An interesting thing about being stuck in a time loop is not just the things one ends up paying attention to, but also the things one tunes out. One of the noises of daily life I learned to ignore were all the kids selling newsprint in the mornings. When you lived the same three months thousands of times, the headlines aren’t something you put much mental effort listening to.

  Now, at the crossroad between Fire Alley, the street The Gnashing Teeth was located on, and Spindle Boulevard, one of the large arteries of Leoren, I stopped to listen to the different kids competing to sell their news agency’s paper.

  The noise was overwhelming. I had a hard time cutting through the different voices vying for attention. Nine kids representing the nine major news vendors and four more trying to push obscure pages were shouting headlines. All of them were similar.

  I scanned the line and my eyes landed on the Vialina Digest. The headline read “House of Stewart First New Noble House in Centuries” in large print. If my picture accompanied the article, it was hidden behind the fold in the stack.

  When I walked up to the news vendors, they fell silent. I was feeling self-conscious at the sudden attention. Usually, my antics would suffice for a day or two of gossip before everyone realized how boring I was. Hopefully this, too, would die down. I had a bad feeling it wasn’t going to be the case this time around.

  I went up to the kid selling the Vialina Digest, a young ram-clan boy. His horn nubs were just starting to come in, telling me he was around 10 years in age. I picked up one of the papers, pulled a copper Sovereign out of my coin pouch and handed it to him.

  The boy, wide eyed, stared at the coin like I was trying to hand him a Coastal Ratcatcher. The kid adamantly refused to accept payment for the paper. When he didn’t take the coin, I just dropped it into the box he had next to him.

  I walked away from the silent row of newsies with Void. I turned to her, “That was strange.”

  Void didn’t register what I just said. She was huffing to push away another wave of nausea. We stopped at the same bench she sat on before I crossed the street to give her a rest. This time, I started paying attention to the traffic again.

  To my left, I saw the bison cart flying down the road. The driver had the animals in a good charge as he weaved through the other carts on the road. Even this world had those asswipes who didn’t understand driving faster didn’t really get you to your destination noticeably faster.

  One of the big reasons why faster driving didn’t help manifested when I heard a shrill whistle followed by a shout. “You there! Stop!”

  I looked down the street and, predictably, the cart driver was stopped by a pair of patrol Guards. He had jumped down from the cart and was grumbling while opening his coin pouch. Not only were the Guards going to waste all his time, the driver was getting shaken down to avoid heading to court.

  With that, I was once more back in uncharted territory. I sat on the bench with Void enjoying the day. Then a gust of wind blew down the street and I shivered. “Dang, it’s starting to get cold.”

  “It’s Shimmerleaf. The air gets colder. Maybe we should get you a real shirt,” Void said through gasps. Shimmerleaf is the local version of October, my dear imaginary audience.

  I gripped my unbuttoned shirt. “No! We’ve been through so much together!” It was only a half-joke. I literally, in centuries, hadn’t worn anything else, save Void’s server uniform a few days ago. It was like a second skin.

  Void waved me off. “We aren’t throwing it away. You don’t have fur and you’ll need something warmer. I need a few more minutes.”

  Her last words were followed by some more deep breaths. I patted her on the back before leaning back, crossing my legs and unfolding the paper. I wish this world had a coffee so I can look like a distinguished gentleman reading the news on a bench.

  Under the headline announcing my unwilling ascendency to a new noble household was my photo. I frowned when I looked at it. The newspaper got a hold of my Exterminator’s Guild ID photo. The Guild image crystal had a fish eye effect, making me look at least 10kg heavier and I had a few strands of hair standing up on the top of my head.

  The worst part was my expression. I could see why Lia was hesitant at the start of that loop. I had an almost manic expression on my face. Eyes wide, I had a strange, toothy smile as I stared at the camera. My pupils were also slightly dilated. Now anyone who hadn’t seen me wandering around town will know me as a crazed person.

  Beneath my photo were a few articles. One of them read “49th Noble Household Disrupts Low Council Balance of Power”. I won’t go into too many details right now, but the governance structure is split between a Low Council and a High Council. There are four ranks of nobility in the Low Council. With me, there are 49 Barons, 24 Fenisans, 12 Counts and 6 Talbars.

  The Council acts as a sort of parliament. However, votes aren’t equal. Barons have one vote, Fenisans’ are worth three, Counts 15 and Talbars 75. This allows for higher rank nobles to override lower rank decisions. If every Baron, Fenisan and Count votes in favor of a policy, 2/3 of Talbars can override the whole thing.

  The next step is heading up to the High Council, which is the 6 Dukes and the King. Each Duke has one vote and the King has 4. With 5 Dukes, they can force a tie against the King which then goes to the Crown Prince as a tie breaker.

  There are also the careful coalitions formed. Each Duke has a Talbar under his chain of command who have lower ranked nobles evenly split. While the Low Council is formally independent voting, none of the nobles will break ranks with their higher level patron.

  Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

  My existence throws a spanner in the carefully crafted system. Whoever pulls me into their orbit is going to have a subtle advantage over his peers. I really wasn’t looking forward to the power politics at my expense.

  Another article was an opinion piece regarding my ascendency. The author, someone writing under a pen name of Onyx Tortoise, is questioning what makes me special to form an entire new noble house. The opinion piece believes I’m entirely unsuited for becoming part of the kingdom’s ruling class and is wondering why the other five aren’t getting the same treatment. Damu’s potential adoption in to an heirless Count’s house doesn’t disrupt the apple cart.

  Frankly, I’m agreeing with Mr. Tortoise. I have no idea why the Crown Prince insisted on me becoming a new noble household or why the King agreed to it. He even had to have had a Duke sign off based on the power dynamics of the High Council.

  Of course, none of this was why I got a paper. While I avoided it during my time in this world, I wasn’t completely ignorant of the political structure, just the finer details of everything else about it. Politics bored me to tears, unless it involved College Football Playoff rankings. While I couldn’t remember the school name anymore, I do remember the 2017 squad got screwed out of a playoff spot by that nonsense.

  I flipped through the pages further in. Advertising, more advertising, even more advertising, an article on Duke Boiland holding an auction, another advertisement, an article about sightings of chipmunk-clan and bobcat-clan scout incursions form Daulien, another advertisement. Finally, I ran across the article in question.

  Only three paragraphs, and without pictures, it discussed a brutal gangland slaying of a minor crime lord in the slums. The body was decapitated, skinned and hung upside-down from a lamp post. The article is saying no suspects are known.

  I knew better. This was Lisa. News of her identity reveal, which was leaked by Crown Prince Johann, combined with her substantial loss of personnel in the cistern weakened the Gully Jack crime syndicate. Lisa was relying on fear tactics to keep her rivals in-check.

  “You’re scowling,” Void said to me.

  I tapped the paper. “Lisa’s getting more dangerous. I know Hespeth and her crew are trying to avoid trouble, but I’m starting to think sending them to watch us is a shot across the bow.”

  “She knows you’ll just loop back if she kills you,” Void said, her voice steady after her latest nausea bout passed.

  “She doesn’t know about you three,” I stated with worry.

  Void stood. “Come on, let’s not worry about it too much. We have a few things to get.”

  “You’re right.” I stood and offered my arm, which Void happily hooked hers onto. We made sure to double check both ways before we crossed the street.

  We entered the apothecary and were greeted by the typical shop interior. Images of products graced the walls and stands while podiums held information books on products for sale. Nothing was out on a shelf. Leoren was, unfortunately, a low trust society. Shopkeepers never left anything out within reach since there was a high probability someone will swipe it and run off.

  The shopkeeper, a wolverine-clan man, was wearing a collared shirt and slacks. Many of the shop owners around the city, such as Armond at Exterminator’s Excitement, wore similar garb. The members of the Merchant’s Guild thought it made them look distinguished. It reminded me of bland big box uniforms from back home.

  There were four other customers in the apothecary when we arrived. When we did, the entire place went dead silent. Once more, I was the center of attention when I arrived.

  Ignoring the treatment, I walked over to one of the catalogs and began flipping through it. They had everything we were looking for in the book, though the hair growth tonic price was a steep 20 silver. It was worth it to keep Lia happy. After this, I’ll check around town to see if anyone sells it for less for future loops.

  I walked to the counter and asked the owner for my items. He bowed and disappeared to the back while I fished my coins out of my pouch.

  He returned with two. “Sorry, Baron, but we’re out of Philo’s Potency in embernut. I have it in cewnana flavor.”

  I turned to Void. She winced “Dad hates cewnana.”

  I sighed. “Do you happen to know if anyone else has some?”

  The man nodded. “Yes, Baron. If you go down Spindle toward the castle four streets to Jumpvine Way, head east. You’ll find another apothecary two more streets down on the left.”

  “Thanks, my good man,” I replied.

  The shopkeeper slipped the hair growth tonic and the citrus nausea medication into a paper sack and slid it across the counter to me. “Is there anything else you need, Baron?”

  That was strange, he didn’t ask me for payment and gave me the bag. I counted out the 20 silver and 25 copper, which I remembered from the catalog. When I handed them out, he stared at it and he had a worried look on his face.

  I felt a tug on my sleeve. My attention was turned to Void who then whispered to me. “You’re a Noble now. He doesn’t want to be seen charging you.”

  Remember when I said I didn’t pay much attention to politics? This is apparently something I was completely ignorant of. “Why?”

  Void looked at the people in the shop then back to me. “You’re the government here. Nobles normally send slaves to do the shopping to avoid the problem.”

  I groaned and turned to the people in the shop. I noticed one, a deer-clan woman, had a slave collar on. They were all staring at me, seeing what I’d do. “Money is for nothing, chicks for free,” I muttered.

  “I don’t know why you’d want chickens,” Void said, “but, yes, I’m sure a farmer will just give them to you.”

  I returned my attention to the shopkeeper and thought a second. I couldn’t just steal this man’s wares. One of my professor friends from the Accounting Department at the university explained to me once about sales margins. Retail outlets had low margins, meaning if something wasn’t paid for, it took nearly 5x in revenue just to make up for its loss. It meant if I walked out with these items, the shop had to sell a gold worth of goods to compensate.

  My mind spun on how I could create a favorable outcome. Then an old video game I played as a kid wormed its way into my memory. I dramatically pointed to the back room and shouted. “By the Grand Creator! It’s a three-headed monkey!”

  “What?” the shopkeeper turned to look into the back room of his shop. “What are you pointing at? And what’s a mun-kay?”

  While his back was turned, I discretely dropped the coins on the floor on the shopkeeper’s side of the counter. The jingling noise brought his attention back to me. He looked puzzled at the pile of coins on the ground.

  “Sorry, I was just seeing things. Say, I think you have a hole in your pocket. 20 silver and 25 copper Sovereigns fell out when you spun around,” I said in my best nonchalant voice, which is about as believable as a three-headed monkey manifesting in an apothecary storeroom.

  The shopkeeper’s eyes widened in realization and he gave me a relieved nod. “Why, thank you, Baron. I can’t have those coins cluttering the floor. Silly me. I hope you have a good day.”

  Three of the four patrons in the shop seemed to approve of what I did. I guess nobles in this nation were used to just taking things. The fourth, the deer-clan slave, didn’t know how to react.

  When we left, Void hooked her arm around mine and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. In public of all places. She smiled. “You’re too wonderful.”

  I chuckled. “I know.”

  “I’m also engaged to a humble man,” Void responded sarcastically.

  I grinned. “I know. I’m amazing at being humble. Incredible. The best in the world if I’m being honest. No one is humbler than me.”

  Void snorted and slapped my shoulder playfully.

  We continued on our way to Jumpvine Way and turned the corner. There, we were greeted by a giant protest. An anti-slavery demonstration was going on and clogging the way down the street. The group was made up of teenagers and, based on their clothing, they were members of the upper class. Which made sense, middle and lower class kids didn’t have the spare time to demonstrate in public.

  “I’m surprised I haven’t seen one of these in a while,” Void commented.

  “I knew where they’d show up and I’ve been guiding everyone around them to save time.” I nodded to a side alley which would take us around the congestion. “Come on, let’s head through there.”

  We made our way into the alley and turned around the corner of a courier service office. When we did, I was hit hard from behind and I fell to the ground. Before I could yell out, I felt a wooden blade slip into my neck and my world went dark.

  A new day dawned to chirping birds calling out to the world from the branches of The Gnashing Teeth’s building. The dim light of early morning reflecting off the neighboring tree peeked through the room’s shutters and rose me from my slumber.

  My eyes then turned to gaze at Void. Her sleeping form was splayed out upon my chest as she breathed in and out with a contented rhythm. Her cheek fluff had, once more, tangled into a nest of slobber and nits as she moved about in her drool upon my chest. A slight pungent odor of Void’s morning breath assaulted my nose.

  I looked over at my hand, the one that, moments ago, was holding the paper sack with Lia’s hair growth tonic and Void’s nausea mediation. It was wrapped around Void’s bare body, devoid of my wares.

  I sighed. “Fuck.”