Chapter 1: John’s Childhood

  Two uneventful years passed. The Osbornes were a normal family, living in a normal home in the suburbs. It was a smaller house than Carol would have liked to raise her family in, but she was content nonetheless. Randy got a job working at the local Bible factory. Here, he supervised the printing and manufacturing of hundreds of Bibles every day. Although he was illiterate and could not read the Bibles, Randy was a devout Christian. Randy loved the Lord more than anyone else on earth did, with the exception, of course, of his beautiful son. Carol was happy during these years. Randy had seemed to calm down once the child had been born, and no longer did anything that alarmed his wife.

  It was a day like any other as Randy clocked in to work. He swiftly went to his chair next to the conveyor belt. There was a metallic humming as Bibles slid past him on the belt, one after another. Randy’s official title was Conveyor Belt Supervisor. This made Randy feel very important, as he was in charge of something–the conveyor belt. Was this job strictly necessary? Who’s to say. The only thing that Randy actually did was call over somebody else if he saw an issue with the machinery or with a particular Bible. But Randy’s boss, whether he knew it or not, was being guided by the Lord in his decision to let Randy keep his job.

  On this day, a Bible fell off of the conveyor belt. It slid off the edge, pushed off by another Bible that was misaligned, and hit the ground with a thud. Randy stood up out of his chair and bent to pick it up. A page fell out and fluttered to the ground. The page was not torn–it had never been attached. Such a thing could not happen, as this was a good Bible factory where mistakes like this were not made. Randy bent down to pick up the fallen page. Upon closer inspection, all of the ink was smeared and mostly unreadable. A single verse remained fully legible. Randy knew that this was guidance from the Lord. Whatever this passage said would tell Randy what to do next. If only he could read it.

  Randy had been eagerly awaiting further instructions ever since his son’s birth. Now, it seemed, these instructions had come. When he arrived home, he showed the page to Carol, and asked her what the verse said. Carol thought for a moment, then said:

  “It’s Isaiah 40:22. ‘

  Randy considered his options for a moment, and decided to respond to her truthfully, hoping that she would understand. “It’s a sign from God,” he said proudly but nervously.

  Carol sighed. “Randy. Please. You said you were done with this.”

  “How do you explain this, Carol? You think it’s coincidence that it just so happens to be this verse?”

  “What do you mean?” Carol asked. “What does this verse have to do with anything?”

  “I don’t know,” Randy said anxiously. “But I will figure it out. For you, Carol.”

  And so Randy had his new mission. He thought over that verse obsessively over the next few months.

  Grasshoppers. Inhabitants that are like grasshoppers. Could it be that the Lord wanted him to get as many grasshoppers as possible? And the grasshoppers are in a tent. More specifically, a curtain laid out like a tent. It was clear what Randy needed to do. There was nowhere in town Randy could get grasshoppers in sufficient quantity. So, he went to the bait store and bought all the crickets they had. When he returned home with a foam cooler full of crickets, Carol was confused.

  “Randy, why did you buy these crickets?” she asked.

  “They didn’t have grasshoppers.”

  The next step was to get a curtain. However, Randy would never finish this project, as something else began to dawn on him. There was another part of the verse that was very, very important. Not just his own life, but his family’s lives, and the lives of the whole world. He just couldn’t quite put the pieces together yet, and this frustrated Randy greatly. Randy would stay up all night pacing back and forth and looking out the window. He would go for late-night drives and walks that went on for hours. Carol was understandably very concerned, especially because these habits had begun to affect her husband’s sleep. But there was nothing for her to do. Randy simply needed time to think, to put it all together.

  One day Carol awoke to the sound of young John in her room. John was saying something, and in her half-asleep state she couldn’t quite make it out.

  “...NASA T, mommy. We need to stop them!”

  Carol didn’t ask. She got out of bed, picked up John, and angrily climbed down the stairs to find her husband. She found Randy in the living room, sitting on the ground, his legs flat and his back against the wall. Randy had a grin on his face, and a sparkle in his eyes that she had not seen since the day of John’s birth.

  “What is this? What are you telling our child?” Carol asked, terrified of what the answer would be. Randy was silent. Carol, trying to calm herself and reason with her husband, continued. “It’s just that–”

  “NASA is lying,” interrupted Randy.

  “What?”

  “It’s true,” Randy replied, sure of himself. “It’s right there in the verse. It is He who sits above the circle of the earth. Circle, Carol. Not sphere. Circle. I contacted the physics department at the local college, and they confirmed it. The best scientists in a hundred miles, and they told me what I should have already known. Circle and sphere are two different shapes.”

  “So?”

  “So?” Huffed Randy, outraged. “So the earth isn’t a sphere, Carol. It’s a circle. It’s flat.”

  “No it isn’t,” Carol replied with a sigh. Even though she wasn’t a fan of this line of thinking, she had been prepared for Randy to say something far worse.

  “Carol, what part of this don’t you understand? Circle and sphere are different shapes! It’s scientifically proven! Circles are flat, Carol. Flat! And NASA T is lying about it.”

  “NASA wouldn’t just lie about that,” Carol said, already tired of this. “What would they possibly have to gain from lying about such a silly thing?”

  “Our eternal souls. They are trying to guide us away from the Lord, away from God. That’s why He showed me that verse. And that’s why He sent the angel to tell me that John was the savior!” Randy had begun to yell, out of both excitement and frustration. “John will go on to spread the flat earth truth to the world!”

  “Our child is not some savior!” Carol snapped. “And NASA isn’t some satanic organization. They study space.”

  “This isn’t just NASA we’re dealing with here, Carol. It’s NASA T! They control the world. Think about it!”

  “You think about it!” Carol yelled. “What the fuck is NASA T, Randy?” It was becoming clear to her that there was nothing she could say that would change Randy’s mind.

  “I’m glad you asked, my dear wife,” replied Randy. “NASA T is the organization you know as NASA. But think about it. If you take the letters in NASA, then add a T, you can rearrange them to spell SATAN. Is that just a coincidence? Us holy men of God call it NASA T because we know the truth.”

  “Name one other person who calls them NASA T.”

  “Jim, down at the liquor store. I called him at 3am. At first he said to me, ‘Randy, why are you calling me at three in the morning to talk about NASA?’ But then I explained it to him, and he said to me, ‘sure Randy, I’ll call NASA whatever you want, just don’t call me anymore.’ One down, millions to go. ”

  “Well thank God Jim Down at the Liquor Store is on our side.”

  “Mommy, I’m scared,” said John, still in Carol’s arms. He was frightened and beginning to cry. “Is NASA T going to steal my eternal soul?”

  “Yes they are, John,” replied Randy, “unless, of course, you listen to your father and help fight them.”

  From that moment on, John knew what needed to be done. For as long as he could remember, he was taught the truth about NASA T and the shape of the earth. John would later go on to uncover more conspiracies and deceit, all connecting back to NASA T. NASA T, the organization at the top of the world, who control everything from the shadows. Randy knew that, right now, there was very little he could do but bide his time and teach everything he could to his son. John was the savior, not him. His role was to teach John, to instill the proper values and knowledge into him, to make sure that his son grew up to be the best savior that he could be. And so Randy made educating John his top priority for the next eleven years. But this didn’t stop Randy from spreading his ideas to anyone who would listen.

  …

  One night Carol awoke in the middle of the night. Her arm was splayed out in front of her almost to the edge of the bed. This made her notice very quickly that Randy was not there. Carol got out of bed to investigate. As she crept down the stairs, she could hear Randy’s voice in the kitchen.

  “What do you mean!? What is it you don’t understand?”

  Silence for a few seconds.

  The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

  “I don’t care what time it is! NASA T never rests, and neither should we.”

  Another moment of silence.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about! The evidence is right in front of you! You’d have to be an idiot to ignore it. Please!”

  Silence.

  “Well, right back at you!”

  Randy slammed the phone down on the receiver as his wife entered the kitchen.

  “Randy, who was that?” asked Carol, with a sinful concern in her voice.

  “Damned if I know,” Randy muttered in frustration.

  “What do you mean you don’t know? You called them!”

  “I call all sorts of people, Carol. I dial random numbers at night and try to convince whoever picks up of the flat earth truth. They tend to not take it too well. It’s a burden I have to bear.”

  “What?” Carol rubbed her eyes, not entirely sure that she wasn’t dreaming.

  “I thought you knew,” Randy said with a shrug. “What did you think I’ve been doing at night?”

  “Sleeping?”

  “Preposterous.” Randy then picked up the receiver and dialed another number. There were a few moments of silence.

  “I don’t speak whatever language that is…buddy, I don’t know what you’re saying.” Carol watched on in silence. “Come on man, English please…English…alright, your loss.” Randy hung up the phone. “Another good attempt,” he said with pride. “The Lord shall be pleased.”

  As Randy began to dial another number, Carol silently turned and walked towards her bedroom.

  Years went by. Seasons changed. Leaves fell and buds sprouted, and Randy continued his job at the Bible factory and his mission to spread the truth. Randy had spent these years talking to anyone who would listen, which turned out to be quite a few people.

  One day, Carol returned home from the grocery store with John. She entered the house with her grocery bags in her hands and John walking behind her. As she shut the door, she realized that the house was quiet. Too quiet. Silent. Carol knew something was wrong. She went through the house looking for Randy. She found him, in his office, with his head in his hands.

  “Carol, I’m so sorry,” said Randy, his voice cracking. “So sorry,” he repeated.

  “Randy…”

  Randy was on the verge of tears now. “I was wrong about all of it, Carol. NASA T, the flat earth.” Tears began to run down his face. “There is no NASA T, Carol. Never was. The Earth is a sphere, and NASA just studies outer space.” He pulled out a sheet of paper and began writing something as he spoke.

  “How could I have been so blind!? The anger I now feel towards myself, ‘tis too much to bear!” Randy handed her the sheet of paper. It read, “NASA T is listening. No Africa!!!!”

  “Randy, what?”

  Randy began frantically writing on another sheet of paper, while saying to Carol, “The guilt is simply too much to bear. Oh, how sure I was of the flat earth! I was wrong!”

  He handed the paper to Carol. “Wiretaps. Fake continent. Think!”

  Randy began tapping his temple aggressively, signaling to Carol that she needed to think for herself rather than simply trusting the government’s lies. “Oh, the guilt! The shame! I simply cannot bear it. I know what might make me feel better. A nice drive. Why don’t you come with me, Carol. And we’ll bring the boy!”

  Randy ran out of his office. He found John and swiftly escorted him to the car. Carol joined them after a few moments of thought. With the three of them now safely in the car, without any NASA T wiretaps, Randy could finally speak freely. However, he remained silent as he pulled out of the driveway.

  “Randy, what are you talking about?” Carol asked, as she always did.

  Randy replied, “I know too much, and now NASA T knows that I know too much. So they put wiretaps in our house. Carol, John, I learned the truth about Africa. There is no Africa! It’s a fake continent they made up to generate revenue. Think about it. All that money that gets sent to ‘Africa’ is just going into the pockets of NASA T.”

  Carol took a deep breath. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore, she thought, but somehow I am. “Why on Earth would you think that?” she asked.

  “Why…well I’ll tell you why,” Randy huffed, frustrated at his wife’s ignorance. “A giant continent, with over a billion people on it, right below Europe and we’re just now hearing about it? I mean come on, Carol, how gullible can you be?”

  “That’s a good point, Dad.” said John, staring out the window thoughtfully.

  “John–no, no it’s not.” replied Carol. Randy had just merged onto the freeway, and the car was speeding up. He kept his eyes on the road and had not looked at Carol once since they got in the car.

  “I also have mathematical proof. Math, Carol. The Bible of the numbers world! I spent the last three days at the library, doing research and gathering all the data I need,” Randy said with confidence. His wife did not seem persuaded by this.

  “You haven’t been going to work?”

  “They probably fired me by now. That’s alright, I don’t need that job anyway. Just another way for NASA T to monitor me. The Lord will provide.”

  Carol turned around to face her son, who was sitting in the backseat. “John–please don’t listen to your father,” she pleaded. John looked at his mother and replied, “He’s right, Mom. He has mathematical proof.”

  “What proof!? What math could possibly show that Africa doesn’t exist?”

  “I’m glad you asked, my dear wife,” replied Randy. “You see, ‘Africans’ allegedly comprise roughly sixteen percent of the world’s population. However, African Americans only comprise roughly thirteen percent of the population of the United States. There is a discrepancy in these numbers.”

  “What?”

  “There’s no even distribution of these ‘Africans.’ Where are they all going?”

  There was no changing Randy’s mind, and Carol knew that. However, her son was not yet a lost cause.

  “John, Africa is real.” insisted Carol. “It’s real. People go there. It’s a real place where–”

  “Dammit Carol!” Interrupted Randy. “I’m trying to raise the boy in the real world. Not your fantasy world with fairies and elves and mountain lions and Africa.”

  “Mountain lions? You don’t believe in mountain lions now? Why would the government lie about mountain lions?”

  Randy was getting visibly angry now. He spoke firmly, but resisted the urge to raise his voice at his wife.

  “The government? Carol, mountain lions are just a story parents tell their kids to get them to behave. ‘Randy, don’t wander off too far from the campsite or a mountain lion might get you’,” he said in a voice mimicking his mother. “Lions don’t live in the mountains. They live in Africa. Which isn’t even real! Maybe there are no lions. And there certainly aren’t any ‘mountain’ lions.”

  “They have lions at the zoo,” John said.

  “That’s true! Great observation, son,” Randy said with genuine excitement. “Now, where might those animals have come from? Where is their natural habitat, if not Africa?”

  John had an idea. “Maybe they don’t have a natural habitat,” he said. “In school, they taught us about Dolly the sheep. They cloned her! They made a new sheep in a lab. And if they can clone a sheep, why not a lion?”

  “My God Carol, our son is so smart!” Randy said. “Of course! And if they can make lions in a lab, why not make some mountain lions just for kicks. Jesus, they’ve probably released these mountain lions all over the country by now. This is terrible! There are big cats in the American wilderness! John, when we’re outside, never wander off too far. One of these NASA T mountain lions might get you!”

  “You know I’m always on the lookout for NASA T, Dad.”

  “Randy, just take me home,” said Carol, defeated.

  Another week passed. One night the Osborne family was eating dinner. John’s plate was empty, other than his broccoli, which he was moving back and forth with his fork while staring at the plate. Randy had also spent the dinner looking down at his food, as things had not been going well lately between him and Carol.

  “Eat your broccoli,” Carol said to John.

  “I don’t want to. It’s gross,” John replied.

  “John, there are starving kids in Africa, and you won’t even–”

  “Starving kids where?!” Randy roared, outraged.

  “Africa. In Africa,” responded Carol firmly, glaring at Randy.

  “Right,” said Randy compliantly, having remembered that the house was wiretapped. “A very real continent it seems.”

  Later that night Randy was making the bed while Carol was in the bathroom brushing her teeth. The two of them heard a loud crashing sound coming from the driveway.

  “Dammit,” said Randy, “the bear’s back.” Although the Osborne household had bear proof trash cans, the bear had discovered that if it flung them around enough eventually they would break open. Randy would go intervene and scare off the bear, normally before it managed to get the trash can open. Carol obviously objected to this, saying it was dangerous, but Randy insisted that “this bear is a pussy,” and that “it’s no match for me.”

  On that particular day, the bear was not a pussy. Randy ran outside and yelled “hey! Get! Get Out of here!” The bear, however, simply looked at Randy, who was now standing on the porch, and held its ground. The bear began moving towards Randy, and before he could even react Randy heard the door shut and lock behind him. Carol stood on the other side of the door, trembling. This was her chance to fulfill the promise she had made to herself all those years ago.

  John heard his father scream outside, and ran to the front door. Carol blocked him. “John, this needs to happen,” she said. “It has to.”

  “What is happening?” replied John, unable to believe that what he was seeing was real.

  “John!” Randy yelled in between his screams of pain. “John, call 911! Your mother’s trying to kill me, and there’s a bear here!” John ran to the phone. As he picked it up, he heard Randy yell “wait, no John! The police and paramedics work for NASA T! Call Jim down at the liquor store!”

  John dialed Jim’s number, his focus honed by his father’s cries. Jim answered, but upon realizing that it was once again the Osborne family calling he hung up the phone. Not knowing what else to do, John sprinted for the door. He collided with his mother at a sprint and they both went tumbling. He then scrambled to his feet and got the door open before Carol could stop him. The bear had Randy by the ankle, and was trying to drag him off the porch.

  Randy struggled and kicked the bear’s nose until it momentarily let go, then scurried into the house, unable to stand up straight. John swiftly shut the door behind him and locked it. Carol sat on the ground with a look of utter defeat.

  “Carol,” he said, “that was a good try. But it’s going to take a lot more than that to get rid of me.”

  And so the first of the three Great Sinners had committed their sin. Randy was brought to the hospital and fully recovered from his injuries. After three days he was released, and in three months Randy no longer walked with a limp.

  One day Randy asked John to come for a drive with him. Randy and John often went for drives and discussed NASA T and the flat earth. They could not discuss these topics in the house due to the wiretaps NASA T had planted, and also because they no longer trusted Carol with such sensitive information.

  Once they were safely in the car, Randy began to have the conversation with his son that he had been putting off for weeks. “I don’t blame your mother for what she did, John,” said Randy. “I blame NASA T’s propaganda and brainwashing. She thought she was doing the right thing. However, I have to leave soon. There’s something I have to do.”

  This frightened John. He did not want to be without his father. “Where are you going? Can’t I come with?”

  “No, John, I’m afraid it’s far too dangerous. You have to stay here.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m going to find the edge, son. I’m going to the edge of the Earth. I’ll take photos, and get those photos into your hands before NASA T is able to stop me. With those photos, John, you will go on to expose the truth to the world.”

  John was upset by this. He felt betrayed, abandoned. “What? You want me to just stay here with mom? You can’t leave me! You can’t!”

  “For a time,” Randy replied, “you have to stay with your mother. However, John, if I don’t come back, there will come a time for you to leave. You will know it when it comes. I don’t know how but you will know. The Lord will guide you.” Tears began streaming from Randy’s eyes. “And when it comes, you must leave and never look back. Seek out the shepherds who aided your mother and I during your birth. They’re good shepherds, John. Good people. They will help you.”

  “Okay, dad.”

  “I’m sorry, John, but even if NASA T kills me this is what I have to do. I know that you understand. And even if you don’t understand now, I know that someday you will.”

  The two of them drove back to the house. Randy dropped off John and drove away. John never saw his father again.