“What do you mean ‘more time’?” Cooper said.

  It was a little past midday and he was standing in the Blue Base amphitheater. The six Blue Teamers were sitting on the bleachers looking sheepish. All execpt the Lesbian, who had apparently been put in charge of breaking the bad news.

  “We’re not saying nor or anything,” the kid said. “We just feel like we don’t have enough information yet. We were hoping that you would perhaps be willing to gran us one more day to explore and discuss things with Lady Amelia.”

  “And also eat my food, and play on my badminton court, and soak in my Jacuzzi.” Cooper said.

  “If you don’t mind,” the Lesbian said meekly.

  “Didn’t I explain to you guys that time is a factor here?”

  “You did,” the Lesbian allowed. “Unfortunately, these things take time.”

  “So what if I were to tell you,” Cooper said, “that I needed an answer right now, yes or no? What would you say?”

  “I told you this wasn’t going to work,” Fidel - Nejin - said.

  “Shut up!” Spiro shot back.

  “If we had to decide right now, then the answer would be no.” the Lesbian said.

  “You’re not going to vote on it?” Cooper demanded.

  “We already did,” the Cyclops said.

  “Let him talk,” Bird Girl sighed.

  “What was the count?” Cooper asked.

  “Five to zero,” Spiro said.

  “Six to zero,” Nejin corrected, causing Spiro to throw a punch at him.

  “There’s some debate right now,” the Lesbian explained, as Lurch got between Spiro and Nejin, “about whether I’m currently a full citizen. But either way it was unanimous.”

  “So none of you want to come with me?” Cooper said, scanning the row of kids before him on the bleachers. He had been expecting one or two weak leaks, what he got instead was twelve eyes staring back at him.

  “It’s not thta we don’t want to,” the Lesbian explained. “It’s that we can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Becaues some things are sacred,” the Cyclops said.

  “We were not sent here as a punishment,” said the Lesbian. “We were given a task. We must perform the necessary rites to pacify the bull. If we were to leave the maze with you, there would be no one left to perform that job in our place.”

  “But you aren’t doing that shit anyway, right? Didn’t you say the Kayins were preventing you from doing all your religious stuff?”

  “We’re doing our best,” said Fidel.

  “The fact tha the Kayins are interfering does not free us from our obligations,” the Lesbian said. “If they ever leave, someone must remain here so that the rites can be resumed immediately. But that isn’t the only problem. There’s also the matter of the others.”

  “What others?” Cooper demanded.

  The six Blue Teamers looked at each other, like they were all afraid to say it.

  “The ones trapped inside the Kayin base,” the Lesbianfinally said.

  “I thought you said they killed everyone they took from you?”

  “They only kill the boys,” Lurch said quietly.

  Cooper considered this for a minute. “So then what are they doing with the girls?”

  “What do you think they’re doing with the girls?” Bird Girl said hotly.

  “When I came into the maze, I was with my cousin Yanya,” the Lesbian said. “She was old for a sacrifice. Almost 20. She protected me. I wouldn’t have survived those first few days without her. Yanya was taken by the Kayins just before Itaja found me. I suppose she’s probably dead, but I don’t know how I could leave here until I was sure.”

  “So what is your plan then?,” Cooper said in disbelief. “You’re all just going to hang around here until the Kayins starve you out?”

  “Hopefully it won’t come to that,” Lurch said.

  “You made us an offer just now, Lord Rabbit,” said the Cyclops. “Now let me make you one. Several of our number would love to move into your palace. In exchange for the room and board, I will do what I can to help you with your holy water issue. Once we manage to remove the curse on the staff, you will return it to us, and then we will return your remaining possessions to you. And then you may leave the maze at your leisure.”

  Cooper looked from one face to another. “That’s it? That’s your offer?”

  “What do you say?” asked the Cyclops.

  “I say go fuck yourself,” said Cooper. Then turned and punched the maze symbol.

  * * *

  ”And next we have kan, which is Perception, your ability to see and hear things,” Amelia was saying.

  “Fucking assholes,” Cooper muttered to himself.

  “Your kan is at silver, “ Amelia continued, “which again, is slightly above average.”

  “You realize they’re all going to die, right?”

  Amelia did her best to supress a sigh. “You know Mister Cooper,” she finally said,” if you’re planning to go down to level two tonight, we really do need to get through all this first.”

  “I can’t focus,” Cooper said. “I’m too pissed off.”

  “Alright fine. Let’s talk about it. What are you so mad about?”

  “Because I tried to save those kid’s lives and they basically told me to fuck off.”

  “But that’s their choice isn’t it? Don’t they have every right to make their own decisions?”

  “They’re a bunch of fucking kids,” Cooper said. “They don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground.”

  “I don’t disagree,” Amelia said. ”Well if you really feel strongly about it, I suppose there’s one other thing you could do.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You could trick them,” Amelia said. “Lure them into the par under false pretenses, then refuse to take the collars off. Or wait until they’re all here, then immediately go down the staircase. They’ll be cut off from the maze forever.”

  Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

  Cooper looked at Amelia, a little bit shocked. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

  “Oh, no,” Amelia said. “If you betray them that way they will hate you for it. You would never be able to trust them ever again. You would always have to worry about them trying to get revenge. No, I don’t think it’s a good idea at all.”

  “Then why are you suggesting it?”

  “Because you asked me what your options were. I am your Librarian, Mister Cooper, not your priest. It’s not my job to make moral judgments about how you play the Game. It’s my job to help you win.”

  “Okay fine,” Cooper said. “From now on when I ask you for help let’s stick with the options that aren’t obviously cuckoo for Coco Puffs. If I want the crazy options too I’ll ask.”

  “As you wish,” Amelia said. “May I continue?”

  Cooper gave her a nod.

  “The next attribute is zhi, which means Intellect…”

  * * *

  Amelia went on talking that way for a least another 5 minutes before Cooper decided he was bored and needed a break. After that he wento to the badminton court to see how the Geeks were doing. Then made a plate at the buffet and took it out to Barry on the patio. But nothing works. Everywhere Cooper went, within a minute he was thinking about the conversation with the Minoans.

  Finally, he decided he couldn’t take it anymore. Collecitng the Geeks from the badminton court, Cooper marched over to the foyer and punched the blue maze symbol that led to the Minoan base.

  The amphitheater was empty when he arrived. But he could hear some sort of noise in the next room, and also see some sort of commotion happening through the low stone corridor, though he couldn’t tell exactly what.

  “Hey!” Cooper shouted.

  Spiro was the first person to appear. He was wearing some sort of stain-covered smock with matching gloves.

  “What do you want?” he demanded.

  “Get them al black in here,” Cooper said.

  “What for? Spiro replied. “You already told us to fuck off.”

  “Get them all back in here right now or you’ll never sit in my hot tube ever again.”

  Spiro stared at Cooper for a second. Then turned and went back through the corridor.

  It only took a minute or so for Spiro to collect the other Minoans. Soon enough they were all sitting on the bleachers, staring at Cooper expectantly. Like Spiro, most of them were wearing stained-covered smocks and gloves, like they’d just been in the middle of some chemistry experiment. Cooper was definitely curious what they had been up to when he arrived, but he didn’t ask, on account of he hadn’t come here to listen.

  “What can we do for you, Rabbit?” the Cyclops said, wearily, once they were all together.

  “That’s Lord Rabbit to you. And I’m here for an apology,” Cooper said.

  The Cyclops looked at his fellow Minoans, an amused expression on his face. “Why would I need to apologize to you?”

  “Because you kidnapped me, took all my shit and then broke my fucking feet a lot.”

  “You stole my staff,” the Cyclops shot back. “And you nearly killed Hbiru.”

  ”Hbiru is…?” Cooper began.

  “The Lesbian,” said Bird Girl.

  “Right. So here’s the thing. I already apologized to the Lesbian. He and I are all good. The girl too. It’s the rest of you fuckers who need to apologize. ”

  “And why would we care to do that?” the Cyclops said.

  “Mainly for the satisfaction of not being a total asshole,” Cooper said. “But also, if you weren’t such an asshole I might tell you where your missing girls are.”

  The room went silent. None of the Minoans dared to speak.

  “I probably should have led with that, shouldn’t I?” Cooper continued calmly. “Yeah, I found your missing girls.”

  “What do you mean you found them?” Spiro demanded.

  “What do you think I mean?” Cooper shot back. “I found your missing girls.”

  “You mean the girls kidnapped by the Kayins?” the Lesbian asked.

  “Is there some other group of missing girls you haven’t told me about?” Cooper said seriously. “Because you only told me about one.”

  “You saw them with your own eyes?” asked the Cyclops.

  “Where are they?” said Spiro

  “Are they alive?” said Lurch.

  “See, these are the sorts of questions I’d be happy to answer for someone who wasn’t an asshole,” Cooper replied.

  “I’m sorry,” said Lurch.

  “Me too,” said Fidel.

  “And me,” said Spiro.

  “Just one more to go,” said Cooper.

  Every eye in the auditorium turned to the Cyclops, who sighed theatrically.

  “Very well. My apologies, Lord Rabbit. Please tell us more about our missing girls”

  “So, now was that so hard?” Cooper said. “Moving on then. Yes, your girls are alive. Yes, I’ve seen them with my own eyes. They’re inside the Kayin base in an enormous cattle pen.”

  “You’ve been inside the Kayin base?” Fidel asked.

  “Sure,” Cooper said. “I’ve been all over it.”

  “How?” said Bird Girl.

  “I’m extremely clever,” Cooper said. “That’s not all. I also have a plan to rescue your girls. And I don’t want to brag, but it’s basically perfect.”

  “I’d love to hear more about this plan,” said the Lesbian.

  “Me too,” said Fidel.

  “See, but here’s the thing about that,” said Cooper. “If I tell you about my plan, you’re just going to want to vote on it and argue about it for days and days, and nothing will ever get done. So what’s even the point?”

  “That’s not fair,” Bird Girl said.

  “We make decisions sometimes,” said Fidel.

  “Bullshit you do,” Cooper shot back. “As far as I can tell you people know how to do. Argue and starve.”

  “What do you want from us, Lord Rabbit?” the Cyclops demanded. “Are we supposed to throw away our most sacred traditions just because you find them inconvenient?”

  “I’m not asking you for anything,” Cooper said. “I’m just telling you how fucking annoying you all are.”

  “And what will it take to change your mind I wonder? Do you expect us to make you First Elder in the hopes of getting you to talk?”

  “Is First Elder what you are?” Cooper asked.

  “Yes,” the Cyclops said.

  “Then absolutely not,” Cooper said. “Let me be very clear about one thing. I would literally rather die than have your job. The way these people interrupt you and contradict you any time you try to do anything? Seriously, just kill me now. The ony way I would ever take charge of this donkey circus is if you made me King. Better yet, God-King. Like if you want to make me your Supreme High God-King for Life, okay, I’m listening. But anything less than that and you can get fucked. ”

  “What are you even talking about?!” the Cyclops said. “You’re not making sense!”

  “Are you really not going to tell us about your plan?” the Lesbian said.

  “Why bother?” Cooper said. “The plan will never work unless you guys do your jobs without complaining, and I don’t think you’re up to it.”

  “I wouldn’t mind having a God-King for a while,” the Lesbian said.

  “Hbiru, shut your mouth!” the Cyclops snapped.

  “If it was to save Yanya I mean,” the Lesbian replied.

  “You just mean a temporary God-King, right?” said Fidel.

  “Enough,” shouted the Cyclops, stamping his feet. “This Council is not going to dignify the ridiculous notion of crowning a Supreme High God King For Life! We are not Egyptian!”

  “What about the Bull?” Bird Girl asked. “Does your plan address that, too?”

  “Of course it does,” Cooper snapped. “Did I not tell you my plan was basically perfect?”

  “I would really like to hear this plan,” said Lurch.

  “Me too,” said Bird Girl.

  “I’ve heard just about enough of this,” said the Cyclops.

  “Tell you what,” Cooper said. “I’m in a good mood today, so I’m going to cut you people a deal. I’m going to tell you about my plan, one time. And then you all can vote, one time. But I expect that vote to be six to zero. If anyone of you dipshits votes against the plan, you’ll never see me again.

  “The Lesbian isn’t a citizen anymore,” Spiro said. “He doesn’t get a vote.”

  “He does for this,” Cooper said.

  “I don’t care how great this plan is,” the Cyclops said. “We are not crowning a king.”

  “Can we just hear him out first?,” Bird Girl said.

  “It’s only just temporary,” said Fidel.

  “How can you have a temporary God-King for Life?!” the Cyclops shouted.

  “Supreme High God King for Life,” Cooper said. “Get it right. And I’m still waiting for an answer. Do you want to hear the plan or not?”

  * * * * *

  Name: Cooper of Vancouver

  Gender: Male

  Affiliation: None

  Age at Entry: 29

  Current Level: The Labyrinth (1)

  Jing: 10/10

  Qi: 14/14

  Shen: 0

  Life #: 2

  Status: Cursed (3)