final enthusiastic punch, she sent something to Seth’s phone, which chimed conveniently in my pocket.

  I slowly pulled the phone out and fluidly moved it to my face, and saw a link that opened up to the location that would lead me to this crêperie.

  “I’m going to go punch out. You want to meet there in fifteen? Ben should be there by then,” Vicky asked as she gathered the last few remnants she had at her nurses' station.

  I agreed, gathered myself, and then tried to act as Seth would. So I said a quick goodbye and then made my way back to Seth’s parked truck. Once inside the cabin of the truck, doors closed and locked, windows rolled up tight… I broke down in a quick burst of grief, sadness, and regret.

  I stared across the table at Vicky, who eyed the menu meticulously as she examined her options.

  I had already glanced through what this place sold, as I had actually gotten here before her. Once she walked in, my eyes were not on the menu, but on her. I couldn’t focus on anything else when she was around. I studied every little detail about her.

  After her cheery greeting, she had taken her seat and began studying her menu. She was just doing what she always did. She had the same look in her eyes that she did the countless times we had gone somewhere to eat, when I was still a human. She knew what she wanted, but she always looked over the menu, even at places we had been to numerous times before. She just wanted to at least act like she would try something new, but most of the time, she never did. She liked what she liked.

  Eventually, she smiled to herself so subtly that a human being wouldn’t notice, but I could. She had decided to just get what she always got. It made me smile to myself as I hid behind my menu, silently observing her.

  “I get the sausage and egg in a crêpe. It’s pretty good. It’s kind of like a burrito but way better.” Then she glanced over to the windows that looked out at the parking lot, looking for something, then she turned back, “Ben may take a little longer than expected, so we can order without him.”

  I tried not to smile too much at her words, as this was very pleasing to me. If you’d have asked me a month ago, never in a million years would I have thought I’d be sitting with Vicky, having breakfast, talking like two normal people. It helped that she didn’t know I wasn’t a normal person, or me at all. But we’d cross that bridge in time.

  We ordered as soon as the waiter walked up, made his suggestions, pushed some specials, and then, before I knew it, it was just us again.

  I was just about to start with something before she beat me to it.

  “What's got you all twisted up?” Vicky asked as she stared into my eyes with real empathy. I could see it on her face; she truly cared about Seth and wanted to help him in any way she could.

  I thought quickly on my feet, “It's just everything… the anniversary, thinking back on all the details, all the things we never found out. Then all this happens with the guys on the excavation crew…” I watched her eyes carefully for any sort of micro reaction that she would try to squash before it turned into anything.

  The corner of Vicky’s mouth tugged to one side as I could see her trying to stifle the clenching of her teeth. She barely shifted in her seat to get more comfortable, as my words had stirred something in her. I wondered what it was, maybe things that Ben had told her about that night at the excavation site. Maybe it was just all the old details of when I disappeared and all the fallout from it. Whatever it was, she gathered herself quickly, and it was barely noticeable.

  Vicky nodded, “It's understandable… especially with how bad it was… well, at least how bad Ben said it was. I’m sure it doesn’t help that the police keep questioning you guys.”

  “Yeah… he told you about the federal agent?” I asked.

  She nodded, trailing her hand through her hair as it fell over her left shoulder.

  “Yeah, the federal guy was a little strange… asked weird questions; things that didn’t make any sense to us,” I said, laying the groundwork for the rest of the story to unfold with time.

  “Yeah, Ben told me about the things he asked. Definitely weird. Doesn’t really seem like something federal agents would be asking about. Not unless they’ve seen things like this before, and those are weird details that would mean something to them. But it kind of freaks me out… if I’m being honest,” Vicky said almost hesitantly, like she was afraid of how I would take it.

  “What do you mean?” I asked as I tried to pull something out of her.

  I thought that it might lead me closer to where I wanted this to go. Who knew… she might be closer to an understanding of things more supernatural than I was prepared for, or was more open to the idea. Either way, I would graciously accept anything that helped me get her there. Especially if it helped me reveal myself to her quicker.

  “It just seems weird, you know? Like something beyond what we know… all of those guys… just disappearing so fast. Nothing was left of them but trails of blood and clothing.” Her voice shook with her words. “I haven’t got to hear anything official from the local police or anything, just what Ben told me… about what he saw. But even he was pretty shaken about it once he got home. It just makes me think…” Vicky trailed off for a second as she looked down at the table. She was balling up her fists into one mound of knuckles as she clenched them together in tense anxiety.

  I could tell that something was really tearing her up inside, but she was doing everything she could to seem alright in this public setting. I couldn’t help myself, but I reached out and placed my hand on top of her mound of flexed knuckles. The moment my hand touched hers, it was like the last five years disappeared, and I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

  “It’s okay, Vic… it’s me… If anyone can understand… It’s me.”

  Vicky looked up to me, her blue eyes red around the edges as a wave of emotion and tears tried to break through.

  “Thanks, Seth.” She looked a little lighter after a second and smiled as she gathered herself. “Sometimes it’s just hard to think about what’s happening right now, and what happened to Sam. I’m scared to even think that whatever got the guys at the excavation site is the same thing that got him. I don’t want to think that he was torn apart like that… suffered like that… But I remember how much blood there was. It’s hard not to think that his last moments were some of the scariest, most horrific moments of his life.”

  Vicky began to tear up again, but seemed more controlled, only letting two or three tears spill over her eyes silently. “I used to always question… what kind of animal can do something like that?” She shook her blonde head in silence for a moment. “After a while… I guess I made my peace with it a long time ago and haven’t thought as deeply on it in the last year or so. I try not to, at least. But after this… it just brings everything back.”

  I nodded, listening to every syllable that spilled out of her mouth. Even though she was in obvious mental and emotional turmoil… just hearing her words, knowing they were about me, it made me feel close to her, and her to me. Closer than I thought she’d still be after so much time.

  “It’s so nice to have you, Seth. Sometimes I forget that you’re not him…” Vicky said as she closed her eyes and shook her head at herself. “I have to remind myself sometimes that you’re not him, and that you're Shelly’s. It’s just that… you look so similar… and sometimes you even talk like him.” Then Vicky reiterated, “Not that y’all didn’t sound alike, you guys sounded exactly the same. But you and Sam had differences in the way you spoke. There were things I remember him saying, inflections of words and stuff. There was always a difference that I could tell, just the way you both acted and talked. But today… I don’t know, maybe it’s all this shit going on. You’ve just been reminding me of him.”

  It spoke volumes to me about what she had said, and it also scared the hell out of me. I became hyper-aware of anything that would come out of my mouth now. I hadn’t even realized that I had been slipping into my own personality and away from what I had prepared myself to be like as I marched around town like my brother.

  But just to know that she could see that, feel that, in the brief interactions we had had that morning… it blew me away. Even after all this time… five fucking years… she knew it was me… even though she didn’t know it was me.

  After another minute, a waitress came over and delivered the food, and we slowly began eating. We stopped talking about the heavy topics, and she just started asking me questions about Shelly and the kids. It was weird, even though I knew this was probably going to happen. Seth and I had planned for something like this. Even though I had a script I could stick to, it felt weird answering questions about my brother's wife and kids. Plus, I was answering these questions to my wife, and I had to act like it was so natural, and these answers were supposed to just fly right off the cuff.

  At one point, Vicky asked about Zeke and if I thought he’d be ready for Aunt Vicky to babysit him if Seth and Shelly wanted to have a date night. I guess she had watched all three of them for my brother and Shelly recently, and Zeke was not having it. Seth and Shelly didn’t stay out for more than forty-five minutes before they came back to get him. They ended up just taking him along on their date night, and Vicky felt bad that she couldn’t handle him. But apparently, he was a little shit at times right now. I knew how Vicky was, and as she gracefully talked about it to “Seth,” I could read her like a book. Her little one and a half year old nephew was a handful.

  “I pride myself on being Cool-Aunt-Vicky, and I can handle any of the kids. But Zeke… that little boy has a set of lungs on him.” Vicky laughed. “But don’t worry, it’s just a matter of time before I have him eating out of the palm of my hand, loaded up on sugar, and ready to give back to you guys just like any good Aunt would!” she joked with me… Seth… whatever.

  I laughed hard at her explanations and stories. She was just as funny as I remembered. She always had that about her, just being so open, honest, and genuinely funny about things, never changing who she was to fit into a situation better. She was relaxed and could joke about anything. It was one of the first things that got my attention back in high school.

  After a bit more time had passed, it really seemed like Ben was not going to show up, but I wasn’t complaining. Honestly, I didn’t want him to ever come back. As good as he was to Vicky, it seemed, anyway, I would love nothing more than for him to disappear. Then he would be one less complication standing between my wife and me. But in any case, I still had to ask.

  “What’s going on with Ben?” I asked. “Shouldn’t he be here by now?”

  “He’s probably still at the hospital talking with his friend, Mark,” Vicky said. “The guy’s kind of weird. Super dry humor. He can trap you in one of those long, spiraling rants about some random fact of the universe.”

  She waved her hands in an animated little impression of him, and I got the feeling she’d been stuck in one of those conversations herself more than once.

  Still… it felt strange. Ben had shown up out of nowhere and acted like today was set in stone. Now he wasn’t even here for the brunch he’d invited me to. Maybe he was just being considerate. Maybe he could tell I wanted time alone with Vicky and used the hospital visit as an excuse to give us space.

  The thought made guilt settle in my chest. I’d wanted him gone… just like that. But he seemed better than I remembered; kinder, more thoughtful. Maybe he’d changed. Maybe my old picture of him didn’t fit anymore.

  We kept talking, drifting into memories about me. For a moment, things turned emotional, but Vicky held herself together this time, careful and composed.

  I did the opposite. I shut everything down. I had to stay in character. I couldn’t slip anymore. I couldn’t be me instead of Seth.

  About half an hour after we finished eating, Vicky finally glanced at the time and gently wrapped things up.

  “I should probably head home,” Vicky said. “I need a shower and a little siesta before I pick up Caydee from daycare. Ben dropped her off this morning since I was already at work. I hate leaving her there, but if I brought her home, I’d just be asleep. And she’s got friends there she loves playing with. I don’t want to shortchange her.”

  Warmth bloomed in my chest and crept up my throat, soft, steady, and unfamiliar. I didn’t have a name for it, but picturing their life, Vicky’s routines, Caydee's little voice laughing with friends, the ordinary rhythm of their days… it filled me with a quiet, fragile peace.

  I swallowed hard, because tangled in that calm was something sharper. The fear that I would never belong to that life again. The fear that I didn’t deserve to know what it felt like to be a part of something like that.

  I stood when she did and walked her to the door. Outside, she stepped off the curb toward the parking lot, then paused. Vicky turned back with a gentle smile. A light breeze lifted her long blonde hair and carried her scent toward me. She was… breathtaking.

  “Thanks for this, Seth,” she said softly. “I didn’t realize how much I needed it. Ben’s a good shoulder to cry on, but it’s not the same as talking to you. You understand losing Seth in a way I can actually relate to.” She gave a small, fragile laugh. “It’s good to talk. We should do it again soon.”

  Then she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around my neck as a loving family member would. The hug lasted three seconds.

  She murmured another thank-you, quieter, threaded with emotion, and apologized for getting overwhelmed. She never had to apologize. Not to Seth. Not to anyone.

  But those three seconds stretched and collapsed at the same time… too fast and impossibly long. I felt everything: the warmth of her against me, the weight of her arms across my shoulders, the steady rhythm of her heart, the subtle pulse beneath her skin as blood moved through her hands and fingertips. Her hair brushed my face in the breeze, blonde wisps caressing my face in a torturous way. Her scent filled my lungs.

  I held her the way my brother would have… one hand at her back, the other patting gently between her shoulder blades. Familial and safe. In that moment, to her, I was nothing more than family. And yet… for me… it was everything.

  For a moment, I felt close to her again. Closer than I’d been in five years. I felt all the moments I’d missed crash into me at once. But somehow, the closeness only sharpened the distance, because I could feel it all… and still have none of it. I was still dead to her, and she belonged to someone else now.

  Happiness and grief tore through me at the same time, twisting together like an emotional tornado until I couldn’t tell what it was anymore.

  We pulled apart, and the moment snapped. The sudden emptiness left me reeling, like emotional whiplash. But I put the mask back on and promised we’d talk again soon.

  Vicky adjusted her purse and stepped into the lot, heading toward her car. Just another morning to her… another breakfast, another ordinary day in the life she’d built over the last five years.

  For me, nothing would ever be ordinary again.

  When she disappeared behind a row of cars, I finally turned toward Seth’s truck, keys ready in my hand. But I never stopped tracking her.

  I followed her heartbeat across the parking lot with my enhanced hearing. I watched her scent trail drift between vehicles before sealing inside her SUV. I sent out short, sonar-like pulses, quiet, controlled, mapping her movement as she pulled out of the lot, turned right, and sped down the road.

  I stayed behind the wheel, eyes closed as I followed her movements across town. I felt her arrive at home. Felt the car settle into the driveway… our driveway, in the same spot she always used.

  In my mind, I watched her step out, cross the neat squares of sidewalk, and climb the small rise to the front door. She lifted her keys, jingled them in the lock, and stepped in, closing herself off to the world.

  When the door shut, I let my Primeval senses fall silent. I leaned back in Seth’s seat and drew a long, unsteady breath.

  I felt so much tension inside of me. So much conflict about what was going on, but not in the way you’d expect. Now that I was here, witnessing this life and everything happening after my death. I just couldn’t deny it anymore. They were going to know that I was alive. I know that was probably selfish of me, probably a bunch of other things too, but I simply did not care. I wanted Vicky back.

  I don’t know what that would mean for Ben, but I honestly did not care. I don’t know what it would mean for me, Vicky, or Caydee, but I was willing to try. I was not conflicted about doubting if I should or if it was right, or being scared to, I was conflicted that I didn’t care anymore what was right. It scared me a little that I didn’t have the same restraint I normally did. I felt… sure, more than anything. I was doing this.

  For the first time in a very long time, I think I was feeling conviction, not to withhold myself from doing something, but to do it most unapologetically. I didn’t care what they would think. After spending this brief time with Vicky… All I wanted was to do that every day for the rest of her life.

  I still knew that I was going to be around this world for much longer than her or anyone else in my family. I was here to get them back and to have them for as long as I could.

  I needed to talk to Seth about it, though. I wanted to see what he thought would happen. To take his advice, because I think he was my best source about what could potentially happen, or how things would play out once I reappeared to them all.

  But that would be later; the next place I was going to go was to see my dad. He was home… I knew this already because I had tracked him just after I stopped tracking Vicky. I knew what he was doing, too. He was working on the wooden enclosure for Vicky’s memory board. He was in the side yard with a table saw, chop saw, and all sorts of woodworking tools. He really seemed like he was going to town on this project.

  With that, I started the engine of Seth’s truck, put it in gear, and headed towards my parents' house. The house that I grew up in.