"Send mind-aspected Aero to the brain. Direct it towards stability and resilience."

  The whole medical ward is in a tizzy over the situation, so I'm just taking it upon myself to be the calm one. I know Nyss better than anyone in here by a few orders of magnitude so there's really nobody better to be reaching into her guts to handle this. Just need to calm her thoughts first so I can actually see if there's damage there — then the rest can happen.

  With the help of one of the junior ward carers we manage to settle her into one of the operating rooms onto a plush, beige bed. Immediately, the enchantments on the bed kick in, emitting a small hiss and pop as a very weak field of Stator, or stasis essence, comes into being over the occupant. It's nothing that would stop lethal wounds, but it will at least slow further degradation across the entire body.

  The shimmering white-gold field ripples each time I pass my arms through it — allowing my access with very little resistance while Nyssa's breathing slows down from my essence working its way into her system. Aero is far from my best affinity, so I sustain the effect using her own considerable stores — repurposing the rampaging storm of the stuff in her mind and soul.

  It is taking too long. As I hold my hands along the sides of her head, curling my thumbs around her horns to be as steady as possible, I feel something resisting my efforts. It doesn't feel like any essence I'm familiar with and she's utterly inundated with it.

  I wrack my brain, trying to figure out a solution to the apparent solid wall I'm running into. The description feels literal the more I try to push through and into it, so I settle on trying to gather some more information. Closing my eyes, I mutter my way through mnemonic reminders of essence types in my head. Little word tricks to make calling upon the things I have lesser or no affinity with easier.

  Before too long, I feel the heat of Ignia, the chill of Hydrus, the sturdiness of Terra, the freedom of Aero, and the stability and chaos of Ordo and Perditio. The six basal essences that form all things. I push each into her veins in small quantities to see how her body and spirit respond alongside bits of my own essence to spread my perception deeper than visual surface-level sight.

  Each are rebuffed, striking that metaphysical wall, but my life essence slips through unimpeded. In fact, it seems to be drawn in and I feel the touch of something I've only ever felt in passing a couple times.

  Nyssa's Sanctus essence. It sits in my minds eye, wreathed around that most central mote of Nyssa’s soul like a barrier. Casting my perception wider, I find that the stuff is everywhere. All throughout her veins and organs, both in the material plane and it's immaterial cousin.

  As I look closer, I find incredible damage. Physical and magical bonds between spirit and body, blood and essence, that are only barely held together by her unique essence. And the stuff is trembling.

  This is far, far, far worse than a broken arm and a panic attack. The damage is all through her body from her brain on down to her feet. But, most importantly, it doesn't seen to be stopping me from helping. Maybe her will recognizes me as trying to help, maybe Sanctus is more capable of identifying threats. Whatever the answer, it's not guarding her from me.

  I look up and out of my extended perception, seeing the green motes of Victus essence spreading in a cloud around me as I stare directly at the my current partner. “In my desk in my office. Walk behind it, in the middle drawer on the right side of the desk, you'll find a satchel. Bring it to me, set it on the bed here,” I indicate an open spot next to Nyss. “And then leave and close the door. I need zero distractions, but I need the essence batteries in that bag.”

  They stare at me for a moment, uncertain and probably unsettled by the calm pallor my voice as taken on as I steadily ramp up the amount of life essence flooding my system to deliberately induce some of the mild toxicity effects of it. It renders me feeling mechanical but adjusts my mind towards aligning with what I need to be to heal the most effectively. An intuitive sense of priorities, raising my affinity for life even higher, and making compounding more advanced combined essences easier.

  “Go! Now.” I demand after they hesitate too long for my liking. It snaps them out of the stupor and they run off. They'll take a minute at least and I already wasted precious seconds instructing them, so I begin now, leaving one hand palm up right where I indicated to set the satchel as I incant under my breath.

  [Body of Life] [Imbuement | Victus]

  My free hand is wreathed in blindingly brilliant green light and the taste of peppermint fills my mouth — the most common flavor associated with life essence. Alongside it, my eyes shift, seeing the spectra of life readily, calling out points of light in Nyss's body where they're most damaged while pushing her clothes and skin out of the way visually for me.

  I take stock over the next couple seconds while pressing my free hand to her forehead. The first and most direct is her mind, still in total tumult. So I start there. I direct life and air essence there once a second, flooding her brain with the two and each time some of her stress bleeds away, some of the damage lessens slowly.

  Each breath draws together connections where her spirit has separated, pulling the two closer and referencing the shade of her body in the immaterial plane as a point of reference. And as each thread is rejoined, as each layer resets, the glowing “danger" in her brain begins to lessen, the Sanctus holding her together dissipating as it's freed from its job. The essence leaves behind a warm nacre-gold haze that touches my awareness with what feels for all the world like it saying 'thanks' for the help.

  It reaches a point where it's no longer the brightest point of worry, so I seamlessly shift, moving to her lungs. Lungs, it seems, were thrown in a blender and poured into lung-shaped molds. Scar tissue abounds across both planes and it's making breathing and processing Aero harder.

  I clench my offhand, finding the satchel there. It was set down maybe fifteen minutes ago but I hadn't needed it yet. Now, moving onto organs that have essential baselines I'm less attuned to, I need some assistance, so I undo the bag and pull out the case on muscle memory, unlocking it and placing my hand atop the radiant crystal batteries. The power that floods into my hand as I reach for it would normally feel wonderful, but in this detached state, it's just fuel. Fuel to be burned on the pyre of medicine.

  However long it takes. I pass more Aero and Victus into her brain on the second, again, and settle in to work.

  I'm not sure how much time passes, but eventually the room turns dark, light, and then dark once more as I work. I only mark the passage for how it changes the way I need to use Victus to affect my sight and find it increasingly annoying to manage.

  But when the light comes one last time, I feel the last vestiges of my power sources collapse — drained to beyond their dregs and to the point that their crystal structures has collapsed. Idly, I consider I'll need to make new ones. Again.

  I withdraw my hands from beneath Nyss’s skin in her arm. She's wincing in horrible pain — reaching inside a person will do that — but I push a crude bit of magic into the bones of her arm as I hole them together in order to weld them in place with the life essence. I have to, unfortunately, guesstimate exact distances, as the abuse she put her arm through ground down the edges of the bone such that they wouldn't set by themselves without new material.

  But that's fine. It was the least concerning thing there.

  I look up, feeling the most dire fatigue of my life sprinting at me with a knife. It wants to claim my consciousness and I've run as far and fast from it as I could. I push it away just long enough to pull over a chair and sit next to the bed, leaving bloody handprints on the nice white fabric for the trouble.

  After I send a tiny burst of essence through my skin to clean my hands, take both of Nyss's hands in my own and fall asleep with a nearly silent prayer on my lips that I did enough.

  “May.”

  The voice comes on soft, seeming to drone from Nyssa’s lips in one of the dozens of repeating dreams I've had of her after things like this. I don't feel like getting up though. I'm enjoying this one so I just do the normal: squeeze her hands, make a hopefully cute grumble, and settle my head back against her chest.

  “May, you need to take a break, you've been in here for days.”

  The voice, now obviously and clearly not Nyss but instead Lady Lyriel, rouses me enough to lift my head. And boy, do I feel awful when I do. The whole everything spins, I'm wildly dehydrated, and more hungry than I think I've ever been. That and the spinning. There's a lot of spinning.

  Even sitting up is enough to make my gorge rise and it's all I can do to just bury my head in the mattress and wait for the end to come. Clearly that's the only outcome I'm facing.

  At least until Lady Lyriel puts a hand on my back and presses an infusion of Hydrus into me to dispel the nausea, sickness, and dizziness. It doesn't snap me back to one hundred percent immediately or anything. But it does make existence tolerable for now.

  Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

  “Days?” I eke out the question while the swimming in my head slows.

  “Yes, May, days. You refused to let anyone help you while you were treating Nyssa and I'm pretty sure that the only reason you're still standing is that I spent a few hours a day healing you. You were dangerously deep into toxicity for Victus and Vigora. That was foolish.”

  She chastises me, probably deservedly, but I just look up to see Nyssa sleeping soundly, no longer in pain and have to arrest a skip in my heartbeat when she squeezes my hand back. Subconsciously, probably. But…maybe…

  I shake my head, pushing it aside. Nyss has been doing everything possible to tell me she needs space, so I've done my part here. "Yeah, right. Sorry. After that time a few years back, seeing Nyssa in that bad a state just set me off."

  Lyriel gestures to the door with a soft, curious smile. Her sharply pointed ears angle up a hair from their normal downwards turn with the expression, her eyes communicating a deep concern despite the smile. "Obviously it was bad, but what kind of bad? Initially I thought it was just some mundane, but bad, wounds, but the length of time you were caring for her paints a radically different image. I couldn't get close enough to make my own readings — else I would have risked disrupting you."

  She pulls me off and into her office where I find her desk with a tray of good-looking foods on self-warming trays, All kinds of food, too. Seeing it makes my stomach grumble the loudest complaint it ever has, bringing along fresh pain for the effort. The natural essence density of the keep is such that I would never starve while being within its walls, let alone in the wards where it's deliberately concentrated even more than normal. But while my vital processes were gladly sustained by the worlds offerings, getting some real food to fill a more literal emptiness in my belly will be greatly appreciated.

  In lieu of answering right away, I give into the voices and fall upon the food with a fervor for a couple minutes feeling a little better with every bite until I trade the good for bad when I grievously overeat. Now suffering, I settle back into the chair, satisfied, and answer Lyriel's question.

  "It was her Sanctus essence. I don't know the specifics of what she went through, but she overtaxed herself to the point that she scarred all of her connections between her body and spirit. That strange essence was pretty literally the only thing holding her together from falling apart and giving into an essential collapse. She was dead on her feet, practically speaking — and facing a very, very unpleasant death for it."

  I have to frown. The idea of losing Nyssa out of the blue like that sends me down a very dark train of thought that I struggle to arrest until I hear Lyriel's voice from the other side of her desk. "Sounds a bit like what you did to yourself when the two of you got caught out in the woods a few years back." Her voice is thoughtful, not chiding.

  And she's right. Nyss getting mauled by that ogre and me having to push myself farther than I could ever imagine just to keep her on this side of the cycle of souls left my soul in tatters — something that required a specialist to come in and put me back together. "Yeah, thank the Gods themselves that the Watcher saw fit to give me the opportunity to learn that magic myself. Firsthand experience helped me recognize it, I think."

  We sit quiet for a little while, Lyriel clearly deep in thought while I try my best to not think about the whole situation until I remember something. "Nyssa told me that she ran into a calamity. Do you think that that sort of damage could be explained by something one could do?"

  She gets an uncomfortable grimace before answering, it mars her otherwise quite beautiful features with a look of worry that I don't often see on her. Lady Lyriel is the wardmaster for a reason — she's always collected and calm. Every bit as good as I am at medical sorcery, she's an order of magnitude better. "That's complicated. Could one have caused that sort of harm? Absolutely. What you were describing is fairly in-line with what happens preceding a calamity-inducing aetheric collapse. But…I know that it's not the case in this situation. That was damage solely inflicted by Nyssa's own actions. My understanding is that she brought it down without it managing a clear grab she would have needed to defend against.

  "It's purely the level of devotion she had to the task she she nearly brought herself to that brink and then pushed on from Meadowfields back to the keep." She ends the sentiment. There's some pride in her voice, but much more concern. The Vigil is full of people who would do anything to see those monsters taken down at any cost, but obviously it's a mindset that's discouraged. "I've spoken to Serafina Blackthorn over it and we've both come to a mutual agreement that Nyssa needs to take a step back after this outing."

  I nod along. "She won't be happy to hear that." It brings me a small chuckle, "But it would be on brand. The last time she took a break—"

  "Was immediately following her almost killing herself that time as well. I'm aware. It actually is something I wanted to talk to you about if you're up to it. Regarding your personal relationship with her."

  I match her own grimace with my own for a moment before deciding a frown suits better. "Sure. I'll answer whatever I can." There's a lot of still open wounds there, but I'm not about to clam up when I might help Nyss.

  "Well, the simplest question: as a friend, even a strained one, not a doctor, what is your assessment of her mental state in recent months and years?" Lyriel produces a personal codex, tapping it in a few places and then setting it down to record between the two of us. The little crystal screen displays a timer ticking up as it waits for me to begin.

  "How personal do you want?" I ask, trying to force down a rising anxiety.

  "As much as you're comfortable sharing, May. I know you've told me a fair bit, but this is for an official record — it'll only be seen by me, Serafina, and Alistair. Nobody else. It is purely gathering information to present to Nyssa when we pose her taking an extended break."

  It makes me sigh, shuddering a bit, but I find my strength after a few moments of watching the timer tick up. "Alright. Well, suffice it to say, she's not doing well and hasn't been for a while. But I suppose I should start at the beginning — when I first noticed something being amiss. It was shortly after that situation that saw us both laid up after our placement tests. A few months after I accepted my adoption into the Vendala family.

  She started to grow more distance, more cold, but we kept up our normal activities for most of the year until we just mutually…stopped. We had a fight — I don't really even remember what it was about. It got nasty on both sides, and ever since then, she and I haven't really been talking much. We never formally broke up, I guess, and we've been cordial — performing as well as ever together on expeditions. That side of things wasn't marred. We're both too professional for that, I think.

  But that aside, and stepping outside of myself for a bit. Her behavior has been getting more erratic. Taking dangerous expeditions alone with little support, coming back badly battered but whole. Stopping meeting with Ally and Wanwan for their regular lunches and training. She's still training, mind. She just lives in the construct training fields instead of working with anyone else. Most of the people she used to train with before taking up the role of Aspirant have taken a step back for one reason or another — usually after she rebuffed them for the umpteenth time."

  I trail off, something in all of it has always had me feeling responsible, but I could never be sure why. I don't say that, though. Owning that is a bridge too far. I pull back a hair emotionally, steadying my voice. "Putting it more simply, and in a way more useful to a record: she's been isolating herself more and more and it has me worried. I don't think anyone would ever expect Nyssa to be the warmest person in the world. Losing everything above and beyond anyone here saw to that, but in the last six or so years she has closed off to everyone irrespective of circumstances. It's just training, expeditions — usually alone — and time in the medical wards and archives between."

  Lady Lyriel gives me a few beats before raising her eyebrows in a question. I just nod, rubbing at the corner of my eyes with the back of my sleeve. She, taking the cue, nods and taps the crystal screen, ending the recording.

  "Now, informally. How are you?"

  I step out of Lady Lyriels office, feeling a great load come off my shoulders — saying things to her I've only really thought for the last five years or so. She's always been something of a surrogate mother to me because of our close connection and shared affinities, and I dearly appreciate her for it.

  But as I look at the bustling ward, I turn to head back to Nyssa's room. Whatever misgivings we might have, after how she was I don't want her to wake up alone. Maybe it would be a good catalyst to do that one thing we're really bad at: talking.

  But when I step foot in that direction, I hear a melodic voice from behind me, clearly speaking through a smile based on the tone. "May?"

  When I spin, I see Dame Serafina wearing her official robes and bearing a scrollcase in her offhand, her stave resting in the other. "Yes, Archivist?" I ask, turning around, putting my back to Nyssa's door.

  "I was coming to find you, actually. The Vendala charter sent word for you — they requested you come down to the city as soon as possible. At a glance, it sounded fairly time sensitive, so I wanted to find you and get you heading that way as fast as possible. I think it's good news though, the messenger seemed in a good mood."

  I struggle to keep a frown from my face. I've been waiting for this approval for a long time — the better part of two years — but I really don't want to leave Nyssa here without me…

  "I appreciate it, Dame Serafina. I'll probably send them a response and just stick here. I don't want to leave Nyssa alone after what happened to put her here. I haven't been able to file a full report yet, but she was really bad off. She needs to have someone with her when she wakes up, too, just in case there's any lingering tension there and could set her back into a mental spiral." I try to offer a combination of my emotional reasoning alongside a practical one. It's one of the best ways to make a point in this kind of situation, after all.

  "May, I saw how long you were in there when I came in to check on Nyssa. I'd say you've done more than your part. I doubt if Nyssa would hold it against you that you needed to take a break to handle some personal things after nearly three days of uninterrupted work." She fixes me with a smile and a half-chastising finger waggle, "I think she would acutely understand such things, even. As it tends to only be after such events that she ever takes a break."

  "Yeah, I get that, but this is still an extraordinary situation, Dame Serafina." I start to try again but she hardens a little bit, face going firm and more "instructor-ey".

  "May, please. I know you've been waiting for this and Nyssa won't be alone. She'll be watched round the clock by everyone here and Nimael in specific. I can't think of a better option than him, really."

  My ears fall, dropping down in front of my face, giving an undeniable sign of my mood and thoughts on that…but she's right. Nyssa told me off directly when she got back, and if she found out I blew off something important to watch her just lay there, she would be mad at me. And Nimael is the right choice, generally. Nobody can stay mad at him.

  "Alright, fine. You're right. I'll go get washed up and head down to Kharbon." I offer meekly.

  "Catch some sleep, too, May. You'll be no good to anyone if you're dead on your feet and they can afford to wait, especially with the circumstances." The scrollcase switches hands and Serafina fixes me with a warm smile that puts me a little at ease. We separate, me heading out of the wards to a round of compliments over my work, and her heading into Nyssa's room.

  I stare for a couple more moments at that door between us but sigh and head off, trudging with my own spirit feeling quite decoupled from my body over it all and with no doctor to put it back together for me.