JOHN SMITH (V.O.)
"I know, I know--not another isekai. But hear me out. This isn’t your otaku’s isekai. In this isekai, I hunted down the hero from another world... and killed him."
EXT. TOKYO - DOWNTOWN - DAY
A man in his 30s, wearing an Armani suit, struts across the street. A white truck speeds toward him. The license plate reads “TRUCK?KUN.” The man leaps out of the way.
Above, on an overpass, another truck veers off and falls toward him. He Matrix?dodges it.
BAM! The truck pancakes into a building.
Terrified, he bolts. BAM! Out of nowhere, a truck slams into him. His contorted body crashes through a large glass window. The truck idles in front of the building, almost as if staring at him... then drives off.
INT. BUILDING - DAY
Bruised and bloodied, the man opens his eyes. He coughs up blood. He searches the dim room, finds a light switch, and flips it on.
MAN
(proclaims)
"I’m still alive, motherfucker."
The man stares at a large advertisement hanging on the wall: “Toyota All?Terrain Spring Sale.” Behind him, a room full of white Toyota trucks rev their engines. VROOM. VROOM.
MAN
"God damn it!"
PRESENT DAY -- ANOTHER WORLD
INT. NPI OFFICE - DAY
Beams of light leak through cracks in decrepit wooden walls. A dusty suit of armor stands in the back of the stuffy office. The pungent odor of horse shit and stale wine assaults the senses.
HIRO (17 in this world, 35 in his past life) sits on a make-shift wine?barrel chair. He’s the most generic isekai protagonist imaginable: black hair with V?shaped bangs and a trench coat that screams, “I’m edgy, brah.” Hiro stands and SLAMS his hands on the table.
HIRO
"Next thing I knew, I was speaking to a goddess--"
JOHN SMITH (30s), a generic blonde NPC with expensive taste in clothes he can’t afford, jolts awake in his throne?like chair.
JOHN SMITH
"I'll get you your money!"
HIRO
"Huh."
JOHN SMITH
(relieved)
"Thank god. Just another wannabe hero."
He scoops up the coins and locks them in a tiny box hidden under a helmet.
HIRO
"Yeah, I told you I'm Hiro from another world."
John opens his third bottle of wine today and tops off his goblet.
JOHN SMITH
“Hero” is a bit presumptuous. If you cast a fireball outside, you’d hit some self?absorbed jerk?off from another world calling himself a hero..."
He glides his hand over the novels on his shelf.
JOHN SMITH
"There's the douche with the sword, the douche with the shield, and the weeb who reincarnated into a piece of crap--"
HIRO
"I believe it was slime."
A MAN leading a horse peeks through the window.
MAN WITH HORSE
"I'm a Hero and I was looking for the Adventurer Guild's horse stable."
JOHN SMITH
"(to Hiro)
Like I said.
(to the Hero and points at Hiro)
Does he look like a horse?"
The man's horse takes a shit.
JOHN SMITH
"Hey! This isn’t your horse’s toilet. It's my place of work."
MAN WITH HORSE
"Sorry! I’ll clean it up. Do you happen--"
JOHN SMITH
"Get the hell out of here!"
HIRO
"That's great. You have a lot of experience writing isekai. Will you help me write my biography?"
JOHN SMITH
"I'm a serious writer. I don't write Isekai...
(sips wine, whispers)
...anymore."
HIRO
"Please. I'll pay you double your normal rate. Five coins? Ten coins?"
JOHN SMITH
"You think my time is worth a measly ten coins."
He takes another sip.
HIRO
"I can't go higher than fifteen gold coins."
John spits wine everywhere.
JOHN SMITH
"G?g?gold?"
Hiro turns towards the exit.
HIRO
"If fifteen isn't enough, I guess I'll have to find someone else."
JOHN SMITH
"Whoa! You didn’t let me finish. I don’t write gimmicky isekai trash. I write isekai novellas."
HIRO
"No-vella?"
JOHN SMITH
"It's Spanish for novel."
HIRO
"What?"
JOHN SMITH
"I'll help you write your story."
HIRO
"Thank you so much, Mr. Smith."
They shake on it.
JOHN SMITH
"Just call me John."
HIRO
"I'm going to tell everyone how great NPC is."
John slaps a poster on the wall:
“Noble Private Investigator and More”
Logo: NP with an eye symbol.
Small print beneath it, barely visible.
JOHN SMITH
"It's not NPC. It's NPI."
HIRO
"Sorry. By the way, do you have a map of the East dungeon?"
John opens a large chest.
JOHN SMITH
"Give me one moment."
Hiro eyes the suit of armor.
HIRO
"Are you an S class adventurer?"
JOHN SMITH
"If 'S' stands for shit. What's the lowest class for an adventurer?"
HIRO
"'D' Class."
JOHN SMITH
"I was a 'D' Class adventurer in my past life."
HIRO
"But this armor--"
JOHN SMITH
"--Was given to me by an old man. Here you go."
He hands Hiro a map.
HIRO
"Thanks."
JOHN SMITH
"That’ll be one bron-- (catches himself)
--bright gold coin. Let’s schedule time to discuss your novella. What do you go by again?"
HIRO
"Hiro."
JOHN SMITH
"Funny. Haha. What would you like me to call you?"
HIRO
"Like... a hero name?"
JOHN SMITH
"Sure."
HIRO
"I’ve been called “Smartphone Hero.”
JOHN SMITH
"Sure. Let's go with that. So when are you available?"
HIRO
"Let me check my schedule..."
He pulls out a flip phone and clicks through the menu.
HIRO
"How about next Thursday?"
JOHN SMITH
"What the hell is that?"
HIRO
"Thursday? Oh. It's my smartphone."
JOHN SMITH
"That's not a smartphone. That's a gimmick."
EXT. NPC OFFICE BUILDING - CONTINUOUS
KNOCK! KNOCK!
One of the chains holding the NPI sign snaps. It hangs vertically from the NPI office building.
INT. NPC OFFICE - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
JOE SMITH (18), a bald man with jet black facial hair in a blacksmith apron, knocks on the office door.
JOE
"John. Where's my money?"
INT. NPC OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
JOHN SMITH
(whispers)
"Shit!"
EXT. NPC OFFICE - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Joe jiggles the knob. Locked. He kicks the door open.
INT. NPC OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Joe scans the empty office. He spots a wine bottle and a goblet. He tops it off and waits. He eyes the propped?up suit of armor and rips a fart so foul it makes horse shit smell like roses.
Joe browses the novels on the shelf. A cover catches his eye—busty women in skimpy bikini armor.
He sits, opens the book, and stares at the fan-service illustrations.
CLINK. CLINK.
Joe looks up at the armor. Stares. Goes back to reading. After finishing his wine, he stuffs the novel into the back of his pants and leaves.
The armor lifts its visor. It’s John, holding his breath.
He cracks the door open to air out the office. He accidentally inhales and chokes on lingering fart particles.
INT. HORSE STALL - CONTINUOUS
Joe pees in the horse stall next to the NPI office. He hears coughing and turns to see John.
JOE SMITH
(still peeing)
"God dam it. Where's my rent money?"
John bolts.
Still peeing, Joe chases after him.
JOE
"Stop."
The armor weighs John down.
Joe holds his pants up with one hand and the stolen novel under his arm as he pursues.
EXT. NPI OFFICE BUILDING - CONTINUOUS
John turns the corner, running along the side of the office building. He steps in the horse shit that the adventurer promised to clean up earlier.
Joe turns the corner. He loses John but follows the trail of shit in the shape of footsteps.
EXT. ADVENTURERS GUILD - CONTINUOUS
John slog?runs up the steps and slips inside, hoping to blend in with the crowd.
Joe heads toward the guild.
INT. ADVENTURERS GUILD - RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS
John hides at a back table, scanning for Joe.
Hiro searches for a seat and approaches a table of C?Rank adventurers.
HiRO
"Do you mind if..."
C CLASS ADVENTURER
"We're holding this seat for a fellow adventurer."
Hiro nods and moves on. He spots a familiar suit of armor.
HIRO
"Is that you?"
JOHN SMITH
(in a low octave)
"Sorry. I don't know you."
Joe enters the restaurant.
HIRO
"That armor is the same--"
John clamps a hand over Hiro’s mouth.
JOHN SMITH
"Be quiet and come with me."
They slip into the adjacent room.
INT. COLLECTIONS and JOB LISTING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Joe questions a guild clerk.
JOE
"Have you seen a man in old?style armor pass by?"
The clerk points to the side door.
EXT. ADVENTURERS GUILD - CONTINUOUS
Joe looks right, then left. He spots the suit of armor and tackles it.
JOE
"You bastard!"
He rips off the helmet--revealing Hiro.
JOE
"What the--"
HIRO
"Hello."
Joe scans the bustling city of Springfield... No John in sight.
EXT. SPRINGFIELD - GATE ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS
Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.
A man in a black trench coat drives a horse cart toward the gate.
The guard recognizes him.
GATE GUARD
"What’s up, John. Nice treads."
Embrassed, John rolls his eyes at the compliment.
JOHN SMITH
"Hey. If Joe asks, you didn’t see me."
He tosses the guard a small bottle of wine.
JOHN SMITH
"Catch."
