I get out of the shower, throw on sweatpants and one of Vern’s shirts, and open the door to find Vivi staring up at me, his big yellow eyes full of love and loneliness.

  “I’m sorry, boy, you know I’d have come and visit you if I could.” I sit down on the couch in the living room and he runs up next to me, to lay his head in my lap. I turn on a documentary about the pyramids, one of the ones with only mild xenowarrior propaganda.

  “I think it was Sazwa,” Vern says, entering the room with a bowl of icecream, a bunch of random gummies mixed in. He hands it to me, our fingers touching on the cold bowl.

  “It was Bowie,” I tell him. “Threatened me at the ball.”

  “Bowie doesn’t do things personally.”

  “Then one of their goons. They said a borrower might do it.” I take a spoonful of ice cream, bite into one of the gummies, which is hard with the cold. I chew viciously, get my anger out on it. “Do these have THC?”

  “No.”

  “Get me the good ones, please,” I say.

  He stares blankly at the outstretched bowl.

  “I nearly got murdered, you have to be nice to me.”

  “I am being nice to you,” he says, rolling his eyes and taking the bowl back to the kitchen.

  “Yeah? You were being nice to be when you held that sex pact?”

  “The payoff was gonna be hot and you know it,” he says, shouting from around the corner. “You’re overreacting.”

  “When you told me to shut up at the mansion?”

  “You were making Luis panic, I had to control you. You’re always out of control, you know that you needed it.”

  I don’t know that. I don’t reply.

  “Then you provoked me, in front of the entire crowd, embarrassed me. Like what the fuck was that, why did you do that?”

  I hadn’t felt bad at the time. He’s right that I planned it. Maybe I am a manipulator, maybe I am the asshole. He’s predictable, an idiot, and I took advantage of that to push my agenda. Right?

  Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

  “Sorry,” I say.

  “Apology accepted,” he says, rounding the corner with the ice cream. “Don’t do that shit again, though. And for the record, Bowie’s borrower is like, a shitty lawyer type, not a hitman, no way it was him, they’d send abraham or another wolf.”

  “And Sazwa is a master assassin?” I take the bowl. It doesn’t escape my notice that Vern can get Bowie’s pronouns right, but not mine.

  “Sazwa’s a witch, she had a shadow seed a month ago, might still have it.”

  “What matters is, I don’t think they know I’m alive. Won’t know till they catch it in the news. I’m safe till then.”

  “You’re gonna stay safe, H-bomb, Mickey magiced this place up good. Added security wards this time.”

  “I’m not- I’m not coming back, Vern, I just needed somewhere tonight.”

  He lays a hand on mine, looks me in the eye. “I’ve been an idiot,” he says. “That business with Luis, that was dumb, I was just- trying to make you jealous, trying to make you-”

  “Trying to make me yours?” I ask. I squish one of the gummies deep under the icecream with the spoon. He makes no denial. “Getting a lot of that.”

  “When I first met you, you were so cool.”

  “You understand why that’s not a compliment, right?”

  “You had so much passion, you cared about everything. And like- I’m the weird witch out, right, don’t know shit, don’t care about shit, don’t start shit, I’m just the trust fund white kid, all privilege.”

  “You are gay.”

  “But you- when I met you you were on fire, your passion set me alight too. And then you started this trans thing and- I mean first off, yeah, I’m mega gay, won’t catch me calling you my girlfriend. But second, and bigger, was when you started that, your fire went away.”

  “It’s a journey, it’s hard, there’s a lot of energy that goes into it,” I whine. “And- You know- The thing about being on fire full time is you’re suffering the whole way, Vern. So sorry if I’m not cool, sorry if I’m not burning with passion, sorry if I’m boring-” I’m gonna start yelling at him. I stuff my face with ice cream before I run my mouth any more.

  “Heidi. You were on fire today,” he smiles.

  I have a spoon in my mouth, slowly getting brain freeze, stunned. He just smiles proudly.

  “H-bomb 2.0, out there calling the witch queen a thief to her face. And I just thought- that’s the person I love. This is why I needed you in my world, to show me what was wrong, to show me how to change it. I need that fire in my life again.”

  I put the bowl of ice cream down, look at Vivi, eyes shut, tail wagging, resting on my lap, because I can’t look at Vern right now. His hand creeps up my shoulder, my neck, his fingers brush through my hair.

  I’m not staying. Just somewhere calm to rest my head till the cops are done with my bunk. Just a night cuddling Vivi on the couch. I’m not staying. I can’t be staying. I’m not supposed to be where I am. The borrowers would be pissed if they knew I was consorting with witches all of a sudden.

  I moan, a long satisfying exhale as I melt into his hand, down into his shoulder. I’m tired. I’m scared. I’m starved for human touch, for kind words. He accepted my apology, I have a place here, still. And where else am I supposed to be?

  “I love you too,” I say, and I can still abide myself afterwards.