“Why didn’t you save Vark?” Kelly demanded after Tizek let her go.

  I sighed. “Kelly? What did you think was going to happen?”

  “I heard the boss,” Kelly yelled. “You can go back and change the past. I wanted you to go save Vark!”

  “Kelly,” I admonished. “How was I supposed to know that? You just stabbed me out of nowhere the first time and threw a dagger into my eye the second time around.”

  A strange look crossed Kelly’s face. I new she wasn’t terribly bright and it was clear she hadn’t thought of that. “Can you go back and save Vark?”

  “I’m sorry, Kelly, that’s not how it works,” I replied.

  She began to suck in air rapidly and tears welled in her eyes. “You nobles are all the same. You don’t care.” She slumped to the ground against the wall and was struggling to control her emotions.

  This was going to take a while. I slid down the wall and sat next to her. The ground was absolutely filthy. Trash was strewn about and the trash bin smelled like a combination of sour beer and fermenting produce.

  My companions were surprised by my behavior, Tizek most of all. “My lord! You’ll get dirty.”

  I ignored him and turned to Kelly. “I’m not lying about this. I have no control over how this power works. When you killed me, I always returned to the same point earlier this morning. Before that, it was always three months ago to the day I was summoned.”

  “That means he won’t come back,” Kelly stated in a defeated tone. “What will happen to the children? Without their dad, they’ll turn out like me.”

  I was a little surprised by her words. “It sounded like Vark was a decent guy.”

  Kelly snorted. “He wasn’t a good man.”

  “It sounds like he cared about his children,” Void said. “I’m sure he wouldn’t have been so bad if he had a better—”

  “Oh shut up!” Kelly snapped, cutting Void off. “This is why you rich people are so annoying. You think we’re all weak victims. Vark wasn’t poor. He came from a rich family. He just liked being a criminal. He chose it!”

  Void backed away in shock and quieted. The words threw me off as well. Then the little twitch in my chest returned, the one I had when I harmed someone else. “Do you want to talk about him?”

  Her eyes snapped to mine. “Why? So you can mock him?”

  I put my hands up. “No. I’m actually a little surprised you two were together. You were always insulting each other.”

  “How would you know?” Kelly snarled.

  “I’m a time looper. I’ve seen it before,” I responded gently.

  Kelly’s glare softened slightly. “Why should I talk?”

  “Because you look like you need an ear right now.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  I sighed. “Kelly? I’m sorry.”

  Everyone was confused by my words. Void had her contemplative look on her face while Tizek was working his jaw like he wanted to say something. Lia was…I couldn’t tell because of the cloth she had over her face like a mask, but based on her eyes, she was wondering what I was up to.

  Kelly was the most surprised. “You already said you can’t bring Vark back.”

  I shook my head. “Not because of that. Honestly, if I could pick when to go back, I wouldn’t want to go through the battle again. We barely won that time around and it was the best hope of beating the bigger threat.”

  I could see rage building in Kelly again before she closed her eyes and started counting. She messed up and skipped a few numbers along the way. “Vark said to count if I got mad. Was it that bad?”

  I nodded. “It was.”

  Kelly looked down at the trash on the ground she was sitting in with me. “Then what are you sorry for?”

  I leaned against the wall and looked up to the sky. There were a few white clouds drifting by. It was serene. “Because of how I thought of you and the others. During the lead-up to the fight, I was contemplating letting Lisa and the rest of you do all the hard work while I ran away with Void, Lia and Tizek.”

  I closed my eyes and ran my hand across my face. I had forgotten I was sitting in muck and smeared some across my nose. Damn, it really smelled awful. “I thought of you as disposable. Many times in the fight, my mind referred to you all as goons. You were nothing more than faceless criminals and your deaths didn’t bother me.”

  “I never thought of you as people. Talking to you, seeing your pain, it made me realize I’ve become callous about life and death,” I said and turned to her. “Now I’m seeing the impact of what I had to do. How many parents, spouses and children were harmed by that loss? I can’t and won’t change what happened, but I realize I need to respect you and treat you like people, not convenient plot devices.”

  Kelly’s mind spent a few minutes milling on that kernel in silence. The emotions crossing her face were a complex kaleidoscope. “You’re a noble. It’s normal not to care.”

  I chuckled. “I’m no noble. I was given this title yesterday. At home? I was a rural redneck who happened to teach at a university. I don’t even like wearing fancy suits. So, do you want to talk about Vark? I’m willing to listen if you need it.”

  Kelly pulled her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around her shins. Staring at the ground, her whiskers twitched a few times. “Vark came from a rich family. I don’t know how they got so rich. He said his dad counts ants and his mom goes into the sewers and adjust things.”

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  The rest of us were really confused by what Kelly just said. I worked the words over in my mind a few times and realized what she meant. “You mean his dad is an accountant and his mom is an insurance adjuster?”

  Kelly nodded. “That’s what I said.” I didn’t feel like correcting her.

  Kelly continued. “He was always getting kicked out of school for fighting. He said he liked it.”

  “Did his parents disown him?” Lia asked behind her mask.

  Kelly shook her head. “No. His parents were always trying to find him help. They sent him to doctors to fix his anger. It never worked. He eventually ran away to the slums. Said he belonged there. His parents still send letters trying to get him to come home and visit. Vark never did.”

  “My family wasn’t so nice,” Kelly continued after scratching at her ankle. “They were from the laborer’s section. They sent me to the public school and I never understood. The words always wiggled on the page and never stood still. I didn’t understand any of it. It made me frustrated and I got into fights when the other kids made fun of me.”

  Sounds like she’s dyslexic. I held my tongue on that since it wouldn’t contribute any to the conversation. Besides, it’s her time to speak.

  “I failed out of the school and my parents made me do odd jobs before I turned 16. They signed me up for the army after,” Kelly said. “I hated it. The officers kept calling me stupid and I got mad when they gave me orders. I was kicked out of there, too, after I punched a Sergeant.”

  Her face scowled. “Dad and mom disowned me after that. I haven’t seen them since I showed up with my discharge papers. Ended up in the slums after that.”

  Her face abruptly changed to a smile. “It was a week later when I met Vark. I was in a cheap tavern when he bumped into me at the bar. I spilled my beer and demanded he buy me another one. He told me to shove a broomstick up my hole. I pushed him and he laid me out with a punch. It was love at first sight.”

  I couldn’t help chuckling at the story. “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you. It’s a cute story.”

  “We were together a lot from there. Joined the Gully Jack organization and, a few years later, hooked up with Hespeth and Bayle. We had our kids and Vark even tried to teach me to read. Didn’t work, though he did get us into the Exterminator's Guild,” Kelly continued. “He was real smart and we got our first Advancement before Vark got us kicked out for fighting with an administrator.”

  Kelly sighed deeply and held back a sob. “He really loved the kids. Always doted on them and made sure they were taking their schooling seriously.”

  “You sure he wasn’t a good man?” I asked. “Hard to believe a bad person would care that much about kids.”

  Kelly chuckled. “He once told me he liked being bad. Said bad people can do whatever they want, even be nice. Nice people have to be nice. He said if a bad person is good to you, it means he really likes you.”

  “That sounds stupid,” Tizek blurted out. I gave him a glare at his rude interruption.

  Kelly, instead of being insulted, laughed. “I know. He was always so smart then he said something stupid like that.”

  “Know what I think? I think Vark was lying to himself. He had some good in him,” I said.

  Kelly’s claw poked at a box on the ground. “How would you know? You’re nice, so you’re just saying that to be nice.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t believe people are inherently one or the other. I can do mean things, too, like not care when I kill a criminal in an alley. We’re more complex than being all good or all bad. Even you have good in you.”

  Kelly’s brow furrowed and her feline pupils narrowed. “I’m in a gang. I’m bad.”

  “Yet the first thing on your mind when you asked me if I could bring Vark back wasn’t you, it was your children and their future. A bad person wouldn’t think of others first,” I replied.

  Kelly picked up the box piece and started poking at the cardboard. Even in a fantasy world, there was corrugated trash in an alley.

  “How did he go?” I asked.

  Kelly’s eyes turned to the sky. “One of the cultists cast a fire arrow at me. I didn’t see it and Vark jumped in the way. I didn’t even have time to say goodbye.” Her eyes drifted back to mine, her glistening tears threatening to fully flow. “Did he really save our children?”

  I pointed in the direction of the abandoned mall. “Yesterday, a portal was going to open up there. A monster of unimaginable power was going to break through and destroy the entire world.”

  I could see perplexion on Kelly’s face when she followed my finger. “A portal was going to be on the wall?”

  I forgot she’s not the brightest. “No, above the abandoned mall. Vark was a hero. Now that I said that, I think he would have hated being called one.”

  A nostalgic smile grew on Kelly’s lips. “He would have.” Then the smile passed and grief filled her features.

  I reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder. “It’ll take time. If you need to talk more, I’m at The Gnashing Teeth.”

  Kelly nodded and stood up. She looked at the others and then back at me. “What am I going to do now?”

  “Have you thought about Vark’s parents?” I asked.

  She looked down at the ground once more. “I don’t think they’ll want me around.”

  I sighed. “Based on what you said, they’re not the kinds of people who would turn you away. Tell them about Vark and introduce their grandchildren. They at least deserve to know what happened to their son.”

  “I’ll try,” Kelly squeaked out. Then her tears started to flow in earnest.

  I couldn’t help myself. I drew her into my shoulder and she leaned her face into my shirt. She sobbed hard for a few long minutes, soaking my shirt and leaving snot all over the cloth. I didn’t mind.

  As she processed her grief, I took a look at my companions. All three of them had new looks of respect in their eyes for me. Here I was, in my unbuttoned shirt, booty jean shorts soaked with who knows what from the cobblestones and pink boots letting a hardened criminal cry her eyes out on my shoulder. It’s certainly a different sight from the usual goof who likes to make jokes.

  Kelly eventually peeled away and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her simple work shirt. “Thank you.”

  I smiled at her. “Any time. Do you want some company back to the main street?”

  Kelly shook her head. “No. I need some time alone.”

  “Don’t forget to go to Vark’s parents,” I said.

  She nodded. “After I change my clothes.” Afterwards, she surprised me one more time by giving a hug to very a very confused Void, Tizek and Lia. We had just gone from her trying to kill me to a grateful goodbye.

  I sighed when Kelly was no longer in view. “This is going to be painful.”

  “What?” Void asked.

  “We’re going to have to do this every time we loop,” I said. I had a feeling this was going to be important and my mind was already setting myself up to make sure we had a good outcome if we stumbled on the solution. The others looked grim at the thought of making this alley a regular stop for the next who knows how long.

  “I’m surprised you didn’t mention how many times you lost us,” Void said. “It could have helped her trust you more.”

  I shook my head. “It wasn’t about me. This was about Kelly. Bringing up my trauma wouldn’t come off as being relatable. I didn’t want to hijack her grief by talking about myself.”

  I slapped my face to get myself out of the funk and looked at the others. “Thanks for coming to help out.”

  Lia reached out to touch me, then she abruptly stopped short. “I want to give you a hug for being so nice, but you stink.”

  I looked down at myself. There was a growing wet spot on my rear that made me look like I had shit myself. I groaned. “Great. Time to hit the baths.”

  “And we need to get you new clothing,” Void added.

  “Never!” I shouted and gripped my sleeveless torn shirt. Then another gust of wind blew down the alley, causing me to shiver. I’ll never admit it’s too cold.

  “I like my lord’s attire,” Tizek helpfully stated.

  Lia rolled her eyes. “Of course you do. You’d rather go around without a shirt all day.”

  I grinned at Lia. She was starting to come around and the personality I loved from her was beginning to break through again. I ruffled in my sack from the apothecary, which had also gotten soggy when I accidentally set it on the ground, and extracted the hair growth tonic. I handed it to Lia. “Here. I figure you want to get this applied as soon as possible.”

  Lia took the bottle from me, looked it over, then wiped some of the residual alley goop on my shirt. I gave her a glare, which she returned with a friendly grin, or at least what I thought was a grin peeking through her towel mask. “Thanks, big bro! What are you thinking of doing now?”

  I tired to grab Void to pull her into my side, but she was too fast to avoid my filthy body. “There’s something a long time coming. Void? Wanna go to the carnival? I still owe you a stuffed rabbit.”

  Void figuratively started glowing at the suggestion. “Yes!”

  Not only that, Tizek and Lia were looking at me with anticipation. “Can I go, too?” Lia asked. Tizek followed on with a rapid nod.

  “I don’t know—” I started.

  Void cut me off. “Of course. All four of us can go.”

  “What about your face, Lia?” I asked.

  She removed the towel and applied some of the tonic. It looked a lot like sunscreen. She reapplied her towel after she rubbed it in. “They sell masks at the carnival. I’ll need something better while the fur grows back.”

  I gestured down the alley toward the Jumpvine Way apothecary and started to walk. The others joined with me. “Alright. What kind of mask are you looking for?”

  Lia looked down bashfully as she walked. “The butterfly one.”

  “What? Really?” I gaped.

  “I thought you knew everything about me,” Lia responded.

  I chuckled. “It never came up. Besides, I’ll never truly know everything. It’s fun learning new things about your loved ones.”

  “Even me, my lord?” Tizek asked.

  I patted him on the shoulder, which he didn’t try to dodge to avoid my filth. “Yes, even you.” That made him very happy.

  “Isn’t the carnival the other way?” Void asked as we walked down the alley.

  “It is, but we still have to buy some Philo’s Potency for Doun,” I said.

  Void blanched when she thought of her parents having sex. Then realization dawned on her face. “Wait, dad didn’t ask this loop.”

  I shrugged. “Guess it’ll be a surprise then.”

  “Alright, but give me the coins,” Void said and held out her hand.

  “Why?” I asked as we turned the corner and followed the road in front of a few more taverns, dance halls and a weirdly placed childcare center.

  Her fingers flexed to indicate I needed to put a coin in her palm. “Because you need to go to the baths. You’re not going into an honest business smelling like that. Besides, it’ll be easier to buy things when the shopkeepers aren’t trying to give their wares to you for free.”

  I dropped my money pouch into Void’s hand after extracting a few coins for the baths. I was dreading figuring out how to pay them without the attendants trying to give me free services. “Fine. I’ll meet you three at the carnival later.”

  “I’ll join my lord to protect him at the baths,” Tizek yipped excitedly.

  “Then that’s a plan. The Baron and his knight will go clean up and we’ll buy Void’s dad some dick pills,” Lia snickered. Void placed a hand over her face in embarrassment now that even more people knew her parents were going to enjoy sexy time tonight.

  We split and went in different directions once our plan was solidified. It had started out as a rather rough day, but I was feeling good. I helped a grieving woman in need and we were about to go to the carnival. We didn’t get to spend much time as a group this last loop, so I was looking forward to it.