“YO, D, WHEN’S YOUR ‘RENTS ‘SPOSED TO BE BACK AGAIN???” JIM ASKED after he, Eric, Derek, and Kyle had walked outside of the Bentley Residence to gather over at the latter’s Porsche 911 in the paved driveway.
“Tuh-Tomorrow morning,” Derek stammered out.
“So, you have the house to yourself for a second night in a row then,” Jim pressed.
Derek nodded, causing Jim’s eyes to light up.
“LET’S THROW A FUCKIN’ RAGER!!!” Jim abruptly blared out of nowhere, causing everyone to scrunch their brows at him.
“Nuh-No wuh-wuh-way,” Derek immediately declined.
“Uh… YES WAY, DER-BEAR!” Jim fired right back fiercely. “We’re doin’ it… TONIGHT! TONIGHT, I SAY, MI BROMIGOS!!!”
“Ugh… Jim, just lay off him, will you,” Kyle asked the Dingus after sighing. “He said ‘no’ so just let him be.”
“Uh… Is your name ‘Derek Clark Bentley’, Ky-Ky?” Jim crudely asked Kyle, who ignored him blatantly. “IS IT???”
“No…”
“THEN FUCK OFF!”
“Want me to toss him on his shit-filled head again, Gordon?” Eric asked Kyle.
“Try it, bitch!” Jim ripped at Eric before directing his attention back over to Derek. “LOOK, D, you have this BIG FUCKING HOUSE all to yourself for the WHOLE FUCKIN’ WEEKEND and the fact that you haven’t thrown a party in it yet is a downright crime, travesty… AND UN-FUCKIN’- AMERICAN!!!”
Directing his attention to the rest of his ‘peers’ now, Jim continued, “LISTEN UP, FUCK-DICKS! This is our chance… OUR ONE FUCKIN’ CHANCE to shed away from our ‘loser, social outcast’ brandings and become kings… Gods… MUTHAFUCKIN’ LEGENDS, YA DIG?!?!”
“Social outcasts? LOSERS???” Eric repeated in an insulted tone. “Speak for yourself, Dingus. I, along with Gordon, and Bentley are all perfectly fine with our reputations. I think it’s YOU who has some ‘rebuilding and rebranding’ to do after BOTH last night’s and this morning’s ‘incidents’.”
Glaring at Eric, Jim stated, “Hence WHY we must to throw a party at Derek’s tonight, you fucking bitch… TO REBUILD MY TAINTED REP AND REDEEM MY LOWER SOCIAL CLASS SELF!!!”
“God, Jim. Would you just shut the fuck up already?” Kyle asked out of pure irritation. “Derek said ‘no’... AND THAT’S FINAL.”
“WHAT THE FUCK, KY-KY?!” Jim erupted angrily as he now solely faced Kyle. “Why would you NOT wanna throw a ‘major dank-ass House Party Rager Extravaganza’ when we have the PARENTLESS locale to do so???”
“BECAUSE DEREK SAID ‘NO’, JIM! That’s it, man. That’s FUCKING it. Derek said ‘no’ so it’s not gonna happen. Plain and simply\e, Dude.”
“URGH-GAH! FUCK!!!” Jim cried out as he proceeded to slam his fists on the roof of Kyle’s Porsche 911.
“Oh shuh-shuh-shit,” Derek stuttered out as he stared at Jim’s fists with his eyes widened.
“Oh, you’re in for it now, Dingus,” Eric chuckled as Jim looked back over at Kyle… Who was now staring at him most heinously.
“Jim… DID YOU JUST HIT MY CAR?” Kyle asked in a shaky tone as rage and anger started to quickly build within himself.
“FUCK YES, I DID, SON!” Jim blared at Kyle before turning his attention to the rest of his ‘friends’. “LISTEN HERE, YOU FUCKING SELF-MADE REJECTS! Every fuckin’ time when our group is offered a chance to boost our ‘bottom of the SHITTER’ reputations we turn it down! EVERY! FUCKING! TIME!!! It’s like we’ve been PURPOSELY kicking God in his balls after he has ENDLESSLY tried to make our lives so much better than what they are now! It’s bullshit, you guys! FUCKING BULLSHIT… AND I’M FUCKING TIRED OF IT!!!”
“Ugh… God, Jim. You’re such a fuckin’ drama queen,” Eric sighed whilst rolling his eyes.
“FUCK YOU, BITCH!” Jim ripped at Eric, causing his eyes to widen.
Clenching his jaw and balling up his fists, Eric fumed, “That’s it. YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD!!!”
“HEY, GOOBERS!!!” cried out sixteen-year-old fellow Fillmore’s Grove High School Eleventh Grade Student Samantha (Sam) CarolLynn Moore, as she rode on a skateboard from her house, which was right across the street from Derek’s.
Jim, Kyle, and Derek all then looked across the street at the tough, but also very naturally gorgeous tomboy as she came to a skidding halt to the left of Kyle’s Car in the pavement driveway.
Stomping on the tail end of her board so she could grab its right side and hold it under her left armpit, Sam greeted the hapless quartet with a cheshire grin whilst saying, “Whassup, Goober-Gang?”
“NOT NOW, SAM,” Eric barked through gritted teeth as he still kept his eyes locked on Jim.
Wearing dark gray zip-up hoodie over a black tank-top, faded skinny jeans, and some old black and white basketball sneakers, Sam looked over at Eric directly as she said whilst flinging back her long, dark blonde hair behind her shoulders, “NOW, ERICKSON RHETT LANG, I believe that is no way to greet your sister.”
“STEP SISTER… And Sampson’s not married to my Mom so we’re not even that,” Eric sourly corrected as he now looked over at the smirking tomboy.
“Yet… YET, ERICKSON. Heh, heh,” Sam giggled, making Eric even more angry that he already was.
“Heh, heh… She called you ‘Erickson’,” Jim snickered from off to the side.
“SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH BEFORE I THROW YOU ON YOUR HEAD AGAIN, DINGLE-FUCK!” Eric blared in Jim’s face after walking up to stand ‘chest to chest’ with him.
“Ugh… Dude! Breath mints, bruh… USE’EM!” Jim gagged after taking in a whiff of Eric’s awful smelling breath.
“So… What are you ‘fine young chaps’ planning to do on this rather gorgeous Fall Saturday morning?” Sam asked the four in an ‘mock-esteemed’ way. “Circle Jerk in Derek’s House, perhaps? HA-HA-HA!!!”
Eric narrowed his eyes at Sam once more as Kyle stepped in to greet, “Hey, Sam!”
With everyone looking at Kyle strangely, Sam, at first, scrunched her brow before a smirk grew on her make-up free face.
“Hi ya, Kyle,” Sam replied, causing Kyle to slightly grin.
As Kyle literally went almost a minute without speaking, Sam asked, “Uh… Were you gonna, like, say something else or???”
“Oh, uh, yeah! YEAH! Right! My bad. Heh, heh,” Kyle awkwardly recovered as now glared at him as Jim chuckled with Derek even cracking a smile from back at his car. “Jim has to go to work at his job at the Mall today so I’m gonna give him a ride. E and Derek are gonna come with us.”
“OH MY STARS! THE MALL, DOTH SPEAK’TH?!” Sam erupted dramatically. “Hmm... Well, that’s coincidental because I too wish to go to the Mall today.”
“WHAT?” Eric uttered aloud as he now stared at his soon to be step sister.
If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.
“Now, Erickson, what have I told you about cleaning out your ears after waking up in the morning?” Sam asked Eric, causing him to look at her like she was crazy.
Directing her different colored eyes (which were affected by Heterochromia) to Kyle, Jim, and Derek, Sam informed, “Did you goobers know that your fellow ‘goober-kinsman’ has EXCESSIVE EAR WAX??? FOR REALZIES, YO! It’s like he has a whole POTATO FARM growing in BOTH of his ear canals! Ha-Ha!”
“I fucking hate you,” Eric stated in cold, gritting tone to Sam, who just waved it off entirely. “What do you want, Sam? Why are you bothering us?”
“Because I literally have NOTHING to do today and I am just THIRSTING for an adventure!” Sam stated ecstatically, to which Kyle smiled widely at.
Realizing that she had Kyle in ‘hook, line, and sinker’, Sam glanced over at him whilst asking sweetly, “Mind if I hitch a ride with you guys to the Mall?”
“NOPE, CAR’S FULL,” Eric quickly dismissed, causing Sam to give him a quick glare.
“Is that true, Kyler?” Sam asked Kyle, who was like putty in her hands. “Is your totally BITCHING motorized, ‘noble steed’ full?”
“Uh, no. We have room,” Kyle replied like some kind of mentally manipulated zombie, MUCH to Eric’s dismay. “And we were going to the Mall already so it would only make sense that…”
“SERIOUSLY, GORDON?!” Eric bursted, cutting Kyle off before he could finish his sentence. “WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH ROOM!!! There’s only like FOUR seats in your car! NOT FIVE!”
Before Kyle could reply, Derek fumbled out, “Thu-There’s the muh-muh-middle seat. In the buh-buh-buh-back.”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, DEREK!” Eric shouted at his friend, causing Kyle to now glare at him furiously.
“ERICKSON RHETT LANG!!!” suddenly cried out a shocked Evelyn ‘Evie’ Lang (Eric’s Mother) from across the street in front of Sam’s House after hearing her ‘second’ born son’s foul mouth.
Looking back across the street, Eric’s eyes widened as if he had just seen a ghost.
“Muh-Mom?” he fumbled out as bad Derek would.
Emerging from within the Moore Residence was Eric’s beautiful, chestnut-haired mother Evelyn. She was being accompanied by her fiancé/Sam’s Realtor father, Sampson Moore.
“WHAT DID I JUST HEAR YOU SAY, YOUNG MAN?!” Evelyn angrily demanded as Eric’s face instantly became drained of all its color.
“Oh man, he’s in deep shit,” Jim whispered to Kyle, Sam, and Derek.
“NUH-NOTHING, MOM! I SWEAR! I was just… just,” Eric continued to fumble and lie as the others all quietly snickered.
“JUST NOTHING!!!” Evelyn snapped. “I didn’t raise you to talk like some DIRTY ROTTEN HEATHEN!!! You should be ASHAMED of yourself, ERICKSON RHETT!”
Eric then lowered his head in embarrassment as Kyle, Sam, Jim, and Derek’s laughs grew slightly louder.
“Hey, hey. Settle down, Hon. He’s with his friends,” Sampson coaxed to his flustered fiancée.
With Evelyn beginning to calm down, Jim waved at her like a dope whilst calling out, “HI-YA, EVIE!!!”
Setting her eyes upon her son’s ‘friend’, Evelyn replied, “HI, JAMESON!!! How are your parents doing?!”
“FINE! JUST FINE!!!” Jim replied. “Thanks for asking, Mrs. L!”
Checking out Eric’s Mother more closely now, Jim remarked, “DANG SKIPPY, EVIE! I see that you’re still looking as beautiful as a mid-summer’s day!”
“Heh, heh… OH MY! Well, thank you, Jameson!” Evelyn replied with blushed cheeks, to which Sampson thought to be slightly odd. “That’s a very nice thing for you to say!”
Eric now glared at Jim intensely.
Looking at her son again, Evelyn commanded, “You should take after your friends more, Eric!”
“Eat that, motherfucker,” Jim jabbed at Eric through a gritted teeth smile.
Eric angrily shook his head as Sampson started to rub down his mother’s shoulders in a successful attempt at calming her down.
“MMM! OH! That’s more like it, Sammy!” Evelyn said excitedly as Sampson continued to rub her shoulders. “I absolutely LOVE it when you do this!”
Disgusted, Eric snared, “Oh my fuckin’ god.”
“Sammy?” Sam repeated with a confused expression on her face as Jim started to snicker.
“Erickson, your Mom SO GOT RAILED by Sam’s Dad last night,” Jim teased in a whisper, which made Eric want to deck him right then and there, but with Evelyn around he knew that this would be futile.
“Alright. I’ve had enough,” Kyle said after Evelyn and Sampson bid goodbye to him and the rest of the group before getting in the latter’s car. “Let’s roll out, Autobots, before Jim’s loses ANOTHER job.”
“So, Kyler… May I humbly accompany you ‘fair lot’ on your ‘most righteous quest’ to the Mall?” Sam asked in an ‘old timey’ tone.
“Of course you can… Uh, I mean, ‘may’, Sam,” Kyle quickly responded, causing Eric to lower his head in defeat and grunt. “You’re one of the group… Or, uh, ‘lot’, after all. Heh, heh…”
“This is FUCKING ridiculous,” Eric complained as Jim continued to laugh at him and Derek kept silent.
“One of the lot, you sayeth, Ser Goob?” Sam playfully asked Kyle, who awkwardly laughed at her whilst his cheeks reddened in nervousness. “Why, thank you, Kind Sir, but I’ve never really considered myself an ‘esteemed’ member of the ‘Goober Gang’. I’m more ‘goober-adjacent’. Kind of like how totally bad-ass actresses Mary Stuart Masterson and Jami Gertz were ‘Brat Pack Adjacent’ to the MAIN Brat Pack ‘starting roster’ in the eighties.”
Smirking now, Sam giggled, “Heh, heh, heh… Oh, I so like that comparison. Yeah, I am SO Mary Stuart Masterson from ‘Some Kind of Wonderful’ with a dash of Jami Gertz’s ‘Star’ character from ‘The Lost Boys’.”
Pointing over at Derek, Sam stated, “And you’re SUCH an Anthony Michael Hall from ‘The Breakfast Club’ mixed with a John Cusack from ‘Better Off Dead’, Derry-Berry. Heh, heh…”
Pointing over at Kyle now, Sam continued, “And you, Capitano Gooberino, radiate HEAVY Emilo Estevez energy. Not from any particular movie though. Just the fact that you’re the leader of the Goober Gang just as the good old ‘Minnesota Miracle Man’ was the ‘unofficial, official’ leader of the Brat Pack.”
Kyle smirked at this comparison whilst Derek stammered, “I’m… I’m like Juh-Juh-John Cus-s-sack?”
Nodding, Sam said, “Hell yes you are, Derek,” before directing her attention over to both Eric and Jim now.
“And lastly… You two GOOBER KINGS are… Well… You’re not really any of the main or adjacent members of the Brat Pack.”
“Yeah… That’s because these comparisons are fucking STUPID, Sam,” Eric said in a sour tone.
As Sam narrowed her eyes at Eric, Jim erupted, “WHOA! HOLD UP A SEC, CHICK! I SO am like Tom Cruise… Or RDJ… OR JUDD FUCKIN’ NELSON! Bro was SO fuckin’ harsh in Breakfast Club. He was the MAN, yo! Ha-Ha!”
Narrowing her eyes at Jim now, Sam remarked, “Uh… That’ll be a ‘no’ to ALL of that, Jimothy. If you’re anyone, you’d DEFINITELY be Charlie Sheen.”
“SHIT YEAH!” Jim proudly stated. “CHARLIE SHEEN ROCKS!”
“No, Jim. No, he does not ‘rock’,” Sam said in a bitter tone whilst Kyle chuckled at this.
Nodding again, Sam said, “Welp. With that all being said and done… SHOTGUN!!!”
“AH, HELLZ TO DA NO, FAM!” Jim blurted, causing Sam to dart her eyes back over to him.
Turning to Kyle now, Jim stated strongly, “KY-KY, I refuse to ride the back of your whip for the SECOND CONSECUTIVE DAY in a row! NO, I SAY!!!”
“Sorry, Jim, but you heard Sam,” Kyle stated, causing the tomboy to smirk at him again. “She called ‘shotgun’ first.”
Sam now smirked at Kyle.
“NO! BULLSHIT! NOT FUCKING HAPPENING!” Jim angrily rebelled. “NOT ON MY WATCH!”
“Tough breaks, Volbeck,” Sam gritted towards Jim, in reference to Charlie Sheen’s ‘burn out’ character in ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’.
“URGH… FINE!” Jim cried out at the top of his lungs. “If this is how we’re gonna play it, you fucking Succubus, then fine! LET’S FUCKIN’ PLAY!”
“Juh-Jim,” Derek fumbled out. “Could you p-please stuh-stuh-stop yuh-yelling.”
Ignoring Derek’s request, Jim held up his right index finger whilst yelling, “To stop this madness once and for all I, JAMESON ORGOGLIO HUNTER, institute ‘the Challenge’ option!!!”
