Chapter Fifty-Nine: As When First Met

  There is only one chapter today, being busy with work is one reason, and another is that this chapter is harder to write.

  I read the review section and felt a bit heartbroken. You guys underestimated me too much! I painstakingly portrayed her just to abuse her? How is that possible!! As I said before, this is a feel-good novel, and I keep my promises. This goal won't change.

  Thank you for the rewards from Song Bing Shu, Royyi, Jian Mie Shen Feng and Ling Hong Yan Wei Lao Jun Xian Si four classmates. Thank you for the evaluation vote from Jian Mie Shen Feng classmate. Thank you for the update reminder from Yi Qiao Yu Meng Bai classmate!

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  It's daytime!

  The hotel bedroom, a large double bed, a beam of sunlight that had slipped through the gap in the curtains crept slowly up his forehead, and he opened his eyes in the faint heat.

  When he got up, the sunbeam brought warmth all the way down, and he stared at the wall opposite him, dazed for a while. The initial bed's dullness lingered in his head, then went to the bathroom to scoop up some cold water and splash it on his face before waking up a bit.

  He turned on the faucet to let out hot water, and as he waited, he stood in front of the washbasin, wiping away the mist from the mirror, gazing at his reflection. Memories in his mind were jumping around, like they weren't real, a movie projected onto a screen, occasionally flickering unclearly. In the deep darkness of night, amidst the cold wind blowing gently, her trembling voice was lingering, surrounded by the flow of people, with the scent of takoyaki wafting through the air. But as he recalled that moment, the entire world seemed to have lost its color, becoming black and white, blurry, leaving only the two of them clear, she embracing him from behind, not giving him a chance to refuse, saying those words that took on all the sorrow, her confession.

  She slightly lowered her head, and the soft pajamas rubbed against her back in this movement, where there seemed to be a lingering dampness from last night's tears.

  It seemed that she saw again, on the way back, she in the wind and the gently swaying fallen leaves, raised her tear-stained face, and softly asked him: "Can... we still be friends?"

  The neon lights illuminated the tears, making them sparkle. He didn't respond, but looked at her with a faint, yet desolate smile. Silently, he turned around, his shadow stretching long under the streetlights, as he walked alone, extending into the darkness beside the road.

  In fact, only he himself knew that when she asked that question, he was actually hesitant. His usual decisiveness was almost completely overwhelmed by her tears. For a moment, his rationality was almost dominated by impulse, and he agreed to that insignificant request.

  In the end, sentimentality did not prevail, and years of cultivating calmness led him to choose what he thought was the most suitable answer.

  But why does it feel so heavy in my chest now, as if breathing is difficult?

  The bathtub behind him was already filled with hot water, and the mist rose and spread out. The sound of overflowing water pulled him away from the scene of his memories.

  "An Junhe... stop daydreaming!"

  He shook his head and said to himself, then took off his pajamas, stepped into the bathtub, slowly sat down, sank to the bottom of the pool, and let the warm water flow completely surround him.

  A new day begins like this.

  Today is the last day of promotion in Japan, and it's also the day when Tokyo TV broadcasts the finale of "Sorry, I Love You". The week-long promotion has been driving up ratings, and the TV station, which had high expectations to begin with, is now burning with ambition, hoping that the finale's ratings will secure its position as the champion of the first half of 2005.

  So the last day's schedule is extremely busy, with variety shows, meet-and-greets, street promotions and more, all of which will be broadcast continuously throughout the day. TVBS itself will also make an exception once again, broadcasting their activities in the news segment, and in the evening, they will even leave a live interview for Ahn Jun-hee, who has the highest popularity. By using these methods, they want to use every possible means to draw the audience's attention to the golden time slot of "Sorry, I Love You".

  He got up, washed and dressed, and then Quan Baogen was found by the TV station's reception staff. They accompanied him to the canteen on the first floor for breakfast while explaining the things he needed to pay attention to during today's activities. Soon, other main creators also rushed over, but Lin Xiujing was missing!

  "She seems to be feeling unwell and won't make it for today's schedule."

  Gwon Bo-seon, who had already received the news from the reception staff, shrugged his shoulders and replied to Zhang Gen-shuo and Xu Zhiying's inquiry.

  "How can she suddenly feel unwell? She was fine yesterday!" Xu Zhiying scratched her head in confusion, then looked at Ahn Jun-hee who remained silent: "Jun-hee, you live on the same floor as Soo-jung, is she sick? Is it serious?"

  What surprised her was that An Junhe, who had always been very dignified in his demeanor, seemed to be absent-minded today, only mechanically drinking soup spoon by spoon, with a distracted expression.

  She gently kicked him, and as he suddenly woke up with a puzzled gaze, she repeated what she had just said, and worriedly asked: "Hey, you're not sick too, are you?"

  “……I'm fine.” An Junhe shook his head and didn't say anything more, leaving Xu Zhiying with a puzzled expression. But she was used to being carefree and soon stopped thinking about it, starting to chatter on about what she had done the day before during her break, like where she had gone and what she had bought.

  An Junhe, who occasionally responded to her with a few words, seemed to have regained his composure and was no longer distracted. It was as if the absent-mindedness he had shown earlier had never happened, and everything was back to normal.

  But he alone knew that his heart was in turmoil.

  Hearing that she was unwell, I couldn't help but feel a little worried and wanted to call her to ask about it, but my hand touched the phone and slowly pulled back.

  Maybe she's not uncomfortable physically, but in her heart...

  Such thoughts weighed heavily on his chest. He smiled wryly, hadn't he considered this when he chose to refuse her before? It's better to suffer a short pain than a long one, cutting off the relationship cleanly and not dragging it out, then leaving it to time to heal, no matter how deep the wound in his heart was, it would eventually recover. This was still better than letting her waste her youth waiting for an emotion that would never be reciprocated.

  He was so convinced in his heart, but when these logical and correct reasons for doing things gradually emerged in his mind, he found that he couldn't be at peace!

  I don't know why... completely can't understand... thinking has fallen into a dead loop... stuck!

  Many doubts emerged in my mind, filling up more and more, many memories also rushed up in disorder, intersecting with complex thoughts, finally, suddenly freezing on a scene.

  That was several months ago when I just entered the crew.

  A cramped and shabby hotel room, with walls stained with dark spots, and a faint watermark in the corner. She sat on a simple wooden bed by the window, with sunlight casting from behind her, making her entire body seem to be wrapped in a layer of light.

  That was the first time he gazed at her intently, the first time he touched beyond her quiet and melancholy, for the first time, his heart skipped a beat!

  He quietly put down the spoon beside the dinner table, rubbed his aching forehead with his hand, and for the first time felt a hint of loss in the silent silence about his own choice...

  ……

  It's daytime!

  Outside the curtains that hadn't been drawn, sunlight penetrated through the floor-to-ceiling windows and spread out extensively, enveloping the entire bed behind them. She, lying on the bed, was also instantly engulfed by the radiance as soon as she opened her eyes.

  In the midst of that scorching heat all around her, her agent sister came to wake her up and said they had to rush for their schedule, but she said she didn't want to go.

  The agent's sister stared at her in shock, unable to understand why.

  She said she was feeling unwell, then her agent sister understood something and looked at her with pity before sighing and leaving.

  She lay quietly alone in the room, listening to the ticking sound of the clock, looking at the white sheet reflecting sunlight, illuminating the ceiling brightly, her mind both blank and chaotic. She forgot when she started liking him, maybe it was from the first time they met, or maybe it was the day she got caught, or perhaps it was during those days in Australia.

  Before meeting him, she was always living in a world of her own, thinking about profound or superficial problems. Such a life was very quiet, no one would disturb her, and there were no worries, but it was also somewhat desolate and lonely.

  At that time she often thought, what is the specific meaning of people's existence in this world?

  There is no answer, she can't understand why they are rushing towards an uncertain goal on the road of fate, sometimes deviating and sometimes being corrected, beyond their control.

  Until I met him!

  What I remember most is that every time I followed him, his broad and majestic back, which was almost strong enough to hold up the sky in front of me.

  For the first time in her life, she discovered meaning, for the first time she somewhat understood why people, despite not seeing hope, still repeatedly strive to pursue it. It was also the first time that when she closed her eyes, she wouldn't feel like she was in endless darkness and silence, she wouldn't feel like she was drifting further away from this world. At that moment, his silhouette lingering in her mind would tear apart all the darkness, firmly grasp her, and pull away the vacuum that isolated her from the world.

  Her cheek felt a bit chilly, she raised her hand to wipe it off, and the tips of her fingers had a moist feeling spreading out.

  Cried again!

  She sat up, wiping away her tears. The scorching ocean of sunlight warmed the skin in this place, but her heart was cold. The figure that could hold onto her and protect her had vanished from her mind last night.

  On the dresser by the bed, a large mirror reflected her sitting figure inside. She turned around and saw that everything around her was spotless white.

  Suddenly I remembered that morning when I was caught and then rescued by him, the simple small hotel, the wall was mottled, that day was also as sunny as today, she was sitting on the bed like today, the sun shone in from the window, drowning her in infinite light.

  Different from that time, she was filled with warmth from head to toe, because at that time he stood in front of her bed, but now... there wasn't!

  I really want to go back to that time, when I just started having a good impression of him, and neither he nor I had noticed it.

  The two were just friends, she could stand by his side without any scruples, not needing to think too much, letting his figure fill her eyes and her heart feel full.

  Yesterday, I asked him "Can we... still be friends?", really hoping he would agree, so that I can use this identity to stay in his arms and say to him:

  I've had a breakup and it hurts so much...